Well I am not just an addict, I'm a pusher...yup, that's right...last night at 10:30 Smash called me from a Dunkin Donuts drive thru: "OMG, you know those pumpkin doughnuts you like so much, well I tried one the other day and now I'm addicted too! I can't stop!" As I sit here typing, my large hazelnut coffee with skim milk and Splenda (the fewer calories I waste on the coffee the more doughnuts I can eat) is steaming and my half eaten pumpkin doughnut is taunting. We even discussed how we would manage once the little lovelies went away, because they are just a seasonal flavor...the thought of living without was just too much so we plan to freeze a couple dozen (I think we said six dozen to be exact). Oh you laugh, but we were serious...even discussing the merits of Ziploc baggies and what we would have to clear out of the freezer to make room for our little pumpkin friends. Hee hee.
So, lets see...had a pretty great week so far. Monday night went out and found a new watering hole...they didn't have $4 martinis but they did have $2 pints and pool tables. So after kicking Booya's ass (sorry man) on the pool table and sucking down a few of those pints I managed to get some sleep. Tuesday, work was slow, but because I had come in early got to head home early and see my little Pea. Ended up having a really nice night at home and then yesterday was so busy at work the day just flew by. Last night after leaving work I went and bought a digital camera...DH has one that I used religiously the first two and a half years of the Pea's life, but since moving out I haven't been able to take any pictures, other than on my phone. There was no way I was gonna let Halloween and her birthday go by without a ridiculous number of pictures.
I used to feel a little self-conscious bringing in to work pictures of the Pea, almost shy about it. I would bring them in all excited to show people and then not show them unless someone asked because it seemed pushy and arrogant "Here look at these - isn't my kid cute?!" Kinda obnoxious...until, that is, my office mate brought in pictures OF HIS DOG. Now, I have nothing against taking pictures of your dog, I used to do it all the time, especially if she was being especially cute...and nothing against sharing those pictures now and then, but this was different. At a point in the afternoon when no one was on the phone or in the middle of a big project he called us all around to "take a look at something." Well usually that means a video of a plane crash or some other aviation anomaly and then we all sit around and talk about it.
We all gather around, bated breath, and he pulls out a STACK of 8 by 10 glossies...of his dog...IN A HALLOWEEN COSTUME. Oh yeah...What do you say? "Oh my god, how cute!" Well as the other girls in the office all fawned and shrieked and went on and on over what appeared to be an overgrown hamster in a fairy princess get up I thought to myself, "OK, no more feelin' self-conscious about bringing in the occasional picture of the Pea." These ladies are totally into it, they are eatin' it up...So anyway...tomorrow as my little Pea struts around beggin' for candy, I will be snapping pictures like a maniac and you can be sure the girls in the office will be shrieking and fawning Monday morning, whether they like it or not.
Well, my coffee has cooled and my doughnut is long gone...the office is starting to fill up and I probably ought to try and find something to do...ooooh, maybe someone has pictures of their cat...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JJ!!!!!! AUNTI LOVES YOU!!!!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
fall
This morning, on my drive to work, I watched the sun rise...as it rose above the horizon and illuminated the trees, all changing into various shades of crimson and gold, I thought about the season. Fall, Autumn, whatever you want to call it...for me as of late, has become my season of new beginnings. JJ, Boo and the Pea were all born in the fall...each one of them arrived home from the hospital with a backdrop of multicolored leaves and crisp cool air. I love that NOW, whenever I have a sunny, beautiful, fall day I think back to each of their births and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy.
JJ was born two weeks late...I wasn't working at the time, as a result of losing my job following 9-11, and was pretty down...I saw his birth as an opportunity to DO something...I was going to get there AFTER the baby came, and HELP. As it happened I arrived to find Smash laid up in a hospital bed...10 months pregnant, still no baby, and I never did end up being much of a help. When JJ came home a few days later, the light was perfect, the air was crisp and the leaves crunched underneath our feet as Smash's DH carried the new, chubby cheeked little man into the house, I snapped pictures, and Smash hobbled behind. It wasn't just a new beginning for her and her new baby, it was a new beginning for me...I was an Aunti now, and I felt a love for that child that I had never felt before.
Boo came just two short years later, late, just like his big brother...apparently Smash's womb is like one of those perfect lounge chairs you just don't wanna get out of...and again, I arrived to find my sister STILL pregnant even though we thought we had planned for me to arrive AFTER the birth. Boo also came home on a beautiful, sunny, crisp cool day.
Two years after that, I found myself HUGE with child, and like Smash, overdue. I was doing everything to try to get that baby movin'...I wanted to meet her, damnit, and I didn't want to wait another day. I was molesting DH daily, sometimes twice daily, much to his chagrin, because sex was supposed to get things going, and FINALLY after one of our more rigorous romps I had a contraction, a bad one, and it wasn't one of those mild, "could this be it?" Braxton-Hicks, it was the real deal...holy shit. Twenty four long, exhausting, excruciating hours later I had my Pea. Unlike the boys, she came home in the dark, two nights later, but the next morning when we ventured outside for pictures, we were greeted by a perfect sunny fall day.
It's now three years later, and neither Smash nor I are due, or in our cases overdue, to give birth. I am, however, looking forward to ushering in my new life, my new beginning, this fall. It is not nearly as exciting or terrifying as a new baby...there won't be pictures or announcements, I won't be getting gifts or cards...but, it will forever change me, make me a better person, and give me a whole new perspective.
JJ was born two weeks late...I wasn't working at the time, as a result of losing my job following 9-11, and was pretty down...I saw his birth as an opportunity to DO something...I was going to get there AFTER the baby came, and HELP. As it happened I arrived to find Smash laid up in a hospital bed...10 months pregnant, still no baby, and I never did end up being much of a help. When JJ came home a few days later, the light was perfect, the air was crisp and the leaves crunched underneath our feet as Smash's DH carried the new, chubby cheeked little man into the house, I snapped pictures, and Smash hobbled behind. It wasn't just a new beginning for her and her new baby, it was a new beginning for me...I was an Aunti now, and I felt a love for that child that I had never felt before.
Boo came just two short years later, late, just like his big brother...apparently Smash's womb is like one of those perfect lounge chairs you just don't wanna get out of...and again, I arrived to find my sister STILL pregnant even though we thought we had planned for me to arrive AFTER the birth. Boo also came home on a beautiful, sunny, crisp cool day.
Two years after that, I found myself HUGE with child, and like Smash, overdue. I was doing everything to try to get that baby movin'...I wanted to meet her, damnit, and I didn't want to wait another day. I was molesting DH daily, sometimes twice daily, much to his chagrin, because sex was supposed to get things going, and FINALLY after one of our more rigorous romps I had a contraction, a bad one, and it wasn't one of those mild, "could this be it?" Braxton-Hicks, it was the real deal...holy shit. Twenty four long, exhausting, excruciating hours later I had my Pea. Unlike the boys, she came home in the dark, two nights later, but the next morning when we ventured outside for pictures, we were greeted by a perfect sunny fall day.
