making the most of it

I am home, after a long, busy, rainy, crazy day...for the most part it was good, but I miss the Pea. I guess the reality hit me today...this is how EVERYDAY will be...wow. So I am home, without my little one, and I know I should paint, or catch up on emails, or phone calls, but all I want to do is snuggle up on the couch with a glass of wine and a man. Fortunately, I have the wine.

Did a lot of thinking today...it was one of those days I guess. I am reading a new book and one of lines in it (referring to breakups) went something like "men mope, women cope" I thought that was interesting. I can only hope that I am coping. Some days I feel so sure of myself, so confident and happy. Other times I feel like I did all those times I started a new school, in a new town or state...completely lost, alone and baffled. I remember coming to North Carolina in the 5th grade from the west coast...talk about culture shock...and then again, starting 6th grade in New York...I had no idea what was up. That's how I feel sometimes now...like a stranger in my own life, I think that's why it was so important to stay here when DH and I split up even though financially it would have been better to move to the town I work in...I am starting to wonder if that was a good decision, if maybe I would be better off up there. Alone here, alone there, what difference does it make, at least up there I wouldn't have the drive.

Oh well, no point second guessing now...I am here now, I have to make the most of it. I am going to make myself a nice dinner, pour a glass of wine and curl up on the couch with the remote, which, since there is no man here, I have complete control of...hmmmm, not so bad.