singles pool

Well another week has flown by, as they seem to do these days, and I'm sitting here waiting for my little Peanut to decide to come home.  She had a sleepover last night, her second ever, and Mama is a little on edge.  I'm not worried, just on edge.

I went out, with the neighbors, last night, and I usually only do that when the Pea is with her dad.  We all wanted sushi, though and were in need of some grown up time, so we got a babysitter for the kiddos and ventured out.  We came back to the kids still awake and begging for a sleepover.

I consider myself very lucky in the neighbor department, I have never had more than a nod and wave relationship with any other ones, but for some reason this time it's different.  They are my friends.  I trust them with my house, my dog, and my kid.  There are four couples, four kids, five dogs, and me.  I have always felt like an outsider in my family, I don't fit in with the girls at work, and my near and dear besties all live far away.  Finding family in my neighbors was a blessing that I never expected. 

One of my resolutions this year (as it is most years) is to be more authentic, more honest.  I still try to adhere to the "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all rule" because saying "Yes, yes you do look fat in those pants" or "I wish I could punch you in the face right now" is frowned on (especially at work) and I don't go around telling store clerks "I'm on my period, pissed off as hell, and a little gassy" when they say "How are you doing today?" but with my real relationships, the ones that matter, I'm doing a better job of being real, and owning who I am and what I believe.

I find with the neighbors it's easy.  I have no problem being brutally honest, totally myself, acting like a dork, saying how I feel, and putting it all out there.  It's amazing how comforting that is...it's exhausting being false.  One of the reasons The Boy and I went our separate ways was because we had to try too hard with each other.  Being ourselves and being completely real and honest just led to arguments.  The arguments stopped for awhile, but it became obvious that so too did any real connection. 

I am back out there, back in the singles pool, and as much as the idea of dating and all that it entails terrifies me, I'm not ready to settle.  I'm ready to be with someone that I can be myself with...my real, loud, crazy, sassy, sarcastic, nerdy, dorky, clumsy, nervous, silly, adventurous, overplan everything, claim to be low maintenance but really high maintenance, one of the guys but really a girly girl, self.  Of course that's now, (I have BOB, it's only been a few weeks) we will see if I turn out to be a big fat liar come summer...when the pool gets really crowded, I get really horny, and the neighbors are tired of my crazy ass.


“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Dr. Seuss