birthday bliss

Last night was amazing...it was crazy and messy and the Pea had about 7 meltdowns..most of her presents are still sitting on the table unopened because it was just too overwhelming...red wine was spilled on white carpet, and yet I had a blast. I was so happy to have my girlfriends with me, celebrating my kid, that despite all the chaos and noise I allowed myself to enjoy it...I allowed myself to just enjoy the people around me and the blessing that is having a healthy three year old and I didn't stress like I usually do about all the little insignificant "disasters."

DH ended up stopping by...when he first called to say he had a change in plans and would be in town earlier than anticipated I was leery...I felt like maybe he just wanted to "check up" on me and I didn't like it, but I got to thinking about the Pea, and the fact that it was her birthday and she had every right to see her daddy...I spent almost every birthday of my life without mine, thanks in part to my mother, and I wasn't going to do that to her. Well he was totally focused on her, even got her ready for bed and played with her for awhile so Gigi and I could chat in peace, and I thought "ya know, I'm lucky, and I'm smarter than I thought, because despite not picking the right husband for myself I did a damn good job picking the right father for her," and perhaps, that is more important.

Speaking of fathers, I wrote B a letter...I will send it off today. It was fairly short, considering the magnitude, and to the point...I told him how he hurt me, what I need now, which is nothing, what I want now, which is an apology, and left the ball in his court. If he wants to contact me, at least now he knows where I am and my name, and if he doesn't at least I got to say what I needed to in order to move on. Smash read it, said it was perfect, and I feel good knowing that monkey is no longer on my back.

Well, the Pea will have her party at school today, complete with the 17 little fancy boxes filled with loot that I busted my ass to complete, and then all the birthday stuff will be behind us...until mine, that is, which I can only hope will be as loud, fun, chaotic and crazy...