NutterButter anyone?

Day 22 was Get Your Hair Did...I love to say that BTW...uhm, NO...it has taken me three and a half years to grow it out since chopping it all off (albeit to donate, but still) and it is finally lookin' good...not touchin' it, no how, no way. Booya is gettin' his hair did this morning, but since there is not a hair on his head more than a quarter of an inch long I am not sure exactly why...and yes, I realize I am now a day behind, sh*t happens...I happen to be very busy with my new job: Match.com.

Oh yeah, and you thought it was just a dating site...NO, NO...it is like a freakin' job, and since I can't look at it while I am at my REAL job, I am stuck "managing" it at night. Holy guacamole...once I finally got my profile up and all the pictures approved I was inundated with "winks" messages, "I'm interested" and emails...WOW...feelin' down, a little low, like no one likes you? Just send Match your credit card and before you know it you will think you are THE MOST popular person EVER. Granted, most of the guys are, how shall I say this...not my type, but, it is flattering nonetheless. I am sure once I am no longer the "new girl" things will slow down, but for now I am gonna just roll with it and date. I figure worst case: I will walk away with stories...lots and lots of stories...best case: I walk away with a man...I see no downsides.

I already have stories actually, and haven't even met anyone in person. Yesterday, after the profile finally got approved, I was sent "my matches" which are five guys who (supposedly) are perfect for me. One of them looked promising so I clicked on his profile to see more. Turns out MrBitter was doubtful he could find a woman who was capable of not lying, cheating, or whoring , BUT he was willing to give it a try, even though he didn't have time to date and had no interest in wining or dining cuz that just wasn't his style and any woman who wanted that could just "go away now" cuz he wasn't about to spend a bunch of money only to get betrayed and YES he did want to get remarried but only if he could find a woman who actually understood what that meant and could handle a husband who was a REAL MAN and liked to shoot guns and drive fast cars. I am paraphrasing...his rant actually sounded bitter. Clearly this dude was hurt, and prolly not ready to date, but hey, at least he was straight up honest about his blazing mistrust and hatred of women. I was sucked into an online chat with a seemingly normal, nice guy, only to find after many exchanges that he too really didn't like women all that much, especially if they didn't give it up right away, since that is all they are good for...I mean the nerve of some women (me) to want to get to know a guy before agreeing to sleep with him.

If I wasn't embarking on this journey along side Booya and able to see things from a guy's perspective I would have been horrified, incredulous, and shocked...seems there are a few nutty broads out there and if a guy spends any time at all (like a week or so) on the site he will get his fair share. I am gonna explain, don't worry. So Booya has had a few matches, made a few connections, talked to a few girls...they have ALL turned out to be nutters but the little lady I have taken to calling NutterButter takes the cake. See, Booya is an ass man, and upon finding this out (within oh 5 minutes or so of chatting with him online) she sends him a picture of hers. O-kaaay...but it is clothed, and hey, it isn't like everyone who walks behind her on a daily basis doesn't see the thing so why not. Well, Booya being a boy, he OF COURSE then asked (as a joke, except not really) to send him a picture without clothes. Ha ha, very funny, let's get to know each other first, make a joke about it right? NO, no, no...she UP AND SENDS IT. Well, I think ok, she dropped her drawers and snapped a pic of the hiney, whoopie, go Booya...again, NO, NO...she is porn star doggie style and buck nekkid and you can see it all.

WHAT?! ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? Girlfriend, pleez...you have chil-ren, you have a job, have you heard of the INTERNET...it is this place whereby anyone can post anything for all the world to see. Now, I know Booya is not gonna take advantage of this girl or go bat shit crazy and stalk her but SHE DOESN'T. She has never met the man...he could be CRAY-ZEE (just like her! ouch that was mean)...but wait, THERE'S MORE! Last night she sent A VIDEO...I won't horrify you with the details...sweetie, darlin, bless your heart...uhm two words YOU TUBE. Yeah, and the thing that I am most baffled by is this: apparently this shit happens ALL THE TIME. I was so shocked by it I, of course, had to talk to all my man friends about it and they all, without any shock or horror upon hearing the story, confirmed that yes indeedy, ALL THE TIME.

Ladies and Gentleman, buckle your seat belts...we are in for a bumpy ride.