money

Last night Coach asked me a question...today, in a completely different type of conversation Jojo asked the same question: "If money were no object, what would you do?" Coach and I had been talking about jobs, Jojo and I were talking about life, but in both cases I thought about the reality of money not being a factor in my decisions and how different life would be.

For the most part I am happy, I like my life and the things that bring me the most joy aren't things that money can buy...one thing I don't have enough of, and money would help with though, is time with friends and family. Money can't extend the day, of course, or give you more than 7 days in a week, but it can buy you the freedom to do whatever you want with your time and since most of my time is spent either at my job or commuting to and from it, that would be a huge change. I would also spend more time working out...I would get back to golf, the gym, and yoga...all of which have become a luxury. I would spend more time traveling...I would get to all those places I have been wanting to go or go back to, and whenever there was an exhibit or show or something else that I thought sounded interesting I would just go...without a second thought.

When we were in Charleston in July and on our "dontkay ride" through downtown the Pea spotted a hotel and went nutty. It was painted pink and she fell in love...I promised her at the time we would go back to Charleston, and stay the weekend in the pink house. (http://www.millshouse.com/gallery/index.html) We haven't been able to do that and that would be first on the list.

Also on that list:

Trips up north every month...some months New York, some months Massachusetts, others Rhode Island...we would visit friends and family, or just hang out and enjoy the scenery. We would no longer miss birthdays, holidays, the fall foliage, the whales migrating, Yankee games, or the annual clearance sale at L.L.Bean. I still wouldn't live up there, but being able to enjoy it and see everyone would be nice.

Big sporting events...not saying I would want to go to every NFL game or every baseball playoff, but if the Panthers actually made it to the Super Bowl (yes, I am laughing out loud) or the Cubs made it to the World Series, I would want to be there. Also the Masters, Final Four, Rose Bowl...you get the idea.

Love my little house and the town I live in, they are both great, but if I could I would live on the water...I would live at the beach, and I would have a housekeeper to vacuum up all the sand. I would have a little office with a window that faced the ocean, and I would get up every morning and write...well after I ran to DD and got a coffee that is...my brain doesn't function without caffeine, even in a parallel universe where I have all the money in the world.

How about you? What would you do...how would you live...what would your life be like if you didn't have to think about money?

pumpkin doughnuts

I am tearing myself away from Monday Night Football to write, but because my heart is not in it, I thought I would share an old post instead. I know, I know...I am due a story...tomorrow, I promise!

Yesterday Smash texted me: "PUMPKIN DOUGHNUTS!!!!!"

I immediately ran out to Dunkin Donuts only to be told, no, they were not yet available in our area...damn. Because I have been thinking about the damn things ever since though, here ya go...


Thursday, October 30, 2008

addictions and pictures


Well I am not just an addict, I'm a pusher...yup, that's right...last night at 10:30 Smash called me from a Dunkin Donuts drive thru: "OMG, you know those pumpkin doughnuts you like so much, well I tried one the other day and now I'm addicted too! I can't stop!" As I sit here typing, my large hazelnut coffee with skim milk and Splenda (the fewer calories I waste on the coffee the more doughnuts I can eat) is steaming and my half eaten pumpkin doughnut is taunting. We even discussed how we would manage once the little lovelies went away, because they are just a seasonal flavor...the thought of living without was just too much so we plan to freeze a couple dozen (I think we said six dozen to be exact). Oh you laugh, but we were serious...even discussing the merits of Ziploc baggies and what we would have to clear out of the freezer to make room for our little pumpkin friends. Hee hee.

So, lets see...had a pretty great week so far. Monday night went out and found a new watering hole...they didn't have $4 martinis but they did have $2 pints and pool tables. So after kicking Booya's ass (sorry man) on the pool table and sucking down a few of those pints I managed to get some sleep. Tuesday, work was slow, but because I had come in early got to head home early and see my little Pea. Ended up having a really nice night at home and then yesterday was so busy at work the day just flew by. Last night after leaving work I went and bought a digital camera...DH has one that I used religiously the first two and a half years of the Pea's life, but since moving out I haven't been able to take any pictures, other than on my phone. There was no way I was gonna let Halloween and her birthday go by without a ridiculous number of pictures.

