"perfect" mommies

The other night at the club I had the opportunity to hang out with another mom while the kids ran around like crazy monkeys. Well we got to chatting and with our cocktails firmly in hand the conversation flowed...I really liked talking to her. I don't connect with other moms too often, I try I really do, but I find most of the time I am left feeling like "less than" and in need of a good stiff drink.

I struggled with the decision to become a mom, it took a long time and a lot of soul searching. My mom left me and Smash when we were babies, when she did get Smash back she then sent her off to live with the Gparents, when she finally got us both back together being a mother didn't seem easy or enjoyable for her. She has tried to explain, always blaming B and their divorce, but well after their divorce and her marrying dad she still just wasn't there as a parent. I was afraid I would be her, and so when I finally decided to have a baby I tried to do everything perfect...from conception, through pregnancy, even the birth I wanted to be perfect.

Lucky for me the Pea made her way into the world in a way completely unlike I had "planned" and I was forced to let go and wing it. Her birth taught me that it was OK to NOT be perfect, but I still struggle with thinking I'm not good enough, and it is usually as a result of a conversation or interaction with another mom.

I call those moms the "perfect mommies" and DH can always tell when I have had a run in...you know the type, they are the ones at the park with all the kids in matching (clean) outfits, they break out the organic homemade hummus for a snack, and they are talking to the other "perfect mommies" about all their scheduled activities for the week...meanwhile my kid is a mess, happily eating goldfish (including the ones she has dropped on the ground) while I try to decide whether we should go to the coffee shop or the mall...I didn't even know they had Latin classes for two year olds...seriously? I always come home bitching that I need to get her enrolled in classes, and we need to eat better, and DAMNIT why don't we have any outfits with her initials embroidered on the front!

The other night was refreshing, and instead of coming home bitching I came home happy...I know that there are other mommies out there just like me, but it's always nice to actually run across one...share a cocktail and a few stories, and leave feeling good and strong and happy, and YES a good mommy...thanks Gigi.