spring break

Over the weekend I finished Girls In Trucks and picked up Love Or Something Like It by Deirdre Shaw. Love... is one of those books that draws you in and is a fairly easy read so I finished it the day after I started it. Good book, and considering it is about a thirtysomething going through a divorce and learning about herself, I could relate. The reason I am talking about it though is not cuz I thought it was the best book ever, or one that I think everyone needs to read, rather I actually took something the character in the book did and decided to apply it to my life. Toward the end of the book, after going through her divorce and then a series of relationships/hook ups she decides to take a break, a spring break.

I never did the whole spring break thing, and while I did spend one weekend in Daytona in my twenties with Bunny, I was married at the time. Matter of fact, I have pretty much been in a relationship that was, or resembled, marriage since I was 17. I need a break, and I intend to take one.

Don't worry mom, I am not gonna fly off to Florida and end up on a Girls Gone Wild (or rather Moms Gone Wild, LOL) video. I have no intention of sleeping around or acting a fool...I don't mean I am LITERALLY on spring break. I am not going to shirk my responsibilities, or quit my job, or start flashing my boobs. In the book she starts biking, doing yoga, hanging out at the beach and living each day as it's own entity...she stops thinking about whether or not the men she meets and spends time with are "the one" and instead thinks "is this someone I want to spend time with right now?" I intend to do the same (except without the biking, I don't have a bike).

Since "deciding" I am on spring break I have had two fantastic days. I didn't do anything spectacular or amazing, to anyone outside looking in there was probably no visible change from the usual, the reason they were fantastic is I chose to stop thinking about anything other than what I was doing in the moment I was doing it. I realize when you are a single working mommy there are times when planning ahead is essential. I know I can't ONLY think about the here and now and not deal with certain realities. I am not taking a break from life, I am giving myself permission to enjoy it. I have been getting pressure from a bunch of folks (and myself because I thought I should) to get out there and date...to move on, to find someone new. I gotta be honest though, despite missing sex, I am enjoying being single. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like being in a relationship was horrible, and I do get lonely sometimes, but after a very nice date and all that came after it, I realized: I just don't feel like dealing with all that right now.

Last night I went over to Grey's...he, his roommate, and I, cooked dinner, had a few bottles of wine, and hung out. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment because I didn't think past the present. I didn't worry about how I looked, how many calories were in what we were eating, or what I had done the day before or planned on doing the next...I said what I wanted to when I wanted and didn't agonize after if I said anything wrong. I was completely myself, no apologies, and while the guys may not have noticed a difference in me, I did. A great "side affect" of the in the moment living: when I got out of my head and stopped analyzing, planning, thinking, and worrying, I was able to focus more on the people I was with. Instead of thinking about what to say or do next, I was listening, watching, and enjoying the company I was in, and I was in pretty good company.

My spring break won't involve tequila shots, dancing on tables, sleeping till noon, or frat boys (I wish I could sleep till noon, but the rest, nah). No...spring break, for me, will be about eating great food, drinking nice wine, spending time with good people, and not worrying about what comes next. So far, so good.