christmas eve

It's Christmas Eve...I am supposed to be packing. The Pea and I are headed up north tomorrow to see the family, play in the snow, and get away from here. Not that things here have been bad, on the contrary, the past week has been great, but a trip out of town will make it even better. This is my first holiday season in TWENTY years that I haven't had a lover, boyfriend, or husband...I thought it would be harder. The Pea is with her dad, and I expected tonight to be awful. I thought I would be drunk by now, watching some ridiculous chick flick and sobbing, and while I did cry a little saying goodnight to the Pea, I haven't had a bit to drink, and I've been watching tv while doing laundry. I am enjoying the peace and quiet and time to myself to reflect and think.

I got to fly the other day, and for a frustrated non-flying pilot like myself, there could not have been a better present. I got the best birthday and best Christmas presents ever, both in the same year. I was sitting in the right seat, expecting only to make a few radio calls, maybe a turn or two and the next thing I knew the airplane was mine. As we started our descent I kept expecting to have to give the airplane back, and while I didn't exactly have total control (or land center line) I made a decent landing. As we turned off the runway onto the taxiway I couldn't help but think how much like great sex it was...my legs were shaking, my heart beating, I was sweaty and exhilarated and happy...I swear I didn't come off that high for hours. If I just had an extra $3 million lyin' around to buy an airplane I wouldn't ever need a man again...hmmmm.

Yeah, not so much...while I think this time by myself is a good thing, and I am enjoying it, I do hope by next year to have a man in my life. I want to have someone to spend the holidays with...to help me put up the tree (and take it down), to dance with on my birthday, to make love to on Christmas Eve, to kiss at midnight on New Year's. If this year has taught me anything though, it's that not having a man for all of it, is better than having one that isn't right for me...

Well on that note, I guess I'll sign off...off to pack, get some sleep and get ready for the battle that is flying commercial with a three year old in tow...and with all that, it's probably a good thing I don't have anyone to make love to tonight.

Merry Christmas!