sure about that?

Anyone who knows me well, knows I drink coffee...lots and lots of coffee. Now normally, I like it iced, and like it better when someone else (preferably someone at Dunkin Donuts) prepares it for me. Monday and Wednesday mornings, as much as I would like to swing through a drive-thru, it just isn't an option, so...I make my coffee at home (and yes it is Dunkin Donuts coffee, hazelnut), pour it over ice, add milk and Splenda, and I am off. Week before last, I was running low on Splenda, so last time I went to the grocery store, I bought some...only they didn't have the regular, apparently there had been a run on it or something, so I bought the kind with fiber in it.

When mom was here at Thanksgiving, she had the fiber stuff with her and every morning made a cup of tea and added it. I asked her at the time if it tasted nasty or made her tea thick and goopy and she said no. So, knowing that fiber is good for me and also knowing that I don't get enough because I prefer foods that are horrible for me, I thought "What the hell? I might as well give it a try." Well as I made that first cup this past Wednesday and added that fiber laden sweetener I remembered a conversation I had with Smash while mom was here.

me: so ya know how you can get fiber and add it to your drinks and stuff, well now they have a Splenda/fiber combo...mom has it, she puts it in her tea every morning, I was thinking about getting some and adding to my coffee in the mornings.

Smash: really...yeah, I dunno if that is a good idea, are you sure about that?

me: yeah, mom says it doesn't taste bad or anything

Smash: not that, I mean, fiber...coffee...I would shit myself before I got out of the driveway...seriously...

me: hmmm, well my driveway isn't as long as yours...

But it was too late...I had already put it in, I didn't have any more coffee made, and if I didn't leave right then I wouldn't make it to work on time. Well, I said, to hell with it, and with every sip I swear all I could think was: I just got my car back, all fixed and clean, and I really don't want to have to tell the Pea we are going to have to switch cars AGAIN.

Happy to report I did NOT shit myself, I don't have to get a new car, and I have a WHOLE box of Splenda with fiber if anyone wants it.

bob meet dad, dad...bob

Got this email FWD and as I read through I thought (while laughing) I guess this is how it would be if I took BOB home for the holidays...

Subject: vibrator

As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

BTW...BOB and I still haven't had a "date," as I am still scared to take him out of the package.

snow day

I have had a fantastic day. It was a snow day...a SNOW DAY!!! Those are rare in this area, and always a fun treat if you can manage to swing the day off work to enjoy it. Well I did manage to swing the day off...I will probably take tomorrow off as well. My already great four day weekend has turned into a mini-vacation.

It has been so much fun playing, really playing, with the Pea...and she always manages to say or do something funny at just the right time. Today the rental car place called me to tell me they needed to switch cars on me (AGAIN!) and I needed to bring in the old one...well it kinda ticked me off, first off I didn't want to venture out in the snow with a bunch of idiots who don't know how to drive in it, and second, I didn't want to have to clear out all my crap. I'm kind of a nester...I practically live out of my car and like to have all possible necessities at my finger tips at all times...cds, napkins, money, lip gloss, extra clothes, pens, paper...you name it...not only that but anyone with children knows that they can't help but nest, in addition to her own cds, napkins, lip gloss and clothes were seashells, crayons, Cheerios and stickers...my god I must have cleared out three dozen stickers. Anyway, knowing that I am going to have to clear all this shit out and not wanting to venture onto the highway I hem and haw and they agree to come to my house with the new car, and since the Pea DID throw up in the old one the other day, I decided a new one might not be a bad idea. Well, I hung up the phone, annoyed, and got ready to head outside to make the exchange.

Pea: "Mommy, what's wrong?"

me: "Oh, nothing Pea, mommy just has to go clean all our stuff out of the car so we can get a new one."

Pea: "Why mommy?"

me: "Honestly sweetie, I dunno, just stay inside and watch Dora, OK?"

Pea: "Mommy, (hands on hips) did you pee in the car AGAIN?"

Kid you not...

bob

Well it has been a pretty good weekend...started off ummm, different...but has turned out rather well. OK, started off with one of my rather well meaning friends deciding to gift me (since I am not getting any REAL man) with a BOB, battery operated boyfriend...yeah...guess I got me a rocket after all.