It's now three years later, and neither Smash nor I are due, or in our cases overdue, to give birth. I am, however, looking forward to ushering in my new life, my new beginning, this fall. It is not nearly as exciting or terrifying as a new baby...there won't be pictures or announcements, I won't be getting gifts or cards...but, it will forever change me, make me a better person, and give me a whole new perspective.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
don't like it much
I am supposed to be asleep right now...I have a nasty cold that is kicking my ass, and taking care of an almost 3 year old is hell. I finally caved and asked DH to take the Pea for a few hours so I could get some sleep and I am not sleeping. It figures...all morning I have been half falling asleep trying to deal and now I have an hour or so left of peace and quiet without responsibility and I am on the computer.
She was so damn excited to see him...I told her he was on the way and she went outside to wait even though I told her it would be at least 15 minutes...when he got here she ran to him, jumped in his arms and squeezed with all her might. I know I should be happy about that, glad that he could come get her, and glad that she was excited about it, but instead I wanted to shout "NO, wait, never mind, I'm fine, I can handle it," and ever since I have been sitting here thinking...never good...instead of relaxing.
This is the first, I'm sure of many, illnesses I have had as a single mommy. It is a good thing it's only a cold, and not the flu or worse...I never thought about getting sick...I usually don't get sick, and there I was this morning, completely drained of energy, sneezing, sniffling and hoarse. I wanted to just lay on the couch and have someone take care of me while I watched bad TV. Instead, I had to do the care taking...I had to diaper, and feed, and entertain, and it occurred to me this is how it will be from now on. Gotta say, despite sounding whiny and silly, don't like it much...don't like it much at all.
She was so damn excited to see him...I told her he was on the way and she went outside to wait even though I told her it would be at least 15 minutes...when he got here she ran to him, jumped in his arms and squeezed with all her might. I know I should be happy about that, glad that he could come get her, and glad that she was excited about it, but instead I wanted to shout "NO, wait, never mind, I'm fine, I can handle it," and ever since I have been sitting here thinking...never good...instead of relaxing.
This is the first, I'm sure of many, illnesses I have had as a single mommy. It is a good thing it's only a cold, and not the flu or worse...I never thought about getting sick...I usually don't get sick, and there I was this morning, completely drained of energy, sneezing, sniffling and hoarse. I wanted to just lay on the couch and have someone take care of me while I watched bad TV. Instead, I had to do the care taking...I had to diaper, and feed, and entertain, and it occurred to me this is how it will be from now on. Gotta say, despite sounding whiny and silly, don't like it much...don't like it much at all.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
amazing
It is AMAZING what a good night of sleep will do for a person. I feel awesome, I actually woke up BEFORE the alarm went off, and was awake and functioning before my first sip of coffee. I still stopped for coffee of course, out of habit, and well, because I wanted a pumpkin doughnut...they are my new heroin. I have finally kicked the Diet Coke habit only to replace it with PUMPKIN DOUGHNUTS. I went from no calories to like a zillion, and the slight chance of cancer to the very real chance of getting a BIG FAT ASS. Fabulous.
Ok, back to my great night...so prior to the sleep fest, which was not interrupted by unwanted calls or out of control dogs, Booya, JD, and I parked it on the couch, scarfed Mexican (OMG, sooo good) and watched an old movie. We were planning on Casablanca, but apparently the video store here had only ONE copy and someone else had it out already. One copy?! It's a classic, how do they only have ONE copy - ugh. Oh well, the movie we did end up with was cool, and we had a nice time, and I was in bed by 10pm, fat and happy.
So after spending a nice night, sandwiched between two lovely boys (neither of which I am, or ever will be, sleeping with) I got to thinking about how much I LIKE having men in my life that I DON'T sleep with...it's nice. Well this got me thinking about Jill Connor Browne's advice in Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love, about the men you need in your life:
"The basic five men each woman should have in her life are (1) a man who can fix things, (2) a man you can dance with, (3) a man who can pay for things, (4) a man you can talk to and (5) a man to have great sex with. The great news is that four out of the five can be gay."
I would like to add (6) a man you can "hang" with. Whether it's watching tv on the couch or sittin' at a bar, someone who you can totally be yourself with, even if that self is silly or cranky or sad or fun. None of my boys happen to be gay, but most are attached to other women so they might as well be, and I am happy to announce that I have all but a man to pay for things and a man to have great sex with...I'm gonna have to work on those. Thus far I am enjoying the paying for stuff myownself, and since I have decided to be particular, am in no hurry to audition new candidates for the great sex.
Well, my coffee is gone, so I am off to get a refill...the office is filling up and starting to bustle with activity, and since I don't feel like crawling under my desk for a nap, I might be able to get some work done.
Ok, back to my great night...so prior to the sleep fest, which was not interrupted by unwanted calls or out of control dogs, Booya, JD, and I parked it on the couch, scarfed Mexican (OMG, sooo good) and watched an old movie. We were planning on Casablanca, but apparently the video store here had only ONE copy and someone else had it out already. One copy?! It's a classic, how do they only have ONE copy - ugh. Oh well, the movie we did end up with was cool, and we had a nice time, and I was in bed by 10pm, fat and happy.
So after spending a nice night, sandwiched between two lovely boys (neither of which I am, or ever will be, sleeping with) I got to thinking about how much I LIKE having men in my life that I DON'T sleep with...it's nice. Well this got me thinking about Jill Connor Browne's advice in Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love, about the men you need in your life:
"The basic five men each woman should have in her life are (1) a man who can fix things, (2) a man you can dance with, (3) a man who can pay for things, (4) a man you can talk to and (5) a man to have great sex with. The great news is that four out of the five can be gay."
I would like to add (6) a man you can "hang" with. Whether it's watching tv on the couch or sittin' at a bar, someone who you can totally be yourself with, even if that self is silly or cranky or sad or fun. None of my boys happen to be gay, but most are attached to other women so they might as well be, and I am happy to announce that I have all but a man to pay for things and a man to have great sex with...I'm gonna have to work on those. Thus far I am enjoying the paying for stuff myownself, and since I have decided to be particular, am in no hurry to audition new candidates for the great sex.
Well, my coffee is gone, so I am off to get a refill...the office is filling up and starting to bustle with activity, and since I don't feel like crawling under my desk for a nap, I might be able to get some work done.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
oh well
Well, I am finally starting to sleep better and apparently that is just unacceptable. Two nights ago I was in bed AND ASLEEP by 10:30...this just doesn't happen in my world, and a random text woke me up at 12:30. Last night, again, miracle of miracles, in bed and asleep by 11:00. Next thing I know the neighbor's dog is FREAKING out and it sounds like it is in my bedroom...guess what time it was? Yup, 12:30...ugh...and of course I couldn't get back to sleep. When that alarm went off at 5:30 I wanted to cry...thank god for coffee.
So here I am, at work, yawning...trying to look alive, and what I really want to do is take a nap under my desk. Not a whole lot to do, I probably wouldn't be missed...hmmm, but then I would have bed head. Damn.
Wish I had more, a fun story...a bit of news...nope. Nada. Oh well.
So here I am, at work, yawning...trying to look alive, and what I really want to do is take a nap under my desk. Not a whole lot to do, I probably wouldn't be missed...hmmm, but then I would have bed head. Damn.
Wish I had more, a fun story...a bit of news...nope. Nada. Oh well.