I used to feel a little self-conscious bringing in to work pictures of the Pea, almost shy about it. I would bring them in all excited to show people and then not show them unless someone asked because it seemed pushy and arrogant "Here look at these - isn't my kid cute?!" Kinda obnoxious...until, that is, my office mate brought in pictures OF HIS DOG. Now, I have nothing against taking pictures of your dog, I used to do it all the time, especially if she was being especially cute...and nothing against sharing those pictures now and then, but this was different. At a point in the afternoon when no one was on the phone or in the middle of a big project he called us all around to "take a look at something." Well usually that means a video of a plane crash or some other aviation anomaly and then we all sit around and talk about it. We all gather around, bated breath, and he pulls out a STACK of 8 by 10 glossies...of his dog...IN A HALLOWEEN COSTUME. Oh yeah...What do you say? "Oh my god, how cute!" Well as the other girls in the office all fawned and shrieked and went on and on over what appeared to be an overgrown hamster in a fairy princess get up I thought to myself, "OK, no more feelin' self-conscious about bringing in the occasional picture of the Pea." These ladies are totally into it, they are eatin' it up...So anyway...tomorrow as my little Pea struts around beggin' for candy, I will be snapping pictures like a maniac and you can be sure the girls in the office will be shrieking and fawning Monday morning, whether they like it or not.

Well, my coffee has cooled and my doughnut is long gone...the office is starting to fill up and I probably ought to try and find something to do...ooooh, maybe someone has pictures of their cat...

sunday

Ahhh, all is right with the world...I am home, and I have my Pea. The golf weekend was a bust, rained the entire time so not a bit of golf was played. Ended up watching football, drinking beer, and for a quick bit of comic relief from the football: bowling. Yeah, not a huge fan of the bowling since I average about a 90, but it was fun, and I was able to provide comic relief for the group, as I resemble a cross between a crane and a flamingo (or so I was told) and send my ball flying into the gutter pretty regularly. It is a good thing I have no issue with being made fun of and laughed "with."

Well since I have MUCH to do and want to make it to bed at a reasonable hour, I am gonna go ahead and sign off. Hopefully I will have a story for you tomorrow...been slackin' on that front haven't I?

all the good guys

It is early...I should be in bed. The Pea is still asleep, I have nowhere to be, and I am still tired, but I can't sleep. Just watched the highlights of last nights game and damn, sorry I missed that...looks like it was a good one. The Pea and I are planning on lots of fun stuff today: the mall, the park, maybe the aquarium. I am keeping her out of school because she will be staying with DH this weekend and I feel like I haven't gotten to see her much this week. She will be going to a football game (lucky girl) over the weekend, and doing all the fun stuff surrounding that...I will be playing golf, or at least that is the plan...let's hope the weather is good for both of us.

Feeling a little blah, as I usually do right before a non-Pea weekend. I should be happy, and glad that not only will she have a great one, but that I will be able to have a nice grown up weekend without the responsibility. Thing is, I kinda like the responsibility, and the work, and her company. Oh well, it is what it is, and considering some of the alternatives, I will take it.

So, Hot Writer Man, JDV, did his article this week on the best romantic relationships coming from friendships (http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-mind-of-man-where-all-the-good-guys-are/). And he addressed it to the ladies in a, the good guys are right in front of you, get your heads outta your asses! kind of way. This hit home for me, and has had me thinking ever since. I am "one of the boys" always have been...I have a slew of guy friends and for one reason or another none of them have been or ever will be (?) my boyfriend. JDV says the best relationships come out of friendship and when the passion fades the friendship will be there and all will be well.

