3rd saturday

Well it's the third Saturday of the month, which means the Pea is with her daddy...I both hate and look forward to these weekends every month. As DH backed out of the driveway this morning, I stood and watched from the window, fighting back the tears. It has been 7 months now, and I still am not "used to" it. I selfishly want her all to myself, and yet I know her time with him is necessary for us both. I need to have some time to myself, to spend with friends, to do the things I can't when I have her, and to rest...she needs to be with her dad...and despite always making sure my weekend is jammed full of fun activities, I hate it, I hate every minute of it.

I haven't stopped since she left this morning...I was able to run the vacuum (which I can't do when she is home: "mommy too LOUD!"), go out for coffee, have friends over and take them to the beach (JD...I like Elliot, I like her a lot - good job man!), help get the club ready for Lady's party, and now I am writing. Despite it all being lovely, there has been an underlying melancholy, I miss my baby girl.

I will be going out tonight, out to a great party, and then a party after the party...I will be all dressed up and (hopefully) lookin' cute. I should be excited about this, I should be thrilled that I will be out, with adults, meeting new people, having fun, drinking martinis...hell the martinis alone should have me doing flips, why aren't I more excited? ...hmmm, maybe I need coffee. A good shot of caffeine will get me going. I'm gonna sign off, go brew some coffee and take a long hot shower. I vow to let myself have fun tonight, without any mommy guilt, and tomorrow I will have a fun post, funny story, or well, quite possibly, a hangover which will prevent me from writing anything at all...