sad

The Pea started school today...daycare. I never wanted her to be in a daycare center...I tried to be happy and excited and we bought a special outfit and took pictures...DH and I went together to try and make it nice and special. She went into the classroom, gave me a hug and a kiss and I lost the show. It has been over an hour now and I am still crying. My baby girl is no longer a baby, I am no longer the center of her universe, and the life I wanted her to have is no longer an option...it is awful.

The day is rainy and dreary, mirrors my mood exactly...I don't know what to do with myself. I want to go pick her up now and run away and never have to take her back there again. I know it's silly and we will adjust, and ultimately all will be well, but right now, in this moment, I want to throw up...my stomach is in knots, I am sad and lonely, and I hate myself and this life I have.