yes, it does

So remember this post?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009
does it light up?

...Smash finally got home, safe and sound. I miss her already, but I am glad for her cuz she was pretty stressed. When she called to say she was pulling in her driveway I could tell she was happy and relieved to be there...she missed all her boys and was ready to get back to her life. While she was here I did have the opportunity to introduce her to Bob, though. She hadn't seen him, and I was interested to get her opinion, so I yanked him out of his cozy little corner of my closet, out of the gift bag in which he resides and presented him for her appraisal.

Ya know how when you have a crush on a guy, and you are at that happy flirty stage, and you want to get your girl's opinion? It suddenly becomes very important, before going to the next stage, to see what she thinks. You want to make sure you aren't crazy, that he is not Quasimodo and because of your desperation and rose colored glasses you are overlooking major flaws in his makeup, so you "present him" to her, often orchestrating a casual run in somewhere where you know he might be, and after he is gone, you dish.

WELLLLL, this wasn't exactly a casual run in, it's not like Bob does coffee, and I wouldn't exactly call what we have a crush, but I am intrigued, and desperate, and I needed her opinion, so I "presented" him.

After she got done laughing, she started with the questions...

Smash: "What is THAT for?"

me: "I have no idea."

Smash: "Do you put that, uh...hmmm, yeah...and what is this goin' on over here?"

me: "Again, no idea."

Smash: "Yeah, you were right, it is pretty big, lemme see again..."

"Ok, yeah, that is pretty f*cking big, you don't need all that."

me: "No, I'm thinking no."

Smash: "Does it light up?"


Uhm yeah, guess what...it does.

Bob. Lights. Up.

I kid you not...

I was feelin' a little frisky, and for some reason (no, there was no alcohol involved) I decided WTF and yanked Bob out of his cozy little hiding spot, out of the gift bag, and out of the packaging, and started investigating. Stupid me thought he would already have batteries (I am new to the whole sex toy thing...) and was pretty disappointed to see he did not. Well, after stealing the batteries out of BOTH my camera AND the remote control, Bob requires a lot of power you see, and getting them all in there (thinking the whole time, this had damn better be worth it, cuz if I am out of a remote the rest of the night I am gonna be PISSED OFF) I turn him on.

Ok, so not ONLY is there an ON/OFF switch but there are two other "setting" switches which, of course, I got to messin' with and before I knew it, Bob was not just vibrating, he was wriggling, and squirming, and LIGHTING UP, I'm talkin' multi colored, flashing, whoo-hoo light show. I started giggling, then laughing, then flat out guffawing...my she-she closed up tighter than a clam (yes, pun intended) cuz there is now NO WAY IN HELL I can put this thing inside me (my box is not a disco, thank you very much, and so does not need a pulsating, vibrating light show). I want to call my sister to tell her he does IN FACT light up, but because she is at work, I can't, and I am left standing in my closet (how many of my stories have that line in them?) staring at Bob and laughing so hard there are tears streaming down my face.

After a few minutes, I finally decide the TV is way more important than the light show and put the batteries back in the remote, put Bob back in his bag, and pop Oceans 11 into the DVD player...one of these days I may buy Bob some batteries of his own, but for now: I'll take Clooney...in the dark...and a working remote.