the Christmas of the box

Wow, I have actually been so busy the last few days I haven't been able to write...I actually had to work at work...imagine that.

So on Thursday I had to sit through a class on HazMat...fun and games right? Well the instructor thought it was THE most exciting and interesting stuff EVER, the rest of us...not so much. The funny thing about the class, is that it made me remember this past Christmas.

See, the instructor kept using the word box whenever he was referring to any kind of package at all, and I swear he said it like 52 times in the first few minutes..I had to stifle my giggles, it was ridiculous.

Ok, so it's December of last year, Smash, J, JJ and Boo are coming down for Christmas...my parents decide they are going to just ship "all our presents" to my house. Every day for a week they call to ask if we "got the box?" and since I usually only talk to mom OR dad once or twice a month I figured this was one HELL of a box, with lots of good shit. About 4 days before Christmas we get the box...it's about the size of a shoebox and it's drop shipped from Harry & David...WTF? This can't be it, this had to be an additional box, THE box must be late. So I call mom,

me: "hey there, got a box of somethin' from Harry & David"
mom: "OOOH GOOOD, you got your Christmas presents then"
me: "ummmm, ok, yeah, are they ALL in there, for EVERYONE?"
mom: "yes, yes, and don't open them until Smash and the boys get there"
me: "oh, ok, great...thanks so much!"

Meanwhile I am thinking, "its food, gourmet food, we have a 2, 4, and 6 yr old and it's Christmas - what is that?"

So Smash, J, JJ & Boo arrive, and I present the box. Smash starts laughing, J is wondering what the hell is so funny and the kids are maniacs because of course they think the box MUST be filled with great stuff...we open the box...inside the box is:

MORE BOXES...

Oh yeah, 5 red boxes of assorted size, each one containing some heinous little food with a designer label.

OMG...OMG...OMG.

There wasn't enough of any one thing to share amongst 7 people, and there were only 5 different things...let me see if I can remember what they were: fruit cake, fudge, baklava, raspberry cookie bar thing, and......oh who cares.

Anyway, we call mom & dad to "thank them" and they are just so damn proud...they sooo did not get it...and these are not 90 yr olds, they are not poor (anymore), they know we have children. We are close to just letting it go and writing it off as my parents being clueless when we happen to ask what youngest got. Big mistake...HUGE...because upon hearing the answer we are furious.

Oh, he got a box too...

A brand new box...

See, mom and dad agreed to pay for him to get him a sex change...lets see how did J put it?

"So let me get this straight...the SEVEN of us got a BOX of Harry & David and your brother GOT A VAGINA?!"

And not just a vagina, but hormone treatments, laser hair removal, the works...that shit ain't cheap. Now granted, my parents have never been big gift givers (not to us anyway) so it's not like we were expecting a whole lot, but if in order to get them to spend money on us we have to ask for new body parts...hmmm I think I'll pass, I'm pretty damn happy with my box thank you very much, I don't think I want a new one.

UPDATE Jan. 2009...ok so this Christmas mom & dad redeemed themselves...we got gift cards and the kids racked up with some great stuff...Youngest wasn't there, we don't know what she got...I'm still very happy with my box and have only my original body parts.