Well...that is all well and good in theory, but been there, done that, and not real sure I wanna do it again. DH started as a friend, and even though there was some passion on and off, eventually it just wasn't enough for me. I have plenty of friends...I have both men and women I can yammer to incessantly about my day, go to movies with, go out to eat, or go shopping with. NOW I want passion, I want a guy I can't keep my hands off of, I want a guy who I fantasize about, who I have such crazy chemistry with I can not imagine NOT "being" with. Yes, I know it fades, I know it goes away, and real life gets in the way of having crazy, naughty, monkey sex on the kitchen floor cuz you just can't make it to the bedroom, but I still want that...or at least the memory of it when it has faded. Don't get me wrong: I don't want a jerk who only is around when he is gettin' some, I don't want someone that I have nothing in common with besides sex, and I do want a "good guy" I just want that good guy to make me ache for him.

Booya and I have talked about the whole making a friend a lover thing cuz so many people (especially his mom) have encouraged us to do so, or just assumed we have, BUT, there is a reason Booya and I aren't and never will be lovers...there is no spark. We are like siblings. Yes, we know everything about each other, and hang out all the time, but the answer to "why not?" is well, cuz it would feel like settling. It would be both of us giving up finding "the one" and saying "ok, you are here, you will do" if I was ok with that, I would have stayed in my marriage.

As per JDV's advice, I looked around at all the great guys right in front of me this week, I thought about all the boys in my life. Philly, who could be my boyfriend but I am still holding back on, partly because of the chemistry thing...Coach, who I have the crazy passion and chemistry with, but doesn't seem to want more...and all "my boys" who I have these really great friendships with that have grown and developed over the last year, and with one exception (he IS the prettiest boy on the planet) I just could never see myself with...not because they aren't great, they are...they are some of the best men I have ever met...they just aren't for me.

*sigh*

There is always BOB...maybe I should have grabbed him and gone back to bed this morning instead of all this thinking and typing...hmmmmm...going back to bed now.

no football s#cks

Ahhh, made it through the work week, still not sure why I didn't want to be there, but now that it is over it is all good. Overall it ended up being a good one. Yesterday was super busy, today was easy, and I got to see a few people that I don't get to very often (seriously Grey, could you please stop getting better looking? good lawd) so it didn't suck.

Some more sh*t that doesn't s#ck:

Every time we hear the song in the car the Pea puts both her hands in the air and dances in her car seat and sings along, THIS however, is even cuter...O.M.G. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikTxfIDYx6Q of course the dad laughing while he films is also kinda hilarious.

Ok, along those lines...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U-Qz8yzxVQ&feature=player_embedded#t=25 skip to about 2:30. This ALMOST makes up for not being able to watch real football tonight.

And last...the Pea LOVES this video...it is football bloopers set to "Lets Get Retarded" (think Black Eyed Peas "Let's Get It Started") http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgZ8y2wuIJQ

Enjoy and have a good night!

random

Had a great day today. Jojo was back at work, one of the guys (who I will call Alaska) was in the office, and he always tells the best stories, and I am home now, with the Pea, and Philly is coming over for dinner. I love cooking, but don't do it all that often because I am physically incapable of cooking in small portions. If I cook, the Pea and I eat the leftovers for days. I like having someone else to cook for, especially if that someone is NOT a picky eater. I tend to experiment a lot and like someone who is as adventurous with their palete as I. So, speaking of sharing meals, I had dinner with JD's girl, Elliot, last night. I was a little nervous because we have never been together just the two of us and with JD out of town I really wanted us to like each other, and like hanging with each other. Well, it ended up going great, better than great, and we actually had something other than JD to talk about. In his honor though, and because I need to get off this computer and get cookin' I thought I would run a little something that he sent me today in an email. I don't think these are HIS thoughts, necessarily, I think it was a forward, but they are awesome and I laughed out loud while reading, so I thought I would share.