Monday, October 20, 2008
another monday
So the dress was a hit...worth every penny - hee hee. The party Saturday night was so much fun. It was so good to see everyone, to hang with the club crowd, and to get a little crazy. I drank more than I planned, of course, and regretted it a little on Sunday afternoon when I had to attend a 3 year old's birthday party, but other than that, fabulous.
Work is quiet today...not much to do. So far this morning I have been returning emails and deciding which of the Pea's school pictures to order. Yup, got the proofs this morning, and OF COURSE I want them all, and a million of them. What a racket they have going...no one can resist pictures of their own kid, lookin' all cute, and the fact that they charge you three times what you can spend at any random photo studio is irrelevant...good thing I only spent $15 on that dress.
Work is quiet today...not much to do. So far this morning I have been returning emails and deciding which of the Pea's school pictures to order. Yup, got the proofs this morning, and OF COURSE I want them all, and a million of them. What a racket they have going...no one can resist pictures of their own kid, lookin' all cute, and the fact that they charge you three times what you can spend at any random photo studio is irrelevant...good thing I only spent $15 on that dress.
Friday, October 17, 2008
good karma
I had a MOST excellent day. The weather was perfect, the Pea was a doll, AND I got a killer dress for a killer deal...more on that later. So the day started with me waking up BEFORE the Pea, not only did I get a great night of sleep, but I woke up feeling good. We headed out early to go to the library and Dunkin Donuts. I was planning on heading home after that, but it was so nice out, we hit the park instead. Sitting outside, on a bench, drinking my coffee and watching the Pea play was a really nice start to the day.
After the park we decide, kind of on a whim, to hit the mall...I have a dress already for tomorrow night, but it's one I have worn before, to the club, and I thought IF I could find another, better one, for a decent price, I would treat myself. When we get there the Pea wants to ride the carousel...problem is I have NO cash, so we have to walk by it, her screaming, and not ride. So we are at the mall, the Pea is playing in the play area, and cuz it has just opened we are the only ones there. After a minute I realize she is squatting in the corner, and eeew, stinky. Damnit...because when we left this morning, I wasn't planning on being out long, I didn't bother to bring diapers...AND, cuz there are no other moms around to borrow from, I am screwed. I yank her up and drag her out of the mall...she is crying and upset, I never got a chance to shop, and it's a haul to go all the way back home. I decide to go to a drug store...thank god there is one on EVERY corner these days...I grab a pack of diapers and a pack of wipes, and change her in the backseat of the car. Well, guess what? NO POOP...yeah, apparently she was just farting...it figures.
OK, fast forward...we are back at the mall, she has gotten herself tuckered in the play area, DID go poop, so getting the diapers worked out, and I am on the lookout for a dress. A PANICKED grandma comes up to me, with her very own two year old in a poopy diaper and asks if I have an extra diaper, cuz she didn't bring any. I start laughing, which she probably didn't appreciate, but I wasn't about to elaborate on, and hand her a diaper. She tries to give me a five dollar bill, and I say "No way, I TOTALLY understand, please just take it." Then she asks for wipes, which are buried underneath my purse in the bottom of the stroller, so I bend down to get them and hand her a handful. As I am walking out of the store I see the $5 underneath my phone in the drink holder of the stroller. When I bent down to get the wipes, she must have jammed it in there.
The Pea and I got to ride the carousel after all.
Well, as if all that wasn't enough to make me feel lucky, I decide to go into a store I NEVER go into and stumble across the deal of the century. The party tomorrow is a breast cancer fundraiser so of course they want you to wear pink...who has a pink dress? Unless you were forced to wear one as a bridesmaid, and we all know those are heinous, or you happen to have one from ANOTHER breast cancer deal...no one. I was hoping for something with pink IN it, or to find a dressy pink top I could wear with jeans and heels. Hanging on a rack, surrounded by boring black, brown and blue dresses is THE CUTEST little pink tank dress, and it just happens to be my size. It is perfect because it has sequins around the neck and hem, so it looks dressy, but its a knit, so it feels like a tee shirt...talk about comfy. It was originally $80...has been marked down to $20...rings up for $15...I practically RAN out of there because I felt like I was stealing.
Anyway, after the mall we headed to the beach...had a great meal, followed by seashell collecting and lounging, and then headed home to get her all packed to go to daddy's house. I was starting to dread letting her go, but we had had such a great day, and she had been so much fun, that I felt like I had enough to carry me through until Sunday. Well, another twist of fate, in my favor...long story short she is sound asleep, in her bed, in my house, and I don't have to let her go until tomorrow afternoon.
Was it just my day or did a big ol' delivery of good karma get dropped off to me by mistake? Hope it's not the latter...hate to have to give that shit back.
After the park we decide, kind of on a whim, to hit the mall...I have a dress already for tomorrow night, but it's one I have worn before, to the club, and I thought IF I could find another, better one, for a decent price, I would treat myself. When we get there the Pea wants to ride the carousel...problem is I have NO cash, so we have to walk by it, her screaming, and not ride. So we are at the mall, the Pea is playing in the play area, and cuz it has just opened we are the only ones there. After a minute I realize she is squatting in the corner, and eeew, stinky. Damnit...because when we left this morning, I wasn't planning on being out long, I didn't bother to bring diapers...AND, cuz there are no other moms around to borrow from, I am screwed. I yank her up and drag her out of the mall...she is crying and upset, I never got a chance to shop, and it's a haul to go all the way back home. I decide to go to a drug store...thank god there is one on EVERY corner these days...I grab a pack of diapers and a pack of wipes, and change her in the backseat of the car. Well, guess what? NO POOP...yeah, apparently she was just farting...it figures.
OK, fast forward...we are back at the mall, she has gotten herself tuckered in the play area, DID go poop, so getting the diapers worked out, and I am on the lookout for a dress. A PANICKED grandma comes up to me, with her very own two year old in a poopy diaper and asks if I have an extra diaper, cuz she didn't bring any. I start laughing, which she probably didn't appreciate, but I wasn't about to elaborate on, and hand her a diaper. She tries to give me a five dollar bill, and I say "No way, I TOTALLY understand, please just take it." Then she asks for wipes, which are buried underneath my purse in the bottom of the stroller, so I bend down to get them and hand her a handful. As I am walking out of the store I see the $5 underneath my phone in the drink holder of the stroller. When I bent down to get the wipes, she must have jammed it in there.
The Pea and I got to ride the carousel after all.
Well, as if all that wasn't enough to make me feel lucky, I decide to go into a store I NEVER go into and stumble across the deal of the century. The party tomorrow is a breast cancer fundraiser so of course they want you to wear pink...who has a pink dress? Unless you were forced to wear one as a bridesmaid, and we all know those are heinous, or you happen to have one from ANOTHER breast cancer deal...no one. I was hoping for something with pink IN it, or to find a dressy pink top I could wear with jeans and heels. Hanging on a rack, surrounded by boring black, brown and blue dresses is THE CUTEST little pink tank dress, and it just happens to be my size. It is perfect because it has sequins around the neck and hem, so it looks dressy, but its a knit, so it feels like a tee shirt...talk about comfy. It was originally $80...has been marked down to $20...rings up for $15...I practically RAN out of there because I felt like I was stealing.