I got to her house Friday morning and she handed me this, well...gift...and starts laughing her head off cuz apparently I turned about 3 shades of red and had to pick up my chin off the floor. I am not accustomed to such "gifts," I almost dropped it cuz it scared me. This thing is FRIGHTENING...not ONLY is it quite a bit larger than most of the penises I have run across but it has...how should I say this...ummmm...appendages? I am a little bit scared of the uncircumcised, and that is a little extra that is SUPPOSED to be there...BOB has things protruding that are just ridiculous...and as far as I can tell (although I haven't worked up the courage to take it out of the packaging) there are no instructions. Not only that, but it was rather expensive, the Mercedes of BOBs, and it didn't come with a gift receipt so it's not like I can exchange it for something else...crotchless panties perhaps?...at least those I would know what to do with. O.M.G.

Ok, so with BOB tucked away in a far corner of the closet, well out of reach of the Pea, and ME for that matter, the weekend moved forward. The Pea and I spent some quality time hangin' at the mall and snuggling on the couch AND I managed to get the Christmas tree down - FINALLY. The Pea has been a doll this weekend, she really is a little girl now, not a baby, and she is fun to hang with. Not only that, she will let me have some time to myself and entertain herself, which is quite new and exciting for me. I was able to get a long, hot shower this morning with no repercussions...usually I either have to race out of there cuz she is harassing and calling me, or I emerge to find some ridiculous mess that I could have never imagined.

Of course, right now my whole house is a ridiculous mess, so if she made one I might not even notice it...I wonder if there is any way I could teach BOB to clean? Hmmmm, now THAT would be a turn on.

kids say the darndest things

Last night the Pea and I watched the movie Curious George...I could fill you in on the ENTIRE movie, since I had to watch it seven times (which is six more times than anyone over the age of seven should be subjected to), but I won't...you're welcome. The ending, however, I will tell you, because it is the reason for the following exchange with the Pea...after "saving the day," and much chaos, George, quite by accident, heads off in a rocket.

her: "Mommy, me like the rocket, me need a rocket!"
me: "You want a rocket huh? Wow, I don't know about that."
her: "Yes mommy, me need a rocket."
me: "Well baby, I don't have one, wouldn't know where to get one, so I guess that means no, sorry."
her: "You DO mommy! You HAVE a rocket!"
me: "I do?! Really? I don't think so honey, I don't have a rocket."
her: "YES MOMMY!! You have a rocket IN YOUR BOX!"
me: (laughing out loud) "If ONLY mommy had a rocket in her box..."

Mommy would be in a much better mood...

much better. ;)

peeing in cars

The Pea thinks I peed in the car and that's why we had to get a new one...Friday, when my gfriend came to pick us up and take us to get the rental, the first words out of the Pea's mouth were, "mommy peed in the car" at the time I was like "WHAT? huh?"...yesterday afternoon I finally figured it out (I'm quick like that)...I told her I "had an accident" and well in her world that means I pissed myself and by adding the "in the car" well, that means I did it in the car...tee hee.

So yeah, I had an accident, and it was all my fault, and if that isn't a big fat wake up call I don't know what is...see I had been in a funk, feeling sorry for myself, driving distracted and wham! I guess it is time to make some changes...I guess it is time to grow up, and get over myself and stop being distracted. I am a big fan of "living in the moment" enjoying the present, not dwelling in the past or dreaming of the future, and yet while a fan, I have yet to become a TRUE convert. Oh, I have my days, where I am all happy and glorious and able to enjoy every moment, but it's not often, and there I was, driving down the road, lost in a thought, not paying attention, NOT living in the moment, and now I am gonna pay for it...I am damn lucky I didn't hurt myself, or anyone else.

I tried to take down the Christmas tree this morning and the Pea LOST HER MIND...she did not want it taken down and could not understand why it had to be (I hope to get it done tonight after she goes to bed). She kept asking "Why? Why mommy, why?"...all I could think to say was "I don't want to be one of those tacky, crazy ladies who keeps a tree up all year long." I didn't say it to be funny, but she laughed and said "You tacky mommy, you funny!" I don't want to be tacky! Funny, yes...tacky, crazy? NO!! What is this life of mine coming to? Alone, exhausted, distracted, and now tacky too? I can't have that! Yikes...

