hospitals: bad, yummy doctors: good

So one of my friends is having surgery today. I am nervous and scared for her...I know she is in good hands, and will be fine, but I can't help thinking, and worrying. I am at work, and actually have a bunch of stuff to do, but I am so distracted I keep getting into something and then spacing out wondering how she is. She sent me a text this morning and I texted back...I won't hear from her again, until she is out of recovery. I am determined to not have a panic attack when I see her. I really hate that I do that, I feel like I can't be a grownup in hospitals and it is SO frustrating. I want to be strong for her, and make sure she is well cared for, make sure when the nurses or doctors tell me something I don't pass out from all the medical talk. I don't want her worrying about me, or worse, getting pissed at me, cuz I'm not what she needs.

I hope when I get my shit worked out regarding B to put this whole medical phobia behind me. I hate being one of those people that can't be counted on in a medical crisis...I want to be strong, and knowledgeable, and capable...not a puddle on the floor. As I, and all my friends, get older, not to mention my parents and family, there will be more and more occasion to be in a hospital...I have to get over this. Not only that, I'm single now, and so don't have DH to take me and hold my hand with every medical procedure I have to get done. I thought I was doing better...last year when I had to get a little biopsy and DH and I were on the outs I managed to get through it without passing out, managed to clean it myself and even had the stitches removed without a hitch...I thought that meant things were better, but after making a FOOL out of myself earlier in the week getting a FLU SHOT, perhaps not.

Anyhoo, I suspect the more I think about it, the worse it will be, so I am going to try and focus on work...I hope tomorrow to have only good news and NO stories of me passing out on the hospital floor...unless of course they end in me getting picked up off the floor by a hot young doctor...hmmmm.