wrong shui

A few years ago when Feng Shui was all the rage...all the cool kids were doin' it, I bought a book and tried to get my house all "in order" so as to promote health, wealth, etc. blah blah blah...well Smash thought it was kinda silly and bought me The Little Book of Wrong Shui as a joke. Well the book is pretty damn funny, and I ran across it the other day unpacking and thought I would flip through it tonight...on account I just moved into a new house and all and might need some pointers on getting it in shape...here are a few gems:

Nice To See You: Attract visitors to your home by placing stereo, video, and computer equipment where they can be seen from the road.

Sweet and Sour: Storing sugar in the salt cellar and salt in the sugar bowl will help to discourage complacency in many ways.

Scaring Off Evil Spirits: In ancient times wind chimes were used to scare off evil spirits. In modern times car alarms serve much the same purpose. Rig your car alarm to go off at regular intervals throughout the night, then you will be able to sleep peacefully, knowing you are safe.

Dish It Out: If your neighbor has a satellite dish pointing in your direction, this focuses harmful "secret arrows" on your home. Wait till night, then take the dish down.

On Reflection: A mirror on the bedroom ceiling reflects badly on you. Likewise satin sheets, remote control lights, and a baby oil dispenser on the headboard.

Eggsistentialism: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Use an egg carton like everyone else and stop being such a poser.

And last, I thought I would end with this one, since I am on a journey of sorts of my own...

The Journey To Enlightenment: In Wrong Shui life is seen as a cosmic journey, a struggle to overcome unseen and unexpected obstacles at the end of which the traveler will find illumination and enlightenment. Replicate this quest in your home by moving all light switches away from doors and over to the far side of each room.

hee hee