Anyway, after the mall we headed to the beach...had a great meal, followed by seashell collecting and lounging, and then headed home to get her all packed to go to daddy's house. I was starting to dread letting her go, but we had had such a great day, and she had been so much fun, that I felt like I had enough to carry me through until Sunday. Well, another twist of fate, in my favor...long story short she is sound asleep, in her bed, in my house, and I don't have to let her go until tomorrow afternoon.
Was it just my day or did a big ol' delivery of good karma get dropped off to me by mistake? Hope it's not the latter...hate to have to give that shit back.
Monday, October 13, 2008
priorities
I am going to buy another charm for my ankle bracelet today. I can't afford it, it's kind of silly, but I want to remember yesterday. I had a hole in one. Not a "real" hole in one, cuz we were on a par 3 dirt track that basically amounts to 18 holes carved out of peoples backyards and mowed occasionally...but a hole in one nonetheless. A perfect 9 iron, 103 yards, 2 hops and in...I am standing on the tee in jeans and a Packers tee shirt, which is sacrilege as far as I'm concerned, so how the golf gods allowed it in, I don't know...but it was fun.
I start laughing, the girls start screaming, we high five, and then they torture me for the rest of the round, whenever I have more than a 1 to put on the score card, and call me a sandbaggin' ho...how could I NOT want to remember that?
So, the Pea's birthday is coming up and I still don't know what we are going to do for her...I have been tasked with a huge project at work...there is a whole bunch of shit going on that week so DH and I are going to have to change up the whole schedule and I am hoping we can work it out with little bloodshed...OMG, not to mention the Pea's Halloween costume, shit I almost forgot about that...my house is trashed, I need to do laundry. Today would be the perfect day to knock some of that out and what am I gonna do? Shop...shop for something I don't even need...NOOOO, I'm not living in denial with my priorities completely out of whack, no, not me...
I start laughing, the girls start screaming, we high five, and then they torture me for the rest of the round, whenever I have more than a 1 to put on the score card, and call me a sandbaggin' ho...how could I NOT want to remember that?
So, the Pea's birthday is coming up and I still don't know what we are going to do for her...I have been tasked with a huge project at work...there is a whole bunch of shit going on that week so DH and I are going to have to change up the whole schedule and I am hoping we can work it out with little bloodshed...OMG, not to mention the Pea's Halloween costume, shit I almost forgot about that...my house is trashed, I need to do laundry. Today would be the perfect day to knock some of that out and what am I gonna do? Shop...shop for something I don't even need...NOOOO, I'm not living in denial with my priorities completely out of whack, no, not me...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
gifts
Fall Sundays have always been some of my favorite days. Crisp cool air, big newspapers, football, doughnuts...lately they have been a little hectic, and I haven't been able to enjoy them like I used to...until today. Partly because I have tomorrow off and so don't have to scramble to get EVERYTHING done, and partly because I decided last night life is too short, and too long, to not enjoy the little everyday gifts.
I woke up this morning (after actually getting 6 whole hours of sleep!!) to the Pea, standing by my bed. Her standing eye level is exactly my laying down eye level..."wake up, mommy, me wake up...you wake up now?" It's 7:30...first gift of the day: an extra 30 minutes of sleep.
"Mommy, me want punkin doughnut! Me want punkin doughnut!" Ok, sure why not, I could use some coffee, we were gonna do that today eventually, why not head out now...so I start to get dressed. I am standing in the bathroom, with only my underwear on and the Pea comes up, puts her hand on my belly and looks up at me, tilting her head "Mommy, you have BIG belly, WHHHHY? Why you belly so big mommy?" I'm giggling a little at this point, cuz while I don't have the flat perfect belly of a twenty something it's really not THAT big..."Well honey, I guess cuz I like to eat pumpkin doughnuts." For some reason this strikes her as HILARIOUS and she starts laughing that baby belly laugh, which makes me crack up as well, and I am standing in my bathroom half naked cracking up. Second gift: a good belly laugh.
After hitting Dunkin Donuts we head to Walmart. I have had sugar, caffeine, a good laugh, and plenty of sleep...I can do this. I am prepared for the worst, bracing myself for discount hell, and surprise, surprise...it wasn't that bad! Apparently the key to not wanting to kill yourself or others while shopping there is to do it before 9am on a Sunday. Third gift: bags of cheap groceries without the usual accompaniment of a nervous breakdown.
As I sit here now, the Pea is in the garage making me playdoh presents, gifts, and I can't help but smile...it doesn't get any better.
I woke up this morning (after actually getting 6 whole hours of sleep!!) to the Pea, standing by my bed. Her standing eye level is exactly my laying down eye level..."wake up, mommy, me wake up...you wake up now?" It's 7:30...first gift of the day: an extra 30 minutes of sleep.
"Mommy, me want punkin doughnut! Me want punkin doughnut!" Ok, sure why not, I could use some coffee, we were gonna do that today eventually, why not head out now...so I start to get dressed. I am standing in the bathroom, with only my underwear on and the Pea comes up, puts her hand on my belly and looks up at me, tilting her head "Mommy, you have BIG belly, WHHHHY? Why you belly so big mommy?" I'm giggling a little at this point, cuz while I don't have the flat perfect belly of a twenty something it's really not THAT big..."Well honey, I guess cuz I like to eat pumpkin doughnuts." For some reason this strikes her as HILARIOUS and she starts laughing that baby belly laugh, which makes me crack up as well, and I am standing in my bathroom half naked cracking up. Second gift: a good belly laugh.
After hitting Dunkin Donuts we head to Walmart. I have had sugar, caffeine, a good laugh, and plenty of sleep...I can do this. I am prepared for the worst, bracing myself for discount hell, and surprise, surprise...it wasn't that bad! Apparently the key to not wanting to kill yourself or others while shopping there is to do it before 9am on a Sunday. Third gift: bags of cheap groceries without the usual accompaniment of a nervous breakdown.
As I sit here now, the Pea is in the garage making me playdoh presents, gifts, and I can't help but smile...it doesn't get any better.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
safety reminder
Got an email from Match.com this morning...thought I had unsubscribed but I guess they just couldn't resist. The "funny" thing about the email, it wasn't a "hi-we miss you! we have some more perfect matches for you!" like the last, it was a SAFETY reminder. Yeah, apparently folks need to be reminded that there are some crazy birds out there and sad, pathetic, lonely, single folks are a perfect target for scammers and pervs...fabulous. It's been bad enough killin' my own spiders, NOW I have to watch out for scammers and pervs...and emails from Match.com, crap. The email came on the heels of a pretty shitty morning so I probably overreacted a bit, I'm sure happy fun me would have just laughed and deleted it.
Have you ever noticed that a five minute delay getting out the door in the morning can lead to a fifteen minute delay in getting where you are going. It's like everyone decides to cut out at exactly the same time and if you can beat them you are golden, if not, you are screwed. Usually on Mondays and Wednesdays I leave the house between 6:25 and 6:30...I don't hit a single red light, hit any traffic or even see, much less get behind, a bus. This morning I pulled out of the garage at 6:33...I hit EVERY red light, got stuck behind TWO buses and ended up 15 minutes later than I usually am for work.