Random Thoughts of the Day:

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can recognize their own image.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection again.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Dangit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruisingspeed for pedophiles...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their carkeys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on theDonkey - but I'd bet my a$s everyone can find and push the Snoozebutton from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat POS before dinner.

reality

Ok...here goes, I'm not afraid to say it, life is short right, I should say what I feel...I am falling in love...

...no not really, but I do have a new quarterback crush...Mark Sanchez. Yeah, hate to admit it, but me likey. Ahh, pretty boys who can play ball...I have a weakness, no, a disease rather.

So yeah, watched football pretty much all day yesterday and today, and as a result am up now (it is 9:30pm) writing, and still have to clean, do laundry, and pack. I was hoping the cleaning fairy would show up while the Pea and I were out on our doughnut run this morning but no dice. Even gave the little bitch an extra couple of hours while we hit the park and went for a run and then played, but noooooo...apparently she was busy.

Today was one of those really great fall Sundays...it was sunny, but not too warm, the Pea was in a great mood, we spent all morning outside, watched football all afternoon, and even fell asleep on the couch together for one of those fabulous afternoon naps. I wanted the day to just go on forever...I am dreading going into work for the first time, I think, ever. I really like my job, and the people there, and I always look forward to Mondays, but not this week. Not sure exactly why, but I am sure it has a bit to do with knowing Jojo won't be there, a bit with having to hand over the Pea to school and then to DH for night, and also because it means back to the real world.

In the real world hot QBs don't know I exist and the cleaning fairy NEVER shows...*sigh*

no regrets

Ever have one of those days that get away from you and before you know it it is the next day? Well, that was my yesterday...I never had a chance to write, didn't do my Sh*t That Doesn't S#ck, didn't return any emails, or even check Facebook...oh well. It is a new day, here I am.

Jojo is burying her son today. To write something funny, or silly, just seems wrong, but I felt like I had to write, and while I have been blowing up my journal and my other blog with words for days, they are pissed off, sad, questioning words that if I were to go back and read, probably wouldn't make much sense.

Jojo and I work together in "snackland" and every Tuesday and Thursday are the only ones in the office from 7-8am. We use that time to catch up and talk, and have often referred to those hours as "our therapy." We are a lot alike in that neither of us have a censor,we pretty much wear our heart on our sleeve, and we say exactly what we are thinking when we are thinking it. It is pretty scary, being that way...putting yourself out there, without a filter...you are bound to face rejection, heartbreak, and criticism. Sometimes you offend, only to realize it afterwards, and you beat yourself for days because you never meant to...sometimes you tell someone how great they are, or that you really like them (or *GASP* love them) and they shy away because they, for whatever reason, don't think you should...and sometimes you just annoy because not everyone likes to hear the truth. More often than not though you end up able to have better relationships with those who DO choose to be in your life because they are rarely left wondering where they stand. I would venture to say that everyone I love in one way or another knows it, because I tell them. Everyone who I enjoy being around and spending time with knows it, because I make an effort to do so, and while I may not be able to do for others all that I want to, or spend as much time with those that I want to, they know they are important to me.

Does it always go both ways? Nope, sure doesn't. Have I felt the sting of rejection, or been left wondering what I did wrong? Oh yeah, many times. One thing I have learned as a parent though, that I have carried over into all my other relationships, is that love can be one sided and that is ok...more than ok. My daughter didn't come out of the womb loving me, but I was in love with her before I ever saw her or held her. My daughter was helpless as an infant and "did" nothing to show she appreciated or loved me, but it certainly didn't make me question my value in her life or whether or not she needed me. She wasn't able to say "I love you" or show affection until she was older, yet it didn't stop me from saying it to her, or giving her affection. What I learned from loving her is that the joy comes from the giving, the receiving is a bonus, and if you hold back on the giving you are only cheating yourself. If you hold back on the saying until you know you will hear it back, you may end up never getting a chance to say it, and only YOU will regret that. If you hold back at all, until tomorrow, until you are sure, until you can guarantee you won't get hurt, you will just end up lonely.

