I'm on vacation this week...I'm hangin' in New England with my family and trying to avoid the computer; I wanted to check in, though, and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, and give a few updates. Ok...Happy Thanksgiving! I am off Match again and suspect I will drop the account when I get to the end of my 6 months. It was a fun ride, I learned a lot about dating (since I had never really done it), and I am glad that it is an option for meeting new people; I am just tired of it...regardless of how much fun a ride, sooner or later, you gotta get off. I am gonna join the gym that Dancergirl goes to as soon as I get home. It boiled down to most bang for the buck and that particular one has the most classes...I like classes, especially yoga. I still don't have a job, but I applied for one last week that I REALLY want, cross your fingers for me.
Alright...I am off to enjoy the family, the food, and the football...it is going to be a damn near perfect day for me. In case YOU are huddled in a corner with your laptop and a bottle of vodka in order to avoid dealing with your crazy family though (just sayin'...not like I have ever been there or anything) and want some light reading, here are a few of my favorite older posts:
http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-turkey-day.html
http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/06/boo-boos-vs-boobies.html
http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/08/hazards-of-being-single.html
Thank you all for reading, for being a part of my lovely life, and for your support and encouragement when I needed it the most...thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
oh dear
Oh dear God I hurt...every muscle in my body is sore...I think I strained my spleen. A workout queen I am, NO LONGER. I think it speaks volumes about the class and the teacher that I am equally sore all over, she worked us good, however, as a result I am unable to perform any duty that requires movement. I am having trouble typing.
I am one of those people that actually loves working out...I really do like it...I like to sweat, I like the burn, I love the endorphin release...I do not like being out of shape. Right now, I am out of shape. I started running a few months ago, even though I HATE it and am no good at it, because I was struggling to find time to do anything else and it is the fastest way to get your heart rate up. Now that I do have time for workouts, other than running, I am on a mission to get back in shape and yesterday I tried to cram 6 months worth of aerobics and weights into 2 hours. I KNOW better, and I still couldn't stop myself.
So now that I am back in to the game it is time to join a gym. The gym I used to go to is out of business and I have 4 others to choose from that are nearby. The one I want to join is crazy expensive so that one is out, that leaves 3 others. Dancergirl is a member at one, the one I went to yesterday and had my ass kicked at...Betty is a member at another, and it is like the Dancergirls', only nicer (and a bit pricier) and the last is the "singles" gym. The singles gym is not ACTUALLY a gym for singles, it's not like you check your wedding band at the door, it just has the reputation of being the place where all the young, single, hotties workout.
Every gym seems to have a personality, and a certain clientele. Betty's is the one where all the "housewives" go during the day and do hours and hours of Pilates...they all have long lean bodies and perfectly coiffed hair. At Dancergirls' there is an interesting mix of gym rats, retirees, and real mommies...the gym rats are quietly working themselves to rock hard bodies, the retirees are swimming or wandering aimlessly, the mommies are trying to workout as fast as they can so they have a few minutes of peace and quiet to talk to another adult or take a shower before they have to pick up their little ones from the child care. The singles gym is a ghost town during the day, except for the occasional bartender or college student, because their clientele is all working...come 5:30, the place is mobbed with the young, hip, in shape, and perfectly attired. I don't really fit at any of them, but I have to make a decision and join one so I can get back in shape.
Checking out all these gyms and taking more classes will require me getting up out of this chair however, and I am not sure that is an option. I am sending signals from my brain to my legs, but my legs are not listening..and I can't lift my arms...and oh ouch...laughing hurts too. Oh dear...
I am one of those people that actually loves working out...I really do like it...I like to sweat, I like the burn, I love the endorphin release...I do not like being out of shape. Right now, I am out of shape. I started running a few months ago, even though I HATE it and am no good at it, because I was struggling to find time to do anything else and it is the fastest way to get your heart rate up. Now that I do have time for workouts, other than running, I am on a mission to get back in shape and yesterday I tried to cram 6 months worth of aerobics and weights into 2 hours. I KNOW better, and I still couldn't stop myself.
So now that I am back in to the game it is time to join a gym. The gym I used to go to is out of business and I have 4 others to choose from that are nearby. The one I want to join is crazy expensive so that one is out, that leaves 3 others. Dancergirl is a member at one, the one I went to yesterday and had my ass kicked at...Betty is a member at another, and it is like the Dancergirls', only nicer (and a bit pricier) and the last is the "singles" gym. The singles gym is not ACTUALLY a gym for singles, it's not like you check your wedding band at the door, it just has the reputation of being the place where all the young, single, hotties workout.
Every gym seems to have a personality, and a certain clientele. Betty's is the one where all the "housewives" go during the day and do hours and hours of Pilates...they all have long lean bodies and perfectly coiffed hair. At Dancergirls' there is an interesting mix of gym rats, retirees, and real mommies...the gym rats are quietly working themselves to rock hard bodies, the retirees are swimming or wandering aimlessly, the mommies are trying to workout as fast as they can so they have a few minutes of peace and quiet to talk to another adult or take a shower before they have to pick up their little ones from the child care. The singles gym is a ghost town during the day, except for the occasional bartender or college student, because their clientele is all working...come 5:30, the place is mobbed with the young, hip, in shape, and perfectly attired. I don't really fit at any of them, but I have to make a decision and join one so I can get back in shape.