The Pea was not a happy camper when I left her this morning, and that never helps...it seems Wednesdays are our toughest days. Tuesday nights we get very little time to reconnect and the morning is crazy and she just doesn't want me to leave...not that I want to, but unlike her I understand if I don't, we starve. She still doesn't understand why I have to go to work all of a sudden. She likes school and is adjusting well, but she has said to me on more than one occasion that she would like it better if I did not go to work and stayed with her at school...talk about a kick in the gut.
Ok, enough bitchin'...time to get busy, eyes open for scammers and pervs, a girl can never be too careful ya know.
Have you ever noticed that a five minute delay getting out the door in the morning can lead to a fifteen minute delay in getting where you are going. It's like everyone decides to cut out at exactly the same time and if you can beat them you are golden, if not, you are screwed. Usually on Mondays and Wednesdays I leave the house between 6:25 and 6:30...I don't hit a single red light, hit any traffic or even see, much less get behind, a bus. This morning I pulled out of the garage at 6:33...I hit EVERY red light, got stuck behind TWO buses and ended up 15 minutes later than I usually am for work.
The Pea was not a happy camper when I left her this morning, and that never helps...it seems Wednesdays are our toughest days. Tuesday nights we get very little time to reconnect and the morning is crazy and she just doesn't want me to leave...not that I want to, but unlike her I understand if I don't, we starve. She still doesn't understand why I have to go to work all of a sudden. She likes school and is adjusting well, but she has said to me on more than one occasion that she would like it better if I did not go to work and stayed with her at school...talk about a kick in the gut.
Ok, enough bitchin'...time to get busy, eyes open for scammers and pervs, a girl can never be too careful ya know.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
rabid bats
So you know those news headlines that pop up when you sign online? You can click on them to read the whole story...well this morning one of them caught my eye "Mom brings rabid bat to school." I read the story...turns out mom decided a dead rabid bat would be the perfect thing to bring in for show and tell...why of course! Long story short all 90 kids who touched the damn thing have to get a rabies series at a cost - to the school - of $70k...ooopsie. Got me thinkin'...what else should one NOT bring in to school for show and tell...you would think these would be common sense, but then again...
Dead rabid bunnies, dogs, cats, mice...oh you name it, pretty much any dead animal, probably not a good idea...come to think of it, LIVE rabid animals also NOT a good idea.
Poisonous snakes, like rattlers, copperheads, water moccasins, coral snakes...poisonous spiders too, especially in open containers, those little suckers tend to be quick and can get away from you before you know it.
Shotguns, pistols...weapons in general, although you might could get away with a stun gun...flame throwers and anti-aircraft missiles are especially cumbersome and would just be a pain.
Chemicals, nuclear waste, toxic/hazardous materials...these have to be marked and identified in very specific ways which is just a drag AND they can be stinky and messy...kids tend to be stinky and messy enough on their own.
Think that covers most of the biggies, OH, and razor blades, broken glass, heroin, porn...well you can bring the porn, but only for the teachers.
Dead rabid bunnies, dogs, cats, mice...oh you name it, pretty much any dead animal, probably not a good idea...come to think of it, LIVE rabid animals also NOT a good idea.
Poisonous snakes, like rattlers, copperheads, water moccasins, coral snakes...poisonous spiders too, especially in open containers, those little suckers tend to be quick and can get away from you before you know it.
Shotguns, pistols...weapons in general, although you might could get away with a stun gun...flame throwers and anti-aircraft missiles are especially cumbersome and would just be a pain.
Chemicals, nuclear waste, toxic/hazardous materials...these have to be marked and identified in very specific ways which is just a drag AND they can be stinky and messy...kids tend to be stinky and messy enough on their own.
Think that covers most of the biggies, OH, and razor blades, broken glass, heroin, porn...well you can bring the porn, but only for the teachers.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
so far, so good
So far, so good. As my first week of "real" work comes to a close, I gotta say, I couldn't be happier with how things are turning out. Obviously, my life in general is not fantastic, but given the circumstances, things are shaping up nicely, and I feel good about the direction I am headed. Yesterday when I dropped the Pea off at school she said goodbye, blew me a kiss and I was off. No tears from either one of us. I finally have an official job title and description, and am starting to feel useful.
I ran into an acquaintance from the club last night at a bar...planned on going to yoga, somehow ended up there...best laid plans...anyhoo, he asked me how I was doing and if I was happy, and I could honestly answer that I am doing well, and yes, happy. I still have my moments obviously, and as the weeks wear on and the novelty of the newness wears off I know I will have some bad days, but I at least feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am not so damn mad at DH all the time, and there has been less sadness and melancholy as of late.
I miss the Pea, gotta say that's the one thing I wish I could change. I wish there was a way to spend more time with her. Night before last when I picked her up we had only enough time to eat a quick dinner and then get ready for bed. We still had our snuggle time and read books, but it seemed very rushed, and then before I knew it, it was morning again and she was gone, and I was off. I am looking forward to having the next three days with her to catch up and reconnect.
Well, as I am enjoying the job and want to keep it, I better get to it...
I ran into an acquaintance from the club last night at a bar...planned on going to yoga, somehow ended up there...best laid plans...anyhoo, he asked me how I was doing and if I was happy, and I could honestly answer that I am doing well, and yes, happy. I still have my moments obviously, and as the weeks wear on and the novelty of the newness wears off I know I will have some bad days, but I at least feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am not so damn mad at DH all the time, and there has been less sadness and melancholy as of late.
I miss the Pea, gotta say that's the one thing I wish I could change. I wish there was a way to spend more time with her. Night before last when I picked her up we had only enough time to eat a quick dinner and then get ready for bed. We still had our snuggle time and read books, but it seemed very rushed, and then before I knew it, it was morning again and she was gone, and I was off. I am looking forward to having the next three days with her to catch up and reconnect.
Well, as I am enjoying the job and want to keep it, I better get to it...
Saturday, September 27, 2008
fish, pigs, cows, & chickens
As I sit here typing, I have 7 fish stuck to my forehead, 3 pigs on a boob, 4 cows on my arm, and 10, yes 10 chickens, on the back of my neck. They are stickers, photo stickers and the Pea got such a kick out of sticking them to my various parts I couldn't bear to take them off...I will of course, soon, I just wanted to write about it first. See, I had one of those really good mommy days, and those stickers were just the icing on the cake. I have had those stickers in my possession for 17 years...yes, I said 17 years. See back then mom worked for the company that made those stickers and as she had thousands of samples in her possession when she left the company, she gave them to me. I was a little wacky at the time (ok still am, whatEVER) and an aspiring artist and she figured I could use 'em. Well I squirrelled them away to be used only on special occasions and for "when I had a kid" and whataya know, here I am 17 years later with 'em stuck all over my body.
The day started pretty good, as upon waking the Pea informed me I was once again "her very best fwend" and since that was waaay better than the f*cking piece of shit she had me pegged for last night, I figured we were in for a great day. Hit a little bump in the road when DH informed me that he would be returning to the club as an INDIVIDUAL member, and wow wasn't that just great! Yeah, really f*cking great that you can play golf 4 days a week now while I work my ass off and drive 4 hours a day and put groceries on a credit card I will never be able to pay off...bully for you, f*ck off...ANYHOO, yeah that's my new favorite saying: bully for you, f*ck off...just read a British book can you tell? Oh yeah and (referring to wicked pretty girls who are smarter and have more money than you) Miss Bitchcuntwhorefromhell, but that one didn't apply...