Jojo and I both have scared off, or pissed off, our fair share of people with our mouths, and so have a few regrets...what we don't regret is that there are a lot MORE people we have made to feel loved, wanted, appreciated, and cared for. Plenty of people leave this planet not knowing they were loved, not knowing they were appreciated...they leave never knowing how funny, well liked, or respected they were. Jojo's son wasn't one of them...he may have never had a chance to say goodbye, but he knew he was loved, and those in his life knew he loved them because he was enough like his mom to let them know. If only we could all get out of our own way and let down our guard enough to be like that...

Jojo, I love you...but you already knew that.

splendid

I was out of Splenda this morning...it made me remember this old post:

http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2009/01/sure-about-that.html

I will have a new post tomorrow...in the meantime make sure you tell all the people you love that you do, that you enjoy every moment of today, and you thank God for your family and friends...you never know when it will be too late to do so.

sunday

I was planning on a post about fall and football and new babies...exciting times, happy times, and fun...instead I am writing to tell you all I am going to take a break for a few days. Tragedy struck our little blog family yesterday and I don't have words to make it better...there are no words, in any language, so I don't want to write...not publicly anyway.

Jojo: I love you and I am sorry...so sorry...I wish there was something else to say, something that could make it better, but I know there isn't. I am here when you need me, I am praying for you, and thinking about you.

fall

Another fall baby is headed our way...my very cool cousin is having her baby as we speak, and I am so excited for her...having your first baby is like no other time in your life, and something you remember always. I don't have time for a new post, as I am headed out for a date with Philly, but I thought I would re-run this one...Congrats! Can't wait to meet your new little bundle of joy!

Monday, October 27, 2008

fall
This morning, on my drive to work, I watched the sun rise...as it rose above the horizon and illuminated the trees, all changing into various shades of crimson and gold, I thought about the season. Fall, Autumn, whatever you want to call it...for me as of late, has become my season of new beginnings. JJ, Boo and the Pea were all born in the fall...each one of them arrived home from the hospital with a backdrop of multicolored leaves and crisp cool air. I love that NOW, whenever I have a sunny, beautiful, fall day I think back to each of their births and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy.

JJ was born two weeks late...I wasn't working at the time, as a result of losing my job following 9-11, and was pretty down...I saw his birth as an opportunity to DO something...I was going to get there AFTER the baby came, and HELP. As it happened I arrived to find Smash laid up in a hospital bed...10 months pregnant, still no baby, and I never did end up being much of a help. When JJ came home a few days later, the light was perfect, the air was crisp and the leaves crunched underneath our feet as Smash's DH carried the new, chubby cheeked little man into the house, I snapped pictures, and Smash hobbled behind. It wasn't just a new beginning for her and her new baby, it was a new beginning for me...I was an Aunti now, and I felt a love for that child that I had never felt before.

Boo came just two short years later, late, just like his big brother...apparently Smash's womb is like one of those perfect lounge chairs you just don't wanna get out of...and again, I arrived to find my sister STILL pregnant even though we thought we had planned for me to arrive AFTER the birth. Boo also came home on a beautiful, sunny, crisp cool day.

Two years after that, I found myself HUGE with child, and like Smash, overdue. I was doing everything to try to get that baby movin'...I wanted to meet her, damnit, and I didn't want to wait another day. I was molesting DH daily, sometimes twice daily, much to his chagrin, because sex was supposed to get things going, and FINALLY after one of our more rigorous romps I had a contraction, a bad one, and it wasn't one of those mild, "could this be it?" Braxton-Hicks, it was the real deal...holy shit.

Twenty four long, exhausting, excruciating hours later I had my Pea. Unlike the boys, she came home in the dark, two nights later, but the next morning when we ventured outside for pictures, we were greeted by a perfect sunny fall day.