Checking out all these gyms and taking more classes will require me getting up out of this chair however, and I am not sure that is an option. I am sending signals from my brain to my legs, but my legs are not listening..and I can't lift my arms...and oh ouch...laughing hurts too. Oh dear...
Monday, November 16, 2009
wrong shui, again
Wow...it has been almost a week...yikes. Things have been going well...a few funk days, but overall still enjoying the whole unemployment deal and trying to stay focused and productive. Today I went to the gym with Dancergirl and we took an hour and a half aerobics class that left us both totally exhausted. It was great being back in there and it got me motivated to get a bunch of stuff done this afternoon. Was off the radar last week because I went out of town to see JD, Elliott, Booya, Dr Cox, and NY. JD bought a house a while back and had his housewarming on Thursday night...it made me remember this old post and I thought I would re-run it since there is much to do, a game starting soon, and I don't have a story...enjoy: http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/09/wrong-shui.html
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
crazy carnival ride
*Cue the crazy carnival music*
I am back on the Match ride...oh lord.
My profile has been invisible for quite some time now; I got overwhelmed with the whole deal, and really liked both Philly and Coach and didn't want to date anyone else, so I just bagged it, and disappeared. After Philly and I called it quits I thought about going back on, but right about that time Coach became a little more available, I started hanging with NY some and thought maybe, AND I lost my job so didn't feel like I had all that much to offer a perspective mate. I still had the membership, cuz it was one of those 6 month deals, but I wasn't doing much with it...until today. Today, I became visible again, even though I DIDN'T realize it, and now I am considering jumping back in. Of course, I could go back NOW (that I do know) and make it invisible again, but that would require some work (sign in, click, key stroke, sign out) and I dunno...it WILL give me something to write about...hmmmmmm.
See...the way Match works, even if you have an invisible profile, people who have contacted you in the past can still contact you (thus the whole NewPhilly deal, which BTW, no...no, no, no, no...met him, nice guy...uhm, NO) and they continue to send you matches every day, on the off chance that one catches your eye, I guess. I suppose I could cancel my membership all together, and make them stop sending the emails, but since things with Coach seem to be a remote possibility at best, and neither NY or I are ready to make the jump past buds, I have kept it. I continue to look at the emails every day, and always at the back of my mind thought: IF someone catches my eye I will sign back in, send them an email, and make my profile visible BUT, that has yet to happen. Part of the problem is when I originally signed up I had a very broad search criteria (male, pulse, living in NC) so, the matches they have been sending lately have been eh at best, and living mostly 200 miles away.
[Long story longer]
Today, when I got the email and ALL lived in a city not anywhere near here, I finally decided f*ck it, I'm gonna go in and change my criteria, get REALLY picky (male, pulse, living within 30 miles of here, under 45, non-smoker). In order to do this you have to sign in, go to the profile section, and edit. The profile section is all about you and what you are looking for...I went through, changed a few things, and saved it. A screen popped up with a disclaimer something to the effect of "are ya sure this time jackass? and oh by the way if you wanna make your profile invisible go to the blah blah blah blah whatever..." I just clicked ok, signed off, and didn't give it another thought other than "finally, I might get some dudes that actually interest me."
When I came back to the computer tonight I had 7 emails from Match...three of them messages from guys I have never seen before. WTF? Uh, oh...
APPARENTLY, when you make any change AT ALL to your profile, they send it in for approval and then make it visible, REGARDLESS of the status beforehand...had I read the disclaimer all the way through I would have known that....ahahahahahahahahaaaa.
Here we go again....wheeeeeeeee.
The problem for me is this: regardless of what you say you WANT, any guy who wants to can contact you, and the ones that you want to, may not. I am trying to keep an open mind and give some of the guys a chance because Booya, Dr Cox, and all my girls think I need to expand my horizons, BUT...just so y'all get an idea of the caliber of guys contacting me, why I got overwhelmed in the first place, and WHY I latched on to the only two that I clicked with AT ALL...here are two of the emails I got JUST TODAY...cut and pasted, I am not making this shit up:
your to funny say what you mean and mean what you say...so how are you doin?
A hi, hello, something would have been good, and I think what he meant was "you're too funny..." and then some sort of sign off would have been good as well, but that's just me...next.
funny lady!!you are so sweet and super sexy.i love your smile it is the sunshine in chapel hill.i like you moreso because you are so wonderful and a princess and id love to know you.
Ok, let's forget for just one second the creeptacularness that this message exudes and lemme point out two big giant things 1)my smile is the sunshine in a city? huh? I am confused, I tend to want to actually understand the men I am dating and 2) on NO planet am I a princess (and not all that sweet, but ok) not even close...I even say in my profile "I am one of the guys, and it is starting to piss me off...I am not ready to give up football or beer, but I want to be the girlfriend, rather than the buddy." Seriously...does that sound like something a princess would say?
Not sure if that is carnival ride music or the soundtrack from Psycho I am hearing, but mind is open...I am ready...to...gooooooo...maybe...oh...dear...God...I will let you know tomorrow if I have hung in there or if I am invisible again...anyone got any Dramamine?
