advice

Yesterday's Dating Amelia post on TheFrisky (http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-dating-amelia-everyones-got-advice/) was a bit of a rant on all the advice she has been getting. I could SOOOO identify...I have been getting all kinds of advice, like her both solicited and not, and it is ridiculous how EVERYONE has a different take on every situation, and it all tends to contradict. I won't even be thinking I need advice and then someone will say something which will get me thinking, which will then lead me to seeking advice, which I will get, which will confuse me even more...it is amazing what one little date can lead to:

So Coffee Date Dude a.k.a. Texty McNoCall and I have a lovely coffee date, hour together at a concert, lots of good talk, but no spark...I am left feeling good, but knowing it will never amount to anything...I figure: perfect first time out, training run, spring camp, whatever you wanna call it, bottom line thanks for playing, try again. WELLLLL, he continues to text to check in and set up tentative future dates that never happen...my gut says "Done, and done." I have enough guy friends, and that is all he would ever be cuz there is no spark, so move on...upon telling others this, I got a variety of responses:

1) Good, he sounds like a douche stalker...run, run away. (Little harsh, me thinks)

2) Awww, but he is so sweet, he brought you wine and he keeps texting to check on you...maybe he just can't talk on the phone...ya know, very busy in meetings and stuff. (Uhm, no, sorry...if you are so effing busy that you can't make a two minute phone call, you are clearly too busy to fit me into your life and therefore not boyfriend material)

3) Clearly he is just young and a little insecure...he likes you a lot or he wouldn't keep texting, give him a chance, you must go out with a guy at least 3 times before you can make a judgement. (Yeah....NO, and in what rule book is that in anyway? 3 times? If there is a spark I pretty much know right away...if, in addition to that, I get to know someone and find out they are cool, game on...otherwise, why try to force it?)

4) He probably has a girlfriend and doesn't want to get caught...doesn't mean you can't hang with him though, maybe a fling? (Why would I want a fling if there is no spark?!)


The funny thing is, I had already made up my mind and felt good about it...it wasn't until everyone else started weighing in did I start to think I should re-think. Why do we do that? Why do we allow what others say influence how we feel? When we are single and everyone is constantly asking "when are you gonna get a boyfriend?" we think "oh, crap, should I? I guess so, if everyone thinks so..." then you get one and everyone starts asking "when are you getting married?" when it hadn't even occurred until everyone started asking...and then when you finally do get married the inevitable "when are you having a baby?" UGH...for crying out loud, isn't it ever good enough to just enjoy the stage you are in and take full advantage? Having done the marriage and baby deal I happen to know how hard it is so I see no rush to do it again...nor do I think all my gal/guy friends should rush out and do it either. It is fun being single, it is nice being in a monogamous relationship without the rings, it is great being in a healthy marriage, it is fantastic becoming a mommy...why speed through each stage only to find out when you get to the next that the one before it is gone and you miss it?

I dunno what Amelia will end up doing, or who's advice she will end up taking in this adventure that is being single, but I know I am gonna try like hell to just relax and listen to my gut. I am gonna have the courage to put myself out there and meet new people and let others in, but I am sure as shit not gonna settle or spend my time with people I know I don't care to have in my life. The best advice ever in the history of the world is still: "be particular" (Sweet Potato Queens Book Of Love) and as such, is the only advice I am taking to heart. I remember now, I wrote a post about that last year (http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/09/well-it-looks-like-it-is-going-to-be.html), and at the time, made a promise to myself to only let into my life, and into my bed, amazing men that I share a connection, a spark, and a laugh...I am keeping my promise, even if it means Bob (for those of you new here: battery operated boyfriend) and I, spend a lot of time together while we wait.