It's now three years later, and neither Smash nor I are due, or in our cases overdue, to give birth. I am, however, looking forward to ushering in my new life, my new beginning, this fall. It is not nearly as exciting or terrifying as a new baby...there won't be pictures or announcements, I won't be getting gifts or cards...but, it will forever change me, make me a better person, and give me a whole new perspective.

r u happy?

Blogging is pretty great, it doesn't suck, but sometimes the exposure can be a bit rough, a bit embarrassing...like say when you announce to the world that you have a date, or a new boyfriend, and a few days later have to say that you got stood up, or that you no longer have a boyfriend...yeah, kinda sucks, and while just about everyone has been there and can empathise, it doesn't take away the sting. If you haven't guessed already Philly and I decided to cool things off a bit. I just couldn't have things "official" when I wasn't 100%, and we both felt like we had rushed things...oh well...onto a few things that DON'T suck...

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this poster...seriously...and so true.


I may not always be happy, but this is a good ol' reminder that if I am not I can do something about it.

I am a big fan of other people's blogs, especially really great ones, because I know how much time and effort I put into mine and it is one step up from lame...the ones that have actual links and graphics and cool stuff...blows my mind...anyhoo, my new favorite for this week is:

http://www.howtobeataguyin10plays.com/2009/09/game-on.html How to beat a guy in 10plays...NO, it is not a dating or relationship blog, it is about football and fantasy football and it is written by a girl. She also throws in fun movie quotes and clips and random stuff here and there, and I think it is awesome...check it out.

Well...that is it for this week...signing off.

For Mom: THANKS! the Pea is VERY excited.

hump day

Wow...it is Wednesday already...the week is flying by. Had a great day today...Partyman was at work, which always makes for a fun day...I had a lot, but not too much, to do...had enough energy to go for a run (although not a long one because I had the dog and she wore out before I did) and some yoga when I got home...AND, now I am writing, which means I will go to bed feeling like I had a productive day. I am looking forward to one more day of work and then a beach weekend. The weather is supposed to be beautiful (although it was supposed to be last weekend too and ended up a wash out) and I am planning on going both Saturday and Sunday.

Well I wish I had more...a funny story or something, but I don't, so I am signing off.

For Partyman: Isn't it great that we work in an office full of filthy little monkeys? I mean really, you just wanted to show off your box, I get it, I understand, but ya can't go around saying "Hey, you wanna see my new box?" and NOT expect us all to take it and run with it...right down naughty lane...D blushing, CLASSIC...giggity. :)

bueller

Back to work today and it was a long one. It was pleasantly busy with a lot going on, but not crazy or hectic. I'm at Booya's tonight because of the holiday and the change to the Pea schedule, and it will be the last night I hang with him for awhile. We went out for a bit, but didn't feel much like drinking, so we went for a drive. He has one of those really great cars that can pin you against the back of the seat and make you laugh out loud so we hit the highway and opened her up...we never got to 6th gear. As great as it was to be flying down the road like teenagers, the rational, thirty-something, side in both of us decided a ticket would not be a good send off.

When I was a teenager I loved going for drives...it was one of those things I could do all by myself, in total control, and it made me feel alive and happy. Even if I wasn't going anywhere but in a circle around the county, I felt like I was embarking on an adventure. Speaking of adventures, Grey returned from his and we were able to catch up today...it is weird how you can not see someone for months and then fall right back into step as if they were never gone. I have a few friends like that, that just pick right up where we left off, whether it has been a few weeks or a few years, and others who it seems there is always a bit of warming up with. It is strange how that happens, that level of comfort, and it doesn't seem to have much to do with how long, or how well you know them, it just is or isn't.

Hmmm...wonder how much warming up it would take to get Booya to keep from killing me upon coming home and finding a few thousand extra miles on his car?...maybe instead of a few thousand I will just take it home one night, add a few hundred...and now all I can think of is: "Bueller?... Bueller? ... Bueller?"