I am back on the Match ride...oh lord.
My profile has been invisible for quite some time now; I got overwhelmed with the whole deal, and really liked both Philly and Coach and didn't want to date anyone else, so I just bagged it, and disappeared. After Philly and I called it quits I thought about going back on, but right about that time Coach became a little more available, I started hanging with NY some and thought maybe, AND I lost my job so didn't feel like I had all that much to offer a perspective mate. I still had the membership, cuz it was one of those 6 month deals, but I wasn't doing much with it...until today. Today, I became visible again, even though I DIDN'T realize it, and now I am considering jumping back in. Of course, I could go back NOW (that I do know) and make it invisible again, but that would require some work (sign in, click, key stroke, sign out) and I dunno...it WILL give me something to write about...hmmmmmm.
See...the way Match works, even if you have an invisible profile, people who have contacted you in the past can still contact you (thus the whole NewPhilly deal, which BTW, no...no, no, no, no...met him, nice guy...uhm, NO) and they continue to send you matches every day, on the off chance that one catches your eye, I guess. I suppose I could cancel my membership all together, and make them stop sending the emails, but since things with Coach seem to be a remote possibility at best, and neither NY or I are ready to make the jump past buds, I have kept it. I continue to look at the emails every day, and always at the back of my mind thought: IF someone catches my eye I will sign back in, send them an email, and make my profile visible BUT, that has yet to happen. Part of the problem is when I originally signed up I had a very broad search criteria (male, pulse, living in NC) so, the matches they have been sending lately have been eh at best, and living mostly 200 miles away.
[Long story longer]
Today, when I got the email and ALL lived in a city not anywhere near here, I finally decided f*ck it, I'm gonna go in and change my criteria, get REALLY picky (male, pulse, living within 30 miles of here, under 45, non-smoker). In order to do this you have to sign in, go to the profile section, and edit. The profile section is all about you and what you are looking for...I went through, changed a few things, and saved it. A screen popped up with a disclaimer something to the effect of "are ya sure this time jackass? and oh by the way if you wanna make your profile invisible go to the blah blah blah blah whatever..." I just clicked ok, signed off, and didn't give it another thought other than "finally, I might get some dudes that actually interest me."
When I came back to the computer tonight I had 7 emails from Match...three of them messages from guys I have never seen before. WTF? Uh, oh...
APPARENTLY, when you make any change AT ALL to your profile, they send it in for approval and then make it visible, REGARDLESS of the status beforehand...had I read the disclaimer all the way through I would have known that....ahahahahahahahahaaaa.
Here we go again....wheeeeeeeee.
The problem for me is this: regardless of what you say you WANT, any guy who wants to can contact you, and the ones that you want to, may not. I am trying to keep an open mind and give some of the guys a chance because Booya, Dr Cox, and all my girls think I need to expand my horizons, BUT...just so y'all get an idea of the caliber of guys contacting me, why I got overwhelmed in the first place, and WHY I latched on to the only two that I clicked with AT ALL...here are two of the emails I got JUST TODAY...cut and pasted, I am not making this shit up:
your to funny say what you mean and mean what you say...so how are you doin?
A hi, hello, something would have been good, and I think what he meant was "you're too funny..." and then some sort of sign off would have been good as well, but that's just me...next.
funny lady!!you are so sweet and super sexy.i love your smile it is the sunshine in chapel hill.i like you moreso because you are so wonderful and a princess and id love to know you.
Ok, let's forget for just one second the creeptacularness that this message exudes and lemme point out two big giant things 1)my smile is the sunshine in a city? huh? I am confused, I tend to want to actually understand the men I am dating and 2) on NO planet am I a princess (and not all that sweet, but ok) not even close...I even say in my profile "I am one of the guys, and it is starting to piss me off...I am not ready to give up football or beer, but I want to be the girlfriend, rather than the buddy." Seriously...does that sound like something a princess would say?
Not sure if that is carnival ride music or the soundtrack from Psycho I am hearing, but mind is open...I am ready...to...gooooooo...maybe...oh...dear...God...I will let you know tomorrow if I have hung in there or if I am invisible again...anyone got any Dramamine?
babbling
Well...I don't know what to write...I am in a writing funk...I want to talk about Veterans Day, the war...maybe touch on how lucky we are to be living in this country and have people willing to defend it every day, I just can't seem to form a cohesive thought. I have written a few half sentences and then deleted them and now I am just babbling.
An AP article out today said America is in a funk...ya think? We are pissed about the economy, the war, the overall outlook, and our president. Apparently everyone thought he was gonna waive his magic wand and all would be right in the world, and now a year later, not so much. Really? Cuz I know I didn't think he could do a damn bit of good, and while I am sure there were a few out there who thought he was the second coming, I for one knew not even Jesus could save our economy, end the war, and make all right with the world...anyone with half a brain had to know that. Not sure if the AP was just grasping for straws and it being a light news day decided to comment on the obvious or what, but pretty sure I didn't need to read it in the newspaper to figure that one out...thanks though.
