Can't wait for October

I am supposed to be going up north to see my parents Columbus Day weekend...it's all planned. The Pea is going to get to see JJ & Boo and we are all going to do hang out together...

Smash is looking forward to it, mom & dad are already planning events, and tonight Smash informed me that we are invited to a picnic at our childhood home...well I use the term "home" loosely.

We grew up in a barn, with dirt floors, no plumbing, no electricity...cold, God it was cold...I hated that place. The property was beautiful, but it was not a happy comfy place to call home. I left when I was 15, I spent time in a crack house, in friends houses, I even lived in my car for awhile, just so I wouldn't have to live there. I went back home a few times off and on when things got bad and I finally found a job as a nanny, which provided room and board, and managed to hang on until moving down south. My parents have since then moved, and the new owners have made the place "a showcase," one of those eco-friendly solar powered "retreats" out in the country. We are all invited to come see it in October.

Smash is excited, Dad is excited, I don't know if mom gives a rats ass...I am terrified. I don't know if I want to go back to that place that will remind me of that time in my life. I don't know if I can go back with an open mind and be happy for the new owners who now have all the modern conveniences I wish we had had. I don't know if I can go there and put on a happy face and not ruin it for the rest of the family.

Why is it that a house can conjure up so much emotion? The house I live in now was my "dream" house...we bought it out of foreclosure without even seeing the inside...I took one look at it and said "that's my house, we need that house." I painted every room myself, I love it. We are trying to sell it (well not at the moment, right now it's off the market, but that's another story, it will go back on the market soon), and I almost feel like I am abandoning a family member...like I am betraying this place...WTF is that?! Who cares? It's just a bunch of wood and drywall why is it so important? Isn't it funny how we can associate inanimate objects (like houses) with ourselves...we can either hate or love something, so fervently?

Well Mimi, I guess we will need to go back to weekly sessions in October, huh?...and you thought you were almost rid of me...ha ha.