peace

I just cancelled my upcoming trip to Disney World for the Flower and Garden Festival.  I'm a little sad, but also relieved.  I was really starting to dread the early flights and the long days, jam packed with people and activities, even mentioned to TheGuy earlier today that I was surprised I wasn't more excited.  Then tonight, the Pea announced that she didn't want to go.  I made sure she meant it by asking a few times and explaining once it was done it was done, but when she told me to just go on without her and she would stay with the neighbors, I knew she was really serious and there was no point in wasting free flights going somewhere we don't both REALLY want to go.  I'm surprised I'm not more bummed out but I want to be excited about going to Disney World, or on any vacation for that matter, so instead we will focus on November and get jazzed about going then.

It is interesting how, since finding happiness in other places (namely my relationship, but also at work), I am no longer as focused on all things Disney.  It was as if before it was a lifeline, and I was holding on for dear life, because it was one of only a few things that brought me joy.  Now, it seems, I don't need to daydream, plan, pine, and obsess about my "happy place."  My happy place is here now, and Disney is just a bonus.  Don't get me wrong, I am still planning...November 2012 and 2013...and in love with all things Mouse, but it is nice to find joy in other places too.

It feels good to be in a place where what I have and where I am is enough.  For, quite possibly, the first time ever, I am not seeking some intangible something.  I am not thinking "Is this all there is?"  I am at peace.  I like it.