"We'll drive home backwards."

boring

Mclovin called the other night to tell me that the blog was getting boring...he no longer checked in to read on a regular basis cuz it no longer had the draw it used to. Booya said something similar a few weeks ago...they both have been reading since the beginning and have watched me (and been there for me) through all the ups and downs and tell me what they think, even when I don't want to hear it, so I guess I better listen to them. They both said that the "old way" of writing, that read more like a journal, "here is what I did today" and less like articles for a women's magazine, is what kept them coming back...they also both said (along with DrCox) that I needed to write more, every day, even if it was just a line or two. Ok, guys...here ya go, back to basics...

So, today is Labor Day, which means no school for the Pea and no work for me. We were hoping to hit the beach with Dancergirl but the weather is crappy so we did DD and the mall instead...we are home now, fingers crossed there will be naps, and then back to the grind tomorrow.

The weekend was pretty good. It started, for me, on Friday and after dropping off the Pea at school I managed a quick catch up with Gigi at her office over coffee and then went to the park for a run (and by run I mean walk/run/struggle). Took my time at home with the hot shower and then met Betty out for a late lunch. We had much catching up to do, and talked mostly about boys. My boys...things with Philly are really nice, HE is really nice, and I am still holding back. He is officially my boyfriend, and yet I am having a hard time wrapping my head around that. I also still feel like there is unfinished business with Coach and whether it is closure or something else I don't know. Philly and I are already making plans for the rest of the month [read: future] and doing "couple stuff" with other couples, and yet we are still very tentative, and a bit hot and cold, with each other. I told Gigi yesterday that Dancergirl asked a question about "my boyfriend" and the first thing that flew out of my mouth was "I don't have a boyfr...oh, you mean, Philly...uhm, oopsie" What is wrong with me?! I am also starting to dread the upcoming two months and having all "my boys" out of the country...DrCox left today, Booya will leave at the end of the week and JD shortly after that. I don't know what the hell I am gonna do...they are the ones who keep me straight, who watch my back, and who look out for me...not to mention hang with me on Monday and Wednesday nights...who will make fun of me when I spill my Dos Equis and drop salsa on my shirt?! *sigh*

Saturday was ok...started off great, the Pea and I went to DD, then through the car wash, shopping, the park; then I started feeling bad, thought I was coming down with something (feel fine now though, so who knows) and I ended up being a lazy slug for the rest of the day. Dancergirl brought her baby boy over after dinner and he stayed with us for the night so she could go out and have some fun...I THOUGHT having two would mean they would entertain each other and leave me to chill...L.O.L. ahahahahahahhaaaaa, NO...instead of "mommy, play with me" it was "Miss K, Pea is doing..." "mommy, he is being mean..." bang, crash, crying..."NOOOO....we will be nice, please don't separate us!!!" "can we...?" "how about...?" I ALSO thought they would sleep in in the morning since they both stayed up past their bedtimes...again L.O.L. not so much...7am, not one, but two, pair of eyes on me as I struggled to open mine, and "can we go to the beach now?" We ended up going to the beach, but not for long; it was cloudy and cold, and not much fun. We left the beach and headed to Gigi's to see BabyTarheel and visit awhile. The rest of the afternoon was spent napping, cuddling, and just chilling at home.

The rest of today will be like most Sundays...cleaning, laundry, packing, chores...only unlike most Sundays the Pea will head off to spend the night with DH and I will have a bit of alone time. I really like my alone time, have come to love it...as I sit here typing, I can't help but wonder if my holding back when it comes to Philly, or men in general, is my way of ensuring that I continue to have it. I don't want to have to answer to anyone, be at any one's beck and call, or always have to be available...I like that I can come and go as I please, and drop off the radar just because, and only spend time with the people I want to spent time with, and despite Philly giving me NO indication that he will stifle that, I see him as a threat, because I see any relationship a threat, and I will fiercely protect my freedom because I have come to see my freedom as the key to my happiness...hmmmmm...ok Booya, Mclovin, DrCox, any thoughts on THAT?

