damn water

Mimi says I need to quit drinkin'...well easy for her to say, she doesn't have to live with me. I actually think she's right, but as I sit here, listening to music, typing, trying to figure out what I'm gonna write about, I want a glass of wine...or two or three. DH is out, the Pea is asleep, and this is when I usually open a bottle (and finish it). I know I need to at least cut down, not only for my liver's sake, but because getting drunk, even though it seems like it might at the time, rarely leads to clarity...and often in my case leads to screaming, slamming doors or drunk texting.

So here I sit, drinking water, thinking about not only who I am, but who I want to be, what I want from life...thing is, I don't really want to plan it all out...I don't know what's going to happen or when or how it will unfold, and I don't think I want to...it might scare the hell out of me. I've always been such a planner, EVERYTHING planned out to the minute, and now, not so much. I'm excited about just seeing what's in store...who knows, maybe it's better than anything I could plan.

DH wants to start talking about what we will do when/if we split up, he wants to plan it all, he asked me last night what I planned on doing for money, where would I live, etc. etc. and I honestly didn't have an answer. I've thought about it some, started doing some research, but I can honestly say I don't know yet...I'm not ready to know. I know I'm ok with being single, I'm ok with going to work full time - actually looking forward to that one, I'm ok with moving out of this house...I know I'm gonna be ok no matter what...that's all I know.

Wow...it's funny how sometimes I start writing not knowing what I'm gonna write about, and by the end I've surprised myself...this would be one of those times...and NOW I could really use a drink, DAMN this water.