to clarify

Good day today...the Pea was finally able to go back to school and is feeling better, I was able to get out, get some shopping done, catch up with a few friends, and get my hair done. I love getting my hair and toes done...they are the only bit of "pampering" I allow myself with money tight, and as much as I would LOVE an occasional massage or facial, those I just can't bring myself to pay for. I have the best hairstylist, not only does she do a good job and "expertly" cover my greys with highlights, but she gives the BEST head massage...OMG it is nearly orgasmic.

Ohhhh, speakin' of orgasmic, apparently all my sex and relationship talk has sent out the message that I am desperate and sad since my orgasms are self induced these days. Hmmm, well just for the record, YES...I do WANT a man, YES, I am horny and would like to get me some, HOWEVER...I am not desperate, or ready to settle. An old friend, who has been reading, called today and we got on the topic and he said he hoped, for my sake, I was able to find a man soon, and just the other day, got an email to that effect from another. So, I went back and read a few old posts, and maybe I am sending that message, but to clarify; I DO NOT NEED A MAN...I WANT one, and I don't mind being single, AT ALL. I would rather be alone than with someone I don't like all that much. I guess I am lucky, since I have already been married and had a kid, I don't feel like time is running out for me, or that I need to get out there NOW, right now, or die alone...and while I would love to get married again and have more kids, I won't feel incomplete if it doesn't work out that way.

I know I could be having sex if I just wanted sex...hello, any reasonably attractive woman can walk into a bar and find a guy who has had enough to think she is worth taking home...I don't want that. I don't want random and casual...I don't want to be someone's booty call. I want to be with someone I like, trust, and respect who also likes, trusts, and respects me. I said that to the guy that called today and his response was "No one has that, just go get laid and stop worrying about it." Really? No one...I don't buy it...maybe he is right, but I'm not ready to wave that white flag yet. I don't need to be in love, I don't need candlelight, roses, and perfection, but I do want it to be good (and yes guys, there is such a thing as bad sex), and I do want to feel good about myself afterward...and if it is and I do, then I am gonna want to do it over and over again with that person. It is hard to do someone over and over again if you can't track him down because you don't know his name.

Besides...there is always bob...don't know if I like or trust him, but I know where to find him, and he is always available.