good stuff

I think the biggest killer of any kind of relationship is a lack of honest communication. We either lie to ourselves which makes it impossible to be honest with others, we choose to outright lie to our partner because we think the truth won't get us anywhere, or we fail to listen to what others say and jump to conclusions that are false. Often times we are scared to say what we really feel for fear of rejection, anger, or disappointment from the other party and we offer up what we think they want to hear, which just sets us up for failure and resentment. Sometimes we get so self absorbed we don't listen and not feeling heard in a relationship is a sure way to build resentment. It is hard to say what you mean and mean what you say and get your head out of your ass and really listen and hear without jumping to conclusions or getting defensive, but it is the only way to have a good relationship. A good relationship doesn't suck...here are a few other things that don't:

John DeVore "hot writer man" you have done it again...I fall more in love with you with every article. I wish I could print this out, make about a million copies, and distribute to every man I know, some I don't, and to everyone raising boys. I will instead post a link and hope all MY readers read it: http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-mind-of-man-the-number-one-lesson-i-will-teach-my-future-son-about-wome/

Ok, it isn't just the guys who turn off their ears, sometimes us ladies do it too, and this video gives a ridiculous example...in addition to the not listening there is a tad bit o' crazy and then jumping to conclusions and it REALLY f*cked up a relationship...wow...seriously, you HAVE to watch: http://www.heavy.com/video/crazy-emails-from-girlfriend-vacation-gone-wrong-73357/ good stuff.

Alrighty...that is all I got this week...off to bed cuz I am wicked tired. I have a four day weekend ahead and the forecast is for fabulous weather...that, sure as sh#t, doesn't suck.

particular, again

This was my post one year ago today...wow, it has been quite a year. A LOT of ups and downs, lots of adjusting to new things, new routines, a new life. I have kept my promise to myself to be particular and I am so much happier today than I was back then...

Monday, September 1, 2008

best advice
Well it looks like it is going to be a good day...the weather is nice, the Pea is feeling better, and now that I have had a coffee I am feeling great. The Pea and I decided since today was a holiday, doughnuts were in order and we headed out early. We have a new place now, since I live in a different part of town, and it will mean a new routine, but the Pea got what she always gets, so she is happy.

Tonight will be my first night here alone, the Pea is going to stay with DH. I am a little nervous I won't know what to do with myself and will go a little crazy, but hopefully it will mean a good nights sleep and getting a chance to sleep in and relax in the morning. My plan for the day is to stay as busy as possible, then go have dinner with the girls so we can catch up and have some big girl time, and then when I get home I will be so tired I will go right to sleep and won't even think about the fact that I am alone.

So, because I wanted some light reading last night before I went to sleep, I went back and started re-reading The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love, let me just say, even the second or third time around, it is still funny as hell. I had dog eared a few of my favorite pages last time I read it, and it was interesting to read those pages again...one of them was in the section:

The Best Advice Ever Given. "Be particular. That is, without a doubt, the Best Advice Ever Given in the History of the Entire World. Consider, if you will, the profound effect that following advice would have on, say, your diet, your love life, your financial situation, your decision on whether to have that next drink. I mean, what do those two words not cover?"

I got to thinking, how many messes have I gotten myself into NOT being particular...how many times have I settled, or just made the easy decision and as a result not ended up happy? On the other hand, how many times have I BEEN particular, demanded what I wanted, even if it was harder, and ended up in a better place? Now I don't know if it is, in fact, the best advice ever, but it is pretty damn good, and I for one probably need to start being a little more particular, especially when it comes to how and with whom I spend my time, and whether or not I need to have that next drink...Jill Conner Browne went on to tell the story about how one of the Queens, Tammy, was NOT particular and as a result ended up in bed with THE REDHEADED MAN WHO WOULD NOT MOVE - twice!...and I will let you read the story if you want - LOL! but I tell ya, the thought of ending up like poor Tammy, with the redhead, or any other man like him, is enough to make me damn sure, from here on out, I will be particular!