Ok, back to my good mommy day...we had a tea party, played outside, went to town with my paints and a new canvas, took a walk around the pond and chased the ducks, ate a nice dinner together (even clinked our glasses and said cheers!) and then had fun with stickers...oh and took lots of silly pictures with my phone. I even got to watch the premier of The Office which I had dvr'd (is that a word?) while she took a nap. So I don't spend my Saturdays at the club anymore, so what? I still miss it, and would love to be out there, but I am pretty sure having fish on your forehead and pigs on your boob would violate the dress code...and we couldn't have that.
The day started pretty good, as upon waking the Pea informed me I was once again "her very best fwend" and since that was waaay better than the f*cking piece of shit she had me pegged for last night, I figured we were in for a great day. Hit a little bump in the road when DH informed me that he would be returning to the club as an INDIVIDUAL member, and wow wasn't that just great! Yeah, really f*cking great that you can play golf 4 days a week now while I work my ass off and drive 4 hours a day and put groceries on a credit card I will never be able to pay off...bully for you, f*ck off...ANYHOO, yeah that's my new favorite saying: bully for you, f*ck off...just read a British book can you tell? Oh yeah and (referring to wicked pretty girls who are smarter and have more money than you) Miss Bitchcuntwhorefromhell, but that one didn't apply...
Ok, back to my good mommy day...we had a tea party, played outside, went to town with my paints and a new canvas, took a walk around the pond and chased the ducks, ate a nice dinner together (even clinked our glasses and said cheers!) and then had fun with stickers...oh and took lots of silly pictures with my phone. I even got to watch the premier of The Office which I had dvr'd (is that a word?) while she took a nap. So I don't spend my Saturdays at the club anymore, so what? I still miss it, and would love to be out there, but I am pretty sure having fish on your forehead and pigs on your boob would violate the dress code...and we couldn't have that.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
making the most of it
I am home, after a long, busy, rainy, crazy day...for the most part it was good, but I miss the Pea. I guess the reality hit me today...this is how EVERYDAY will be...wow. So I am home, without my little one, and I know I should paint, or catch up on emails, or phone calls, but all I want to do is snuggle up on the couch with a glass of wine and a man. Fortunately, I have the wine.
Did a lot of thinking today...it was one of those days I guess. I am reading a new book and one of lines in it (referring to breakups) went something like "men mope, women cope" I thought that was interesting. I can only hope that I am coping. Some days I feel so sure of myself, so confident and happy. Other times I feel like I did all those times I started a new school, in a new town or state...completely lost, alone and baffled. I remember coming to North Carolina in the 5th grade from the west coast...talk about culture shock...and then again, starting 6th grade in New York...I had no idea what was up. That's how I feel sometimes now...like a stranger in my own life, I think that's why it was so important to stay here when DH and I split up even though financially it would have been better to move to the town I work in...I am starting to wonder if that was a good decision, if maybe I would be better off up there. Alone here, alone there, what difference does it make, at least up there I wouldn't have the drive.
Oh well, no point second guessing now...I am here now, I have to make the most of it. I am going to make myself a nice dinner, pour a glass of wine and curl up on the couch with the remote, which, since there is no man here, I have complete control of...hmmmm, not so bad.
Did a lot of thinking today...it was one of those days I guess. I am reading a new book and one of lines in it (referring to breakups) went something like "men mope, women cope" I thought that was interesting. I can only hope that I am coping. Some days I feel so sure of myself, so confident and happy. Other times I feel like I did all those times I started a new school, in a new town or state...completely lost, alone and baffled. I remember coming to North Carolina in the 5th grade from the west coast...talk about culture shock...and then again, starting 6th grade in New York...I had no idea what was up. That's how I feel sometimes now...like a stranger in my own life, I think that's why it was so important to stay here when DH and I split up even though financially it would have been better to move to the town I work in...I am starting to wonder if that was a good decision, if maybe I would be better off up there. Alone here, alone there, what difference does it make, at least up there I wouldn't have the drive.
Oh well, no point second guessing now...I am here now, I have to make the most of it. I am going to make myself a nice dinner, pour a glass of wine and curl up on the couch with the remote, which, since there is no man here, I have complete control of...hmmmm, not so bad.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
evolution of dance
Buddy of mine turned me on to this...if you need a break and a laugh...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg
I thought it was a great!
If the link doesn't work...Evolution of Dance, on YouTube...enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg
I thought it was a great!
If the link doesn't work...Evolution of Dance, on YouTube...enjoy!
Monday, September 22, 2008
ok
I managed to get through the day without throwing up...I am very happy about that. It ended up being a decent day. I worked out, got to take a shower without the Pea opening the shower curtain every two minutes to check on me, and when I picked her up she was happy to see me. They said she had a good day and was adjusting well...maybe we will be ok after all.
sad
The Pea started school today...daycare. I never wanted her to be in a daycare center...I tried to be happy and excited and we bought a special outfit and took pictures...DH and I went together to try and make it nice and special. She went into the classroom, gave me a hug and a kiss and I lost the show. It has been over an hour now and I am still crying. My baby girl is no longer a baby, I am no longer the center of her universe, and the life I wanted her to have is no longer an option...it is awful.
The day is rainy and dreary, mirrors my mood exactly...I don't know what to do with myself. I want to go pick her up now and run away and never have to take her back there again. I know it's silly and we will adjust, and ultimately all will be well, but right now, in this moment, I want to throw up...my stomach is in knots, I am sad and lonely, and I hate myself and this life I have.
The day is rainy and dreary, mirrors my mood exactly...I don't know what to do with myself. I want to go pick her up now and run away and never have to take her back there again. I know it's silly and we will adjust, and ultimately all will be well, but right now, in this moment, I want to throw up...my stomach is in knots, I am sad and lonely, and I hate myself and this life I have.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
super powers
Pea and I did the Sunday morning doughnut run this morning because she will be with her dad tomorrow morning, and well, I wanted a doughnut. Apparently before I left the house I activated my invisible super powers and no one could see me or my car. As I was pulling into the coffee shop (off a major road with cars behind me) a jogger decided that instead of stopping at the curb and waiting he would just run right in front of me without a thought...not only could I have killed him if I hadn't slammed on brakes sending the Pea and I both hurtling forward, but it could have caused a 3 car pileup had the car behind me not done the same. He didn't hurry to get out of the way, wave a "oops, my bad" or even glance over...meanwhile brakes are screeching, cars are swerving, hearts are racing.
Ok, so I manage to finally get in the parking lot and as I am pulling around to the drive thru a car backs out in front of me - again forcing me to slam on brakes, and again no oopsie wave, no hurryin' to get out of my way, nothin', she just backs out, takes her time turning the car out of the spot and goes on in front of me like nothin'. After gettin' the goods we head to my new favorite store Target and not only am I invisible to other people, but now inanimate objects don't recognize I am there either...the Pea and I head in the automatic door and IT SHUTS ON US...yeah, it opened, we started through and BAM, now those suckers are heavy and once they start closing it's not like a regular door you can just push back open..WTF? now it's just getting ridiculous.
