are you a vampire?

Earlier today:
The Pea: "Mommy, are you a vampire?"
Me: "Uhm, no?" (WTH?!)
The Pea: "Hmmmm, are you a werewolf?"
Me: "NO! Why are you asking me, that's absurd."
The Pea: "You have sharp teeth, and I was just wondering."
Well that explains it then...



I thought, in light of that little conversation, I would go ahead and write down a few of the conversations we have on a regular basis, or have had that stuck in my head. Hope you get a kick out of them, but I am doing it more for me, so I remember them when she is older and no longer talks to me because I am her mom, and therefore lame.



The Pea: "Are you pooping?"
I get this every time I go in a bathroom, any bathroom.
Every. Single. Time.



"MOOMMMMMYYYYYY!"
Running upstairs, convinced when I get there she will be missing a limb..."What baby?!"
"The fish is died." (No, that's not a typo)
Oh thank God, it's just the fish...peering in the little tank...
"Nope, baby he is fine...see now he is swimming, he must have been sleeping." Do fish sleep?
This little scenario gets repeated each night for the next three nights.
The fourth night: "MOOMMMMMMMYYYYY! HE'S DIED, HE REALLY DIED THIS TIME!"
From downstairs, because I am over it. "NO, he is not! He is not dead, stop saying that, just feed him and he will start swimming."
A few minutes later from behind me "Mom."
"WHAT?!"
"Mom, look." In her hand is the fish.
Oopsie...
"Oh, yeah, he's really dead."
"Told you."



Upon finding my brand new patio furniture already starting to fall apart "Ahhh shit."
Without missing a beat: "Mom, shit is a bad word."



The other day riding in the car, out of nowhere:
"You can't ride in my Lamborghini cuz your butt's too big and the seat's too teeny."
"What are you singing?!"
And again, "You can't ride in my Lamborghini cuz your butt's too big and the seat's too teeny!"
?!?



Getting ready for camp, gathering all her stuff:
"Mom, I'm going to take God to camp today."
"Oh yeah? In your heart?"
"No, in my backpack."
"Oh really? Hmmmm."
Curious.
"Can I see?"
Big sigh, "Sure." Which sounds like Shuah*
And out of her backpack comes Jesus.
(Little background: My Aunt is a nun, she gave her a Jesus doll a few years ago at Christmas, I had forgotten about the doll until that moment.)



*A few more examples of how she says certain words:
Bird=Buhd
Car=Cah
Umbrella=Umbungha (this cracks me up)
Sister=Sistah
World=Wuhld
Water=Watah
Yellow=Lellow
Girl=Guhl



"Mom."
"What baby."
"What is dissipate?"
Yikes...uhm, ok "Well...it is when something kind of just goes away."
"Like dies?"
"No, no, jeez, uhm, ok...ya know when you fart (it was all I could think of at the moment) and at first it smells bad, but then it kind of just goes away? Well, it dissipates."
"Oh."
A few seconds pass, I see her thinking, she is scrunching up her face, and then:
"Well then how in the wuhld am I going to dissipate in graduation?"



And finally, one of my favorites:
"Youah the bestest mommy evah."
"Aww, thanks baby, you're the best daughter ever."
"I know."