Hmm, well at least I made it through the day without pissing in the rental.

good day

My day got off to a good start. While driving into work this morning I decided to listen to the radio instead of a cd...I didn't ever get to the library over the weekend to check out a new audio book and I have been listening to the same music CD over and over. Well, almost immediately after turning it on, they did a contest for movie tickets...most of the time, unless it is something really good, I don't even bother, but I happened to have my phone in my hand so I dialed...it rang twice and then they were asking my name and telling me I had won. OK, so it isn't the lotto, but it's always fun to win stuff and now I can go see a movie. Bonus, with the movie free I can actually afford to buy a soda and some popcorn.

I almost didn't come to work this morning...been feeling a little blah, fighting off a cold, and when the alarm went off I DID NOT want to get out of bed...now I am kinda glad I didn't burn a sick day. Now, that I am here and have had two coffees, I feel fine...I may actually get some work done. Before I go though just gotta share: I got a laugh this morning from the "bonehead of the day." Apparently some dipshit in Massachusetts decided a blowtorch would be the perfect tool for ridding his back porch of ice...see for yourself: http://bonehead.oddballs.com/BlowTorch.html. Smash, I thought you would get a kick out of this, since you run across Massholes like him regularly...all I can say is: that guy is wicked retahded.

Ok, that's all I got...

adventures in dating

Well my first venture into the whole single, dating scene in hmmm, lets see...14 yrs...was a bust. I met B2 out a few months ago, Gigi introduced us, gave him my number...he asked me if I wanted to get together then and I balked, no not just balked, FREAKED OUT...fast forward to my birthday, out with Gigi again and I see him, we hang some, I start to think, well maybe I CAN do this whole single girl thing after all...a few texts, a few emails, finally we decide on lunch. The plan was he would call me in the a.m. let me know where we were headed and what time.

Ok, so it's 11:30, no call yet and I'm starting to get a little nervous...I call him, no answer, I leave a message to the effect of "hey, standin' in my closet wonderin' what I should wear, since I don't know where we are going, gimme a call." Two minutes later, a text...he is stuck out of town and wants a raincheck. A TEXT, dude, if you are gonna cancel have the f*cking decency to call...and the worse part is, I haven't heard from him since. One would think there would be a text, email or a call once he got back to town...nope.

WTF!!?? Seriously? So the gut says he hooked up the night before, she was still there when I called, and now he is no longer interested...NO PROBLEM, but have the balls to pick up the phone. In all honesty, I knew this guy wasn't soul mate material, but I figured it would be a good way to get my feet wet, put myself out there, and have fun...not so much. If this is how guys are these days, NO THANKS. I know I am a little rusty, and I don't know how to "play the game," but the last (and if memory serves, only "real") date I went on, we both knew about 10 minutes in would never amount to anything...difference is: he was NICE, called me the next day, and even now recounts the story of our ill fated date with a laugh whenever we see each other. Has that much changed in 15 years?

happy new year!

Wow...so it has been a wicked long time since I wrote last...so much has happened. The trip up north to see Smash and the boys and the rest of the family was GREAT...we had so much fun, the Pea got to see, and play in, the snow and I got my batteries recharged. There are a few places I go to recharge, regroup, and bolster myself and that is one of them...NYC and the beach are the others...something about the energy and the ability to be anonymous. No one knows me up there, I don't feel like I have to DO anything or be anywhere, and it is beautiful...anyway.

I was supposed to come home New Year's Eve...I had planned to get in about 11:30pm, my hope was that I would be so busy trying to get off the plane and get a cab and the Pea would be so cranky that the LAST thing on my mind would be the fact that I was ringing in the new year alone and with no one to kiss. Well...best laid plans...mother nature decided I was NOT getting home and dumped over a foot of snow on the airport that day. At first I was bummed, my plans were screwed up, I wouldn't have a day to rest before going back to work, and my sister would have to change her plans and babysit me...as the night wore on though, I realized that the snowstorm was an unexpected blessing...everything worked out even better than planned.

There is a saying that whatever you are doing as you ring in the new year is how you will you spend the rest of your year. Well for the most part that has been true for me...years I spent ringing in the new year at home, mellow, the year pretty much was as well...years there was chaos and drama as the ball dropped, well chaos and drama the whole year through...last year I was writing in my journal, alone in the guest room of my house, my life and marriage a mess. Well, as the year wore on, it became clear that I would spend the year alone, writing to help me cope, and yes, my life and marriage a mess. This year, much to my surprise, I ushered in the new year laughing, happy and with the people I love the most.

I can only hope the rest of my year is spent much the same...filled with unexpected blessings, laughter, love and happiness.

Happy New Year!