So I am in line to check out, I have my stuff on the counter, the girl ringing me up is not aware of my super power because she does see me, is doing a great job, we are chatting and next thing I know a big red shopping cart barrels into me and nearly KNOCKS ME OVER and a lady walks around to the front of it, pushing me aside with her big fat ass and starts just throwin' stuff on the conveyor belt, right on top of my stuff!!! No "OMG, I'm sorry, excuse me, I'm in a hurry, get out of my way skinny bitch" NOTHIN'...it is as if she DOESN'T EVEN SEE ME...very strange.
Now of all the super powers I would like to have, being invisible is not in the top 3...not to say it wouldn't be fun, think fly on the wall at a party, etc, but I would much rather be able to fly, have super human strength or be able to read people's minds...of course that one could be scary.
Ok, so I manage to finally get in the parking lot and as I am pulling around to the drive thru a car backs out in front of me - again forcing me to slam on brakes, and again no oopsie wave, no hurryin' to get out of my way, nothin', she just backs out, takes her time turning the car out of the spot and goes on in front of me like nothin'. After gettin' the goods we head to my new favorite store Target and not only am I invisible to other people, but now inanimate objects don't recognize I am there either...the Pea and I head in the automatic door and IT SHUTS ON US...yeah, it opened, we started through and BAM, now those suckers are heavy and once they start closing it's not like a regular door you can just push back open..WTF? now it's just getting ridiculous.
So I am in line to check out, I have my stuff on the counter, the girl ringing me up is not aware of my super power because she does see me, is doing a great job, we are chatting and next thing I know a big red shopping cart barrels into me and nearly KNOCKS ME OVER and a lady walks around to the front of it, pushing me aside with her big fat ass and starts just throwin' stuff on the conveyor belt, right on top of my stuff!!! No "OMG, I'm sorry, excuse me, I'm in a hurry, get out of my way skinny bitch" NOTHIN'...it is as if she DOESN'T EVEN SEE ME...very strange.
Now of all the super powers I would like to have, being invisible is not in the top 3...not to say it wouldn't be fun, think fly on the wall at a party, etc, but I would much rather be able to fly, have super human strength or be able to read people's minds...of course that one could be scary.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
undoing i do
I didn't finish the book. At 2 a.m. I made myself put it down and turn off the light. I then tossed and turned for awhile thinking about how divorce is one of those human experiences that is so unique and awful and experienced completely different by everyone and yet exactly the same every time. It's like losing a loved one, or childbirth...every time is different, indescribable and utterly your own, but the litany of emotions are always the same. They are all experiences one must actually go through before really understanding.
I remember after having the Pea, looking at Smash in a whole new light. I thought I could understand how she felt when she had JJ and Boo, I was there, I love them too, surely I got it? No way...divorce is like childbirth that way. You can read about it, talk about it, go through it with a loved one, and the same things will happen, it will have the same outcome, and yet until you live it, you are completely unaware of what it really does to you, of how it changes you and makes you a different person.
The woman in the book is so not like me, and yet we are the same...her marriage and divorce are different from mine on so many levels and yet the feelings, the emotions, the ups, downs, uncertainties, desperation...it's all there. I dog eared a few pages as I read because there were statements in there so on the mark it was scary...I am not gonna quote them all, but in reading back through this morning these struck a cord, again.
More than half my bed is covered with open books - occupying roughly the same amount of space Tobin would have. I skim and switch between them, settle into one all night long whenever I forget that beds are for resting, for sleeping, for making love. Reading is my substitute for sleep and my consolation prize for being alone.
The first time the children are picked up for visitation brings unexpected questions. What is the proper protocol?...Are the children uncomfortable and do they worry we will fight? Do I run to the window and scratch the glass like a demented, abandoned pet as they walk down the sidewalk? Beg them to have a good time, but not too good. (Oh, I hate myself.) Pray that they come back, that they'll want to come back, that they'll sleep well, that they won't get hurt, oh God.
I am planning on extending the book so I can keep reading. I want to finish it, see how she turns out...I suspect I know, but I want to find out for sure.
I remember after having the Pea, looking at Smash in a whole new light. I thought I could understand how she felt when she had JJ and Boo, I was there, I love them too, surely I got it? No way...divorce is like childbirth that way. You can read about it, talk about it, go through it with a loved one, and the same things will happen, it will have the same outcome, and yet until you live it, you are completely unaware of what it really does to you, of how it changes you and makes you a different person.
The woman in the book is so not like me, and yet we are the same...her marriage and divorce are different from mine on so many levels and yet the feelings, the emotions, the ups, downs, uncertainties, desperation...it's all there. I dog eared a few pages as I read because there were statements in there so on the mark it was scary...I am not gonna quote them all, but in reading back through this morning these struck a cord, again.
More than half my bed is covered with open books - occupying roughly the same amount of space Tobin would have. I skim and switch between them, settle into one all night long whenever I forget that beds are for resting, for sleeping, for making love. Reading is my substitute for sleep and my consolation prize for being alone.
The first time the children are picked up for visitation brings unexpected questions. What is the proper protocol?...Are the children uncomfortable and do they worry we will fight? Do I run to the window and scratch the glass like a demented, abandoned pet as they walk down the sidewalk? Beg them to have a good time, but not too good. (Oh, I hate myself.) Pray that they come back, that they'll want to come back, that they'll sleep well, that they won't get hurt, oh God.
I am planning on extending the book so I can keep reading. I want to finish it, see how she turns out...I suspect I know, but I want to find out for sure.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
nothin great
Don't have any idea what to write about...things haven't changed, nothing great has happened, and I don't have any good stories. I had a really busy day yesterday, just runnin' around, getting things done. I have another fairly busy day again today. It is always better for me when I am busy because then I don't get a chance to think.
I started a book last night Undoing I do by Anastasia Royal. It's a novel, supposed to be very good. It is a little strange, the chapters are short, some very, only a sentence or two...and it jumps back and forth between the present, her marriage coming apart, and the past, when they first met. It is only a 7day from the library and I checked it out last Wednesday so I have to finish it tonight...we shall see.
Well I am off to pick up the Pea, she spent last night with her dad, and try to keep myself busy...more later.
I started a book last night Undoing I do by Anastasia Royal. It's a novel, supposed to be very good. It is a little strange, the chapters are short, some very, only a sentence or two...and it jumps back and forth between the present, her marriage coming apart, and the past, when they first met. It is only a 7day from the library and I checked it out last Wednesday so I have to finish it tonight...we shall see.
Well I am off to pick up the Pea, she spent last night with her dad, and try to keep myself busy...more later.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
wanna see my rocket?
Another day...nothing good, nothing bad. Did the Sunday doughnut run, planted the flowers, got the front yard lookin' pretty good, managed to avoid confrontation with DH...tried like hell to NOT think about anything other than having fun with the Pea. Life is gonna get tough in two weeks and we won't get to spend as much time together so in the meantime I am determined to spend as much quality time as I can with her and not let her see me upset. I will fall apart, worry, fret and cry when she is in bed asleep or with her dad.