On a good note, I am pretty much out of my funk, still can't write, but I'm smiling about it...I like to be one step ahead of trends so it is working out well. Yesterday the Pea and I had an awesome day and I actually enjoyed being unemployed. It helped I paid all my bills for the month, budgeted for the next two months, and then vowed to not worry about money...it is easier said than done, but I have found that if I only worry about how to get through today, and not the next or the one after that, it is a whole lot easier. Today is rainy and gross and the Pea are staying in as much as possible. We have to venture out later to go to the doctor, but I tend to want to hibernate on days like today, so I suspect there will be tv, and naps, in our near future.
Well...that is all I got...wish my brain was working better and I could actually write something well thought out and meaningful, but it's not, so I can't. Thank you veterans...thank you for serving our country and keeping us safe and protecting our freedom, and our right to be in a funk. Ok, NOW all I can think about it that stupid song Funkytown...so of course I went to YouTube and found the most ridiculous clip to share with you. Enjoy...or just feel embarassed for the girl in the video...either way...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co0eAPEVDpM&feature=related
An AP article out today said America is in a funk...ya think? We are pissed about the economy, the war, the overall outlook, and our president. Apparently everyone thought he was gonna waive his magic wand and all would be right in the world, and now a year later, not so much. Really? Cuz I know I didn't think he could do a damn bit of good, and while I am sure there were a few out there who thought he was the second coming, I for one knew not even Jesus could save our economy, end the war, and make all right with the world...anyone with half a brain had to know that. Not sure if the AP was just grasping for straws and it being a light news day decided to comment on the obvious or what, but pretty sure I didn't need to read it in the newspaper to figure that one out...thanks though.
On a good note, I am pretty much out of my funk, still can't write, but I'm smiling about it...I like to be one step ahead of trends so it is working out well. Yesterday the Pea and I had an awesome day and I actually enjoyed being unemployed. It helped I paid all my bills for the month, budgeted for the next two months, and then vowed to not worry about money...it is easier said than done, but I have found that if I only worry about how to get through today, and not the next or the one after that, it is a whole lot easier. Today is rainy and gross and the Pea are staying in as much as possible. We have to venture out later to go to the doctor, but I tend to want to hibernate on days like today, so I suspect there will be tv, and naps, in our near future.
Well...that is all I got...wish my brain was working better and I could actually write something well thought out and meaningful, but it's not, so I can't. Thank you veterans...thank you for serving our country and keeping us safe and protecting our freedom, and our right to be in a funk. Ok, NOW all I can think about it that stupid song Funkytown...so of course I went to YouTube and found the most ridiculous clip to share with you. Enjoy...or just feel embarassed for the girl in the video...either way...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co0eAPEVDpM&feature=related
Monday, November 9, 2009
plan b
Dr Cox, I have a plan B!
The other day I called Dr Cox from the beach to ask him how his day was going, since mine was at a stand still. I was enjoying it, just hanging out, watching the waves, but I wasn't actually accomplishing anything and wanted to check in with someone who might have been. Turns out he wasn't doing much either.
Him: "So, have you found a job yet?"
Me: "Uhm, nope...I am gonna win the lotto...it is at 80 million and I am pretty sure I can live on that."
Him: "That is your plan A?"
Me: "Pretty much."
Him: "Ya know, it is really like 40 million, and after taxes like twelve...dollars, not millions."
Me: "I don't have a plan B."
Him: "Let me know how that works out for you."
Well, I forgot to buy a ticket...the day got away from me, next thing I knew it was Sunday. Damn.
Today I ended up hanging out with a friend, drinking coffee on the deck of another friend's (well acquaintance...) house and the whole sugar daddy conversation came up. Turns out we know some rich single guys who are looking...moooohahahhhahahahaha...Plan B!
The day before I left work I was talking to the girls in the office and words sugar and daddy got tossed about and while we laughed and had fun with it, I left thinking "No way in hell...I will make my own sugar thank you very much." It's funny, because if I were loaded, I wouldn't think twice about taking care of someone I loved. I would want them hanging out with me, not working, so it would be win win to take care of them, but when I think about it going the other way I just get skeeved. I am thinking about the show "The Real Housewives of..." and the girls who weren't married to, but were being taken care of by those rich guys...oh sure on the outside it seemed cool, but I wondered how much freedom those women actually had. Could they really just go off and do whatever and spend whatever or were they constantly having to justify it and be at the man's beck and call? How much quality time did they get with their guys to hang out and enjoy that money together? It seems like it would be a very lonely life...sitting around waiting for him to make time while he justified not with "go buy yourself something pretty."
Oh well...in any case, I now have a plan A AND a plan B, so I should be fine...I will let you know how they work out.
The other day I called Dr Cox from the beach to ask him how his day was going, since mine was at a stand still. I was enjoying it, just hanging out, watching the waves, but I wasn't actually accomplishing anything and wanted to check in with someone who might have been. Turns out he wasn't doing much either.
Him: "So, have you found a job yet?"
Me: "Uhm, nope...I am gonna win the lotto...it is at 80 million and I am pretty sure I can live on that."
Him: "That is your plan A?"
Me: "Pretty much."
