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Mclovin called the other night and before hello, how ya doin' or even hey he said "Put the vibrator down, get off of Bob, get on the computer." JD walked in my office yesterday and practically yelled (again before hi, hello, anything) "What the hell? Why no new post? What have you been doing instead of writing?" And, I got a text last night asking if all was well cuz there hadn't been a post lately.

Sorry...no, Bob and I have not been holed up in my room...my hands are not occupied elsewhere, I am fine...truth is: I am better than fine, and the NOT writing is more a result of not HAVING to write than anything else. When I started this blog I was writing nonstop...everyday, sometimes two, three times a day: I HAD to write to process my feelings, rant, vent, whine, moan, whatever. As it progressed and when it went public I edited out most of the venting and whining and just allowed the stories to express where I was and how I was feeling. Now, despite still having stories I want to tell, I no longer NEED to get out into the world all my stuff in order to process and work through my feelings.

Ya know the five stages of grief? I am finally at acceptance, and with that, an overwhelming sense of peace. I spent a long time in denial, even longer in bargaining...anger was fast and furious, and sadness left me exhausted and dehydrated...now I'm here, in this place that is so foreign to me I almost don't know how to handle it, and yet completely at peace and pretty damn happy. It isn't like I woke up last week and thought "OK, then, today I accept and now I move on." No...it was more I woke up day after day over the last few weeks without the sadness, anger, or panic...I started waking up thinking about my day instead of my life...I started going to bed at night NOT thinking at all. I found myself not worrying about whether or not I was "putting myself out there" and actually started doing it...I flirted with a boy...I got my moxie back. I stopped pining, wishing, and hoping and started accepting, enjoying, and doing.

I haven't written in a week because I needed a break from it, from me and my old self...from the "story" that I have been telling...from the grieving that I have been doing. I needed to regroup, refresh, and breathe...now I'm back. Tomorrow I will have a story.