shitty

So overall a pretty shitty day, but did have a few bright spots...Pea was sick, so stayed home from work and took her to the doctor. Bad news; we were there a couple hours and spent a ton of money, good news; she didn't have anything serious and will be fine. Upon arriving home got an email saying one of my submissions to Divine Caroline had been published...yay! Bad news; getting published does not equal getting paid, good news; it is my first thing submitted to an editor, and they only changed one line. I want to be really excited and happy, but in dealing with the Pea, and trying to deal with DH regarding the Pea, it became very apparent; my life is a bigger disaster than I ever imagined. DH and I are now completely unable to talk to each other like rational adults.

How is it that two people who were able to make huge decisions together less than two years ago can't even decide how to pay a $9 Rx co-pay? I don't get it, and I am so damn tired of fighting. We had one of our crazy out of control screaming matches today. I was sitting in the car, parked at the pharmacy, I had just left the doctor's office and was, in addition to telling him how the Pea was, asking about some of our other issues and the conversation just exploded into a verbal assault on each other with every wrong either of us ever committed in the last 14 years brought up and thrown out there. It was HORRIBLE, and the worse part was the Pea heard it all and just started bawling...I wanted to die, right then and there...I swear my heart broke into a million pieces and I hung up the phone (which of course infuriated DH and just caused another fight later-uck) jumped out of the car so I could grab her up and stood in the Walgreens parking lot holding on for dear life and sobbing. I hated DH, I hated myself, and I hated the fact that once again I was making a fool out of myself in public, why do I keep doing that?! First Dunkin Donuts, now Walgreens, what's next Target, TJ Maxx? If you see a sobbing woman next time you are shopping, don't worry, it's just me having another breakdown...

So, speakin' of shitty...I snapped a picture for ya...don't know why this cracks me up so much...BTW, this particular house is one of the largest, nicest in the neighborhood and is waterfront (ok, its an over sized pond, but still)...we are now on day 3 of the toilet in the yard.