Him: "Ya know, it is really like 40 million, and after taxes like twelve...dollars, not millions."
Me: "I don't have a plan B."
Him: "Let me know how that works out for you."
Well, I forgot to buy a ticket...the day got away from me, next thing I knew it was Sunday. Damn.
Today I ended up hanging out with a friend, drinking coffee on the deck of another friend's (well acquaintance...) house and the whole sugar daddy conversation came up. Turns out we know some rich single guys who are looking...moooohahahhhahahahaha...Plan B!
The day before I left work I was talking to the girls in the office and words sugar and daddy got tossed about and while we laughed and had fun with it, I left thinking "No way in hell...I will make my own sugar thank you very much." It's funny, because if I were loaded, I wouldn't think twice about taking care of someone I loved. I would want them hanging out with me, not working, so it would be win win to take care of them, but when I think about it going the other way I just get skeeved. I am thinking about the show "The Real Housewives of..." and the girls who weren't married to, but were being taken care of by those rich guys...oh sure on the outside it seemed cool, but I wondered how much freedom those women actually had. Could they really just go off and do whatever and spend whatever or were they constantly having to justify it and be at the man's beck and call? How much quality time did they get with their guys to hang out and enjoy that money together? It seems like it would be a very lonely life...sitting around waiting for him to make time while he justified not with "go buy yourself something pretty."
Oh well...in any case, I now have a plan A AND a plan B, so I should be fine...I will let you know how they work out.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
in touch
Today was one of those "in touch" days...seemed like I spent the whole day on the phone. It was nice...talked to Smash and Booya early in the day...NY and Dude checked in with me this evening...just got off the phone with Mclovin. I love hearing from people I haven't in awhile. I should have called my dad, it was his birthday, and now it is too late, but every time I tried either the phone rang, or something came up. I had Dancergirl's baby boy today and he and Pea were a handful. We went to the park this afternoon for a picnic lunch and to get some energy out and they ran like mad around the playground for over and hour. I was exhausted just watching them.
The Pea and I are back on good terms...we never made it to DD this morning, but she did have one of her birthday cupcakes (which had sprinkles, so same effect) so she was happy, and tonight she went to bed without a fight. I can hear her snoring as I type...awwww.
The week ahead looks busy, which is good because I do better when I am, and then after that getting ready for our trip up north...we are both already excited and crossing our fingers for good weather. It will be good to reconnect with the family up there and recharge my batteries. I always love going up, but I also always come home with a renewed appreciation for NC. It will be good to get away from all things real and ugly here and maybe when I get back I will be able to get busy on those things on that to-do list that is still taunting from the kitchen counter.
Also taunting from the kitchen counter is the phone...which has been chirping with texts so I better go...big smile...thanks for checkin' in all.
The Pea and I are back on good terms...we never made it to DD this morning, but she did have one of her birthday cupcakes (which had sprinkles, so same effect) so she was happy, and tonight she went to bed without a fight. I can hear her snoring as I type...awwww.
The week ahead looks busy, which is good because I do better when I am, and then after that getting ready for our trip up north...we are both already excited and crossing our fingers for good weather. It will be good to reconnect with the family up there and recharge my batteries. I always love going up, but I also always come home with a renewed appreciation for NC. It will be good to get away from all things real and ugly here and maybe when I get back I will be able to get busy on those things on that to-do list that is still taunting from the kitchen counter.
Also taunting from the kitchen counter is the phone...which has been chirping with texts so I better go...big smile...thanks for checkin' in all.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
sprinkle doughnut
Tonight I f*cked up...I got angry at the Pea and yelled at her, and she didn't deserve it. I hate when I do that...I hate that I get mad at her when what I am really mad at is myself and my life. She didn't want to go to bed, and I wanted her to; after I read her her books and tucked her in she got up and went running down the hall, and instead of laughing it off or just going and getting her, I yelled. She went to bed upset and now I am upset. What I want to do now is wake her up and apologize, but that would just be selfish, so here I sit, writing about it.
Being a parent is hard...being a good parent is really damn hard...being a really good parent all by yourself: nearly impossible. The saying "it takes a village..." yeah, it does. I have found that single moms tend to do one of three things to manage the raising of their kid(s) if they can't afford to hire help: they 1) get a man, any man, and latch on for dear life (not usually a good idea and tends to leave one alone again, down the line, and looking for another one) 2) enlist the help of the grandparents (usually the best idea, and often the most feasible...in my case, not so much) or 3) gather up other single mommy friends and form a "village" of one's own. Dancergirl and I have taken this route and formed ourselves a little family. We haven't taken to living together or anything, but we are like sisters, and our kids like siblings, and I don't know how I would be making it right now without her.
Not only do we take each other's kids on a regular basis so the other can work, run errands, date, or just be alone, but we hang out together a lot and talk, while the kids play. We talk about the usual stuff girlfriends talk about, but we also talk about how scary it is to be doing this alone...how nice it would be to have someone else do the dishes, just once...or how great it will be when the kids are old enough to help with the laundry. We talk about not wanting to settle or take the "get a man, any man" route, but how easy it would be to do some days...and we talk about how we just want to be good mommies. We want to play and have fun with the kids, we want to provide them with a nice safe life, we want to help them grow up to be good people...just like married mommies do.