So since I don't have any funny stories of my own I thought I would give you one of Smash's.
Early a.m. Smash still a little groggy, 4 year old Boo comes into the bedroom,
Boo: "Hey mommy."
Smash: "Hey buddy, g'mornin'."
Boo: "Wanna see my rocket?"
Smash: "Sure buddy."
Boo, pulling down his pants and thrusting his morning wood forward: "SEE!"
Smash: "Oh dear...honey, put that away, I don't want to see that, and please don't go around showing other people either."
Boo: "But mommy, you said you wanted to see!"
Smash: "Well, honey, that was before I knew you meant THAT rocket."
hee hee
So since I don't have any funny stories of my own I thought I would give you one of Smash's.
Early a.m. Smash still a little groggy, 4 year old Boo comes into the bedroom,
Boo: "Hey mommy."
Smash: "Hey buddy, g'mornin'."
Boo: "Wanna see my rocket?"
Smash: "Sure buddy."
Boo, pulling down his pants and thrusting his morning wood forward: "SEE!"
Smash: "Oh dear...honey, put that away, I don't want to see that, and please don't go around showing other people either."
Boo: "But mommy, you said you wanted to see!"
Smash: "Well, honey, that was before I knew you meant THAT rocket."
hee hee
Friday, September 12, 2008
me likey the boys
Well today was one of those days I (hate to say it!) wish I had a man around. Had to go buy a lawn mower, and now have to mow my own lawn. Ok, the mowing not that big a deal, just have to get used to doing it myself again...getting the lawn mower, getting it home, and then getting it out of the car, ugh. Yeah so there I was at home, after having help at the store, standing with hands on hips staring into the back of my car going "how the hell am I gonna manage this one?" Big strong neighbor guy is at work, Booya is back in the country but lives 2 hours away, my other boys are off the radar, and sure as HELL not gonna call DH, hmmmmm.
Ok, so I NOT so gracefully and with very little bloodshed, manage to muscle the thing out of the car and onto the garage floor, but now I don't have the energy to put it together and start mowing...which brings me to now...sitting in my office, typing instead of out in my yard. Oh well.
I would like to be one of those women who can do anything, take care of everything, and never give a thought to having a man around, but truth is I like having a man around. Not just for the heavy lifting and spider killing either...I like sex, I like to watch sports, I like just hanging out and being lazy...none of that is as much fun by yourself.
Ok, so I NOT so gracefully and with very little bloodshed, manage to muscle the thing out of the car and onto the garage floor, but now I don't have the energy to put it together and start mowing...which brings me to now...sitting in my office, typing instead of out in my yard. Oh well.
I would like to be one of those women who can do anything, take care of everything, and never give a thought to having a man around, but truth is I like having a man around. Not just for the heavy lifting and spider killing either...I like sex, I like to watch sports, I like just hanging out and being lazy...none of that is as much fun by yourself.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
remembering 9/11/01
Seven years ago this morning life as I knew it changed...I remember it like it was yesterday, I had just gotten out of the shower, I was putting on my uniform ready to go out on a 3 day trip. I turned on the TV, which I hardly ever did at the time, to watch the Today show and watched as they announced a jet had just flown into one of the towers. I stood there unable to breathe, watching...then they showed that second plane and I knew it was no accident...the plane had been banked too perfectly, with no hesitation...I stood in my bedroom in my bra and uniform skirt, my hair dripping wet, stunned. Then the towers started to collapse and I started screaming. I was sobbing and screaming at the TV, and my mind was racing...WTF had just happened and why?
As the day wore on it became clear what had happened and that my whole world had changed. I had lost my job, the only job I had ever really loved and excelled at. I had lost my faith in the idea that good always triumphs over evil. And I had lost that sense of security that we, as Americans, had been able to take for granted. My whole world turned upside down and I hadn't lost a loved one. I can't imagine what life would have been like the last seven years had I lost a parent, sibling, spouse, lover, friend, child...
My world is once again upside down, things are crazy and hectic and I am unsure of the future, but I know I am grateful for everyday, no matter how bad it seems at the time. I know I am lucky to be living in the greatest country in the world, lucky to be healthy and have a healthy child, lucky to have the job I have, and lucky to be surrounded by people I love, who love me back, everyday.
As the day wore on it became clear what had happened and that my whole world had changed. I had lost my job, the only job I had ever really loved and excelled at. I had lost my faith in the idea that good always triumphs over evil. And I had lost that sense of security that we, as Americans, had been able to take for granted. My whole world turned upside down and I hadn't lost a loved one. I can't imagine what life would have been like the last seven years had I lost a parent, sibling, spouse, lover, friend, child...
My world is once again upside down, things are crazy and hectic and I am unsure of the future, but I know I am grateful for everyday, no matter how bad it seems at the time. I know I am lucky to be living in the greatest country in the world, lucky to be healthy and have a healthy child, lucky to have the job I have, and lucky to be surrounded by people I love, who love me back, everyday.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
best fwend
The Pea's new favorite thing to say is:
"Mommy, me yuv you, you my best fwend."
O.M.G.
Just thought I would make a note of it. In 10 yrs, when I am not the center of her universe I will need a reminder that at one point I was.
"Mommy, me yuv you, you my best fwend."
O.M.G.
Just thought I would make a note of it. In 10 yrs, when I am not the center of her universe I will need a reminder that at one point I was.
Friday, September 5, 2008
hurricane shmurricane
Hanna is on her way and the Pea and I are having a hurricane party. Don't think she is even a hurricane any more but tropical storm party just doesn't sound as cool. We went out this morning for supplies. First we went to the library to load up on books, 2 trashy novels for me, 5 picture books for her...if we can't watch TV we will need reading materials. Next we hit Target for all the important stuff, here's what we got:
2 flashlights, so we can read the above mentioned books if the lights go out.
1 box wine, red of course because if we lose power we wouldn't be able to keep the white cold...that's just for me, the Pea got juice boxes.
2 packages of Newman-Os, gotta have cookies and we can pretend those are healthy.
1 box cheddar bunnies, if we need salty to follow the sweet.
2 scented candles, crisp linen, cuz if you have to light candles they should at least smell nice.
1 can bug spray, driving rain tends to make the bugs think they should head inside, and our party is invite only, no bugs allowed...any little crashers will be killed on site.
I think we're all set, I'm very excited...of course since we have no ACTUAL supplies like bottled water, batteries, cash, canned foods or ice we are screwed if it gets bad...ooopsie.
2 flashlights, so we can read the above mentioned books if the lights go out.
1 box wine, red of course because if we lose power we wouldn't be able to keep the white cold...that's just for me, the Pea got juice boxes.
2 packages of Newman-Os, gotta have cookies and we can pretend those are healthy.
1 box cheddar bunnies, if we need salty to follow the sweet.
2 scented candles, crisp linen, cuz if you have to light candles they should at least smell nice.
1 can bug spray, driving rain tends to make the bugs think they should head inside, and our party is invite only, no bugs allowed...any little crashers will be killed on site.
I think we're all set, I'm very excited...of course since we have no ACTUAL supplies like bottled water, batteries, cash, canned foods or ice we are screwed if it gets bad...ooopsie.
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