I guess, just like any parent, married or not, what I need to do is strive to do better next time. I can't go back and not yell, even though I wish I could, but I CAN apologize to her in the morning, and give her a big hug and kiss...and then take her to DD for a sprinkle doughnut...wouldn't it be great if all of our f*ck ups could be fixed with a sprinkle doughnut?
Being a parent is hard...being a good parent is really damn hard...being a really good parent all by yourself: nearly impossible. The saying "it takes a village..." yeah, it does. I have found that single moms tend to do one of three things to manage the raising of their kid(s) if they can't afford to hire help: they 1) get a man, any man, and latch on for dear life (not usually a good idea and tends to leave one alone again, down the line, and looking for another one) 2) enlist the help of the grandparents (usually the best idea, and often the most feasible...in my case, not so much) or 3) gather up other single mommy friends and form a "village" of one's own. Dancergirl and I have taken this route and formed ourselves a little family. We haven't taken to living together or anything, but we are like sisters, and our kids like siblings, and I don't know how I would be making it right now without her.
Not only do we take each other's kids on a regular basis so the other can work, run errands, date, or just be alone, but we hang out together a lot and talk, while the kids play. We talk about the usual stuff girlfriends talk about, but we also talk about how scary it is to be doing this alone...how nice it would be to have someone else do the dishes, just once...or how great it will be when the kids are old enough to help with the laundry. We talk about not wanting to settle or take the "get a man, any man" route, but how easy it would be to do some days...and we talk about how we just want to be good mommies. We want to play and have fun with the kids, we want to provide them with a nice safe life, we want to help them grow up to be good people...just like married mommies do.
I guess, just like any parent, married or not, what I need to do is strive to do better next time. I can't go back and not yell, even though I wish I could, but I CAN apologize to her in the morning, and give her a big hug and kiss...and then take her to DD for a sprinkle doughnut...wouldn't it be great if all of our f*ck ups could be fixed with a sprinkle doughnut?
Friday, November 6, 2009
tgif
I think I am out of the funk. Went out to dinner with Booya, JD, Elliott, Jojo, DrCox, and NY the other night and they lifted my spirits and helped me renew my faith...thanks guys! I hadn't seen JD or Booya in months and reconnecting is always a happy time, plus I was able to vent about the whole job deal to people who are still there and understand...or rather who don't understand either. The great thing about friends who love you unconditionally is they help you see the good in yourself when you can't. They also don't let you get too far into pity without a swift kick and an "ok, that's enough of that crap...suck it up."
I spent all day yesterday hanging with the Pea, playing, and resting...and didn't beat myself up one bit for not having a job or where I am in life right now. Today I will get to work applying for new jobs, workout, and enjoy the day, and hopefully by tonight have a little something more to write about.
I spent all day yesterday hanging with the Pea, playing, and resting...and didn't beat myself up one bit for not having a job or where I am in life right now. Today I will get to work applying for new jobs, workout, and enjoy the day, and hopefully by tonight have a little something more to write about.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
to clarify
Well, I just got off the phone with DH and I need to clarify a few things...a reader made a phone call to him, everybody is all in a tizzy...oh the drama. Ok 1) apparently he did not say damaged...I remember damaged, he does not...affected...he said affected. 2) I never had a lesbian affair...I am still unsure of where this came from but at some point in the past I said something that was taken as such and he wants it out there in the universe that I did not, so the Pea does not hear of such things (which to be honest would not be all that bad I don't think, but there ya go...) and 3) he was at the birth of our child...he slept through only the first part of my labor, while I was still at home...he drove me to the hospital, stayed there throughout, rubbed my back and cut the cord...I don't remember what exactly I said he did or didn't in my birth story, about to go back and re-read now just to humor myself, but if I led anyone to believe otherwise, sorry.
Here is the birth story: http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2009/05/birth.html
Still not sure where the lesbian thing came from...huh.
Here is the birth story: http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2009/05/birth.html
Still not sure where the lesbian thing came from...huh.
the day
The Pea is still sound asleep...she had a big day yesterday. We had a great lunch at the beach, fun at the park, went shopping for her present, a party at her school, and then home, where she played with Dancergirl's little guy while Betty and I talked and drank wine.
Betty and I talked about the usual...work, men, kids, upcoming events, etc. I talked about Coach, since I finally got to see him in action, and then got to spend time with him on Monday night, she talked mostly about work since she has been so busy with hers, and we both talked about having little girls.
I think we get the kids we are meant to parent...I think our kids teach and mold us as much (if not more) than we do them. I always thought boys would be better, easier to parent, and more my speed and yet I cannot imagine having anything BUT a little girl at this point. She is my pal, my bud, my mini me, who I get to parent the way I wish I had been. She is the age now that I was when mom left B. With every new age and stage I think back to my childhood and try to make sure that I do a better job than they did...I am far from perfect, but I would like to think I learned enough to not make the SAME mistakes. I am a fairly strict parent, and firm, and it kills me sometimes to NOT give into her because I want her to be happy; it is days like yesterday that I realize the stuff that really makes her happy, and saying no to candy or more TV is ok. The things she got MOST excited about yesterday: ranch dressing, new pjs, the park, seeing me hang upside down on the monkey bars (which gotta say kinda made my day too, it has been YEARS since I did that), presents in the mail, reading new books, sleeping in my bed.
The other night, in a conversation with DH, he indicated that the Pea was forever "damaged" by our divorce, and used me and my life as an example of what divorced parents do to a kid and boy did I get mad...I am still mad, and he doesn't understand why. I think as humans we are all to some extent "damaged" although I HATE that word...there is not one person on this planet over the age of two that hasn't been hurt, betrayed, let down, or abandoned in some way, and every time that happens it changes us. Every heartbreak forces us to grow...some it makes bitter and cold, others it makes more grateful for future triumph. DH indicated that for the Pea it is over...no matter what we do or how we parent now, she is screwed, and if we had stayed together that wouldn't be the case...HELL. NO. I started to point to examples of screwed up people all over the place whose parents stayed together (I used him as one) but then stopped cuz I thought "what is the point?" It has become painfully obvious that some people, he included, just don't get it. It isn't about yesterday or a year ago or what happens TO us that matters, but rather today, right now and what we DO...what we choose now. The stuff that happens to us, especially the bad, sucks...especially if we lose someone we love, but giving up, labeling oneself damaged, and sitting out the rest of life waiting to die?
When Jojo came into work after losing her son she said to me "Yeah I am hurting...I am hurt and mad and sad, but I have to honor the day...I have to accept that God saw fit for ME to still be here so I have to honor Him and be thankful for the day, put one foot in front of the other, and move through it." I will NEVER forget that. Yesterday the Pea and I honored the day...it wasn't the perfect four year old birthday I had imagined for her back when she was first born and I was determined to give her the life I didn't have...the one with pony rides, and a pretty dress, and two parents madly in love doting on her, but it was good enough, and she was happy.
Plus, I got to swing on the swings and hang upside down on the monkey bars, which I now highly recommend to all of you out there who haven't done it in awhile. You might wanna borrow a kid if you don't have one of your own, cuz showing up on a playground by yourself could get you pegged as "damaged"...as one who is though, I must say: it isn't all that bad.
Betty and I talked about the usual...work, men, kids, upcoming events, etc. I talked about Coach, since I finally got to see him in action, and then got to spend time with him on Monday night, she talked mostly about work since she has been so busy with hers, and we both talked about having little girls.
I think we get the kids we are meant to parent...I think our kids teach and mold us as much (if not more) than we do them. I always thought boys would be better, easier to parent, and more my speed and yet I cannot imagine having anything BUT a little girl at this point. She is my pal, my bud, my mini me, who I get to parent the way I wish I had been. She is the age now that I was when mom left B. With every new age and stage I think back to my childhood and try to make sure that I do a better job than they did...I am far from perfect, but I would like to think I learned enough to not make the SAME mistakes. I am a fairly strict parent, and firm, and it kills me sometimes to NOT give into her because I want her to be happy; it is days like yesterday that I realize the stuff that really makes her happy, and saying no to candy or more TV is ok. The things she got MOST excited about yesterday: ranch dressing, new pjs, the park, seeing me hang upside down on the monkey bars (which gotta say kinda made my day too, it has been YEARS since I did that), presents in the mail, reading new books, sleeping in my bed.
The other night, in a conversation with DH, he indicated that the Pea was forever "damaged" by our divorce, and used me and my life as an example of what divorced parents do to a kid and boy did I get mad...I am still mad, and he doesn't understand why. I think as humans we are all to some extent "damaged" although I HATE that word...there is not one person on this planet over the age of two that hasn't been hurt, betrayed, let down, or abandoned in some way, and every time that happens it changes us. Every heartbreak forces us to grow...some it makes bitter and cold, others it makes more grateful for future triumph. DH indicated that for the Pea it is over...no matter what we do or how we parent now, she is screwed, and if we had stayed together that wouldn't be the case...HELL. NO. I started to point to examples of screwed up people all over the place whose parents stayed together (I used him as one) but then stopped cuz I thought "what is the point?" It has become painfully obvious that some people, he included, just don't get it. It isn't about yesterday or a year ago or what happens TO us that matters, but rather today, right now and what we DO...what we choose now. The stuff that happens to us, especially the bad, sucks...especially if we lose someone we love, but giving up, labeling oneself damaged, and sitting out the rest of life waiting to die?
When Jojo came into work after losing her son she said to me "Yeah I am hurting...I am hurt and mad and sad, but I have to honor the day...I have to accept that God saw fit for ME to still be here so I have to honor Him and be thankful for the day, put one foot in front of the other, and move through it." I will NEVER forget that. Yesterday the Pea and I honored the day...it wasn't the perfect four year old birthday I had imagined for her back when she was first born and I was determined to give her the life I didn't have...the one with pony rides, and a pretty dress, and two parents madly in love doting on her, but it was good enough, and she was happy.
Plus, I got to swing on the swings and hang upside down on the monkey bars, which I now highly recommend to all of you out there who haven't done it in awhile. You might wanna borrow a kid if you don't have one of your own, cuz showing up on a playground by yourself could get you pegged as "damaged"...as one who is though, I must say: it isn't all that bad.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
happy bday Pea
Happy Birthday Pea!!!!
It is my baby girl's birthday today...four years ago today was the happiest day of my life. Well, ok the first 20 hours not so happy, but by 10:15pm, very much so. Every day since then, she has provided the driving force in every decision of every day.
I am not doing so well unemployed, I have been floundering a bit, and in a funk, and this morning I resolved to change that. I got a gift, when I lost my job, of more time with the Pea...I would be at work today, get to only see her for a few hours tonight, and instead we have the whole day. We will go to lunch, have a party at her school, and then whatever else she wants to do, and I should be enjoying every minute of it, not worrying what the future will bring. I am scared to death of the possibility of not finding another job and the repercussions of that, but today, TODAY is the Pea's birthday and so instead of writing I will leave you with an old post that I re-read to inspire me, and go celebrate my little miracle.
It is my baby girl's birthday today...four years ago today was the happiest day of my life. Well, ok the first 20 hours not so happy, but by 10:15pm, very much so. Every day since then, she has provided the driving force in every decision of every day.
I am not doing so well unemployed, I have been floundering a bit, and in a funk, and this morning I resolved to change that. I got a gift, when I lost my job, of more time with the Pea...I would be at work today, get to only see her for a few hours tonight, and instead we have the whole day. We will go to lunch, have a party at her school, and then whatever else she wants to do, and I should be enjoying every minute of it, not worrying what the future will bring. I am scared to death of the possibility of not finding another job and the repercussions of that, but today, TODAY is the Pea's birthday and so instead of writing I will leave you with an old post that I re-read to inspire me, and go celebrate my little miracle.
Monday, November 2, 2009
pissedoffedness
I started Halloween by getting yelled at in the parking lot of a Dunkin Donuts by a woman with no teeth. Well, ok, she had SOME teeth, just not the ones in the front. Not sure exactly why she was yelling at me either, something to the effect of "I'll be out of your way in a minute, damn!" and as far as I was concerned she wasn't even in my way. I was minding my own business, trying to get the Pea out of her car seat and she was getting out of her car next to me...anyway, I went home and flossed...then brushed...then flossed again. I couldn't eat any candy after that either cuz all I could think of was that scary woman yelling at me and me just wanting her to shut her mouth. Of course, I would prolly be in general pissed off all the time if I had no teeth.
Speakin' of pissed off, the Pea ended up being the teeny tiniest most pissed off pumpkin that ever was, later that night. The Pea was a pumpkin for Halloween, and for some reason, a rather irritated one. She wanted to head out about 4pm and when I wouldn't let her she got pissed and stayed that way, there were a few bright spots through the night, but an overall air of pissedoffedness, that coming from less than 30lbs of baby girl, was just plain funny. Dancergirl and her little guy came over, we all had dinner together and then we set out for trick or treating. After a few houses the Pea decided she was done and headed for home, leaving the three of us stunned, and then me running after her. When we got home I thought she would enjoy handing out candy. Instead, whenever someone came to the house she rolled her eyes, stomped to the front door, pointed to the bowl, said "it's right there!" and then left them, a bit stunned, and stomped back to her perch on a bar stool in the kitchen, where she scowled at me while I talked on the phone to Smash.
Sunday was a lazy day for the most part, although we did head to Betty's for the afternoon game and dinner. Luckily by then the Pea was back to her usual happy self, and we had a nice night. This morning I have been fighting to stay motivated to do anything other than go back to bed...I do have to go assemble goodie bags for the Pea's birthday party, and now that I think about it will go do, and since I don't have anything more to report, or anything all that interesting, I will leave you with last years post about goodie boxes... http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/its-all-about-boxes.html
and then I will go floss again...just for good measure.
Speakin' of pissed off, the Pea ended up being the teeny tiniest most pissed off pumpkin that ever was, later that night. The Pea was a pumpkin for Halloween, and for some reason, a rather irritated one. She wanted to head out about 4pm and when I wouldn't let her she got pissed and stayed that way, there were a few bright spots through the night, but an overall air of pissedoffedness, that coming from less than 30lbs of baby girl, was just plain funny. Dancergirl and her little guy came over, we all had dinner together and then we set out for trick or treating. After a few houses the Pea decided she was done and headed for home, leaving the three of us stunned, and then me running after her. When we got home I thought she would enjoy handing out candy. Instead, whenever someone came to the house she rolled her eyes, stomped to the front door, pointed to the bowl, said "it's right there!" and then left them, a bit stunned, and stomped back to her perch on a bar stool in the kitchen, where she scowled at me while I talked on the phone to Smash.
Sunday was a lazy day for the most part, although we did head to Betty's for the afternoon game and dinner. Luckily by then the Pea was back to her usual happy self, and we had a nice night. This morning I have been fighting to stay motivated to do anything other than go back to bed...I do have to go assemble goodie bags for the Pea's birthday party, and now that I think about it will go do, and since I don't have anything more to report, or anything all that interesting, I will leave you with last years post about goodie boxes... http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/its-all-about-boxes.html
and then I will go floss again...just for good measure.
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