3rd saturday

Well it's the third Saturday of the month, which means the Pea is with her daddy...I both hate and look forward to these weekends every month. As DH backed out of the driveway this morning, I stood and watched from the window, fighting back the tears. It has been 7 months now, and I still am not "used to" it. I selfishly want her all to myself, and yet I know her time with him is necessary for us both. I need to have some time to myself, to spend with friends, to do the things I can't when I have her, and to rest...she needs to be with her dad...and despite always making sure my weekend is jammed full of fun activities, I hate it, I hate every minute of it.

I haven't stopped since she left this morning...I was able to run the vacuum (which I can't do when she is home: "mommy too LOUD!"), go out for coffee, have friends over and take them to the beach (JD...I like Elliot, I like her a lot - good job man!), help get the club ready for Lady's party, and now I am writing. Despite it all being lovely, there has been an underlying melancholy, I miss my baby girl.

I will be going out tonight, out to a great party, and then a party after the party...I will be all dressed up and (hopefully) lookin' cute. I should be excited about this, I should be thrilled that I will be out, with adults, meeting new people, having fun, drinking martinis...hell the martinis alone should have me doing flips, why aren't I more excited? ...hmmm, maybe I need coffee. A good shot of caffeine will get me going. I'm gonna sign off, go brew some coffee and take a long hot shower. I vow to let myself have fun tonight, without any mommy guilt, and tomorrow I will have a fun post, funny story, or well, quite possibly, a hangover which will prevent me from writing anything at all...

divine

Just found another great website and wanted to share:

http://www.divinecaroline.com

lots of great stuff for the gals!

whew

Well I have had a busy morning, but I can now sit down, take a breath and write, so I'm gonna. So, remember my accident? And how it was my fault (I rear-ended someone), well today was my court date, and I was really dreading it. Dreading it so much, because the ONLY time I have ever been in a courtroom was for my first divorce and it was AWFUL, I tried to get out of it yesterday by just pleading guilty and paying the ticket. Well, lucky for me, a very nice clerk talked some sense into me when I tried. She told me to get a letter from my insurance company and get my butt down to court in the morning and they would dismiss it, and I wouldn't have to pay the fine...well I got all upset and told her I was just was too nervous to have to go through all that, and she gave me a good verbal slap and told me to do it anyway. She was right...it wasn't bad, AT ALL, the DA man was very nice (and kinda cute), and they did, in fact, dismiss the charge...no points, no fine...whew! And THANK YOU Gigi...I don't have a printer and the insurance man e-mailed the letter, so she printed it off and had it ready for me this morning at 7am...I owe ya lady!

Ok, so now that all that is behind me, and the Pea is at school, I have the rest of the day to enjoy myself...I am gonna go to the gym (with make-up, without Juicy pants), hit the mall, cuz not having to pay that fine gives me a teeny tiny bit of spending money and I need to buy a birthday present for Lady...she is turning...(oh lets just say 39) and having a party to celebrate, and then maybe, just maybe I will get to those dishes in the sink and those clothes in the dryer.

plastic ponies

The book I am reading now; I Was Told There'd Be Cake, by Sloane Crosley, is a group of essays. I was given the book by my sister because of the first essay, titled; The Pony Problem. The first sentence of the first page is:

As most New Yorkers have done, I have given serious and generous thought to the state of my apartment should I get killed during the day.

Smash said she picked up the book, flipped open to this first page, started reading and then laughed out loud and thought, "I HAVE to get this book for my sister!" She didn't tell me that until AFTER I started reading and called to tell her I loved it, and loved the writing, and totally LOVED the first essay.

I too have given ample thought to the state of my house if I should die during the day, and not just thought, I have actually expressed these thoughts to my sister. I have called her in a near panic to tell her about my house, and how disgusting it is, and how if I do, in fact, die, she HAS to be the first one to go in, not just to clean but to get rid of stuff. You may think this sounds silly and rather paranoid, but I have always been like this...before EVERY trip out of town, or out of the country I would assess how bad it would be for those left behind if I should not return, and now that I hurl myself over 250 miles of interstate at 80 miles an hour almost every day it is not completely out of the realm of possibility...those 4 hours in the car every day also give me ample time to think.

Now that I have a kid it is even worse...the house is messier and so is my mind. In the essay, Sloane's main concern is her pony collection, and no that is not code for Bob collection, they are actual plastic toy ponies, and she is mortified and yet unable to get rid of them. My concern; my journal. You think I am crazy in this blog? You should read my journal...no don't. You see, my journal, the paper one, is where all my; fears, loathings, paranoid stupid frantic thoughts, hopes, dreams, aspirations, failings, heartbreaks, and the real hard (no one wants to admit they have) feelings, go...and like the dozens that have come before it; it will be shredded, either by me upon running out of pages or my sister upon my demise.

So anyway, after reading and thinking about this preoccupation, I thought I would just put it all out there for everyone so there are no surprises...with Smash living a thousand miles away there is a very good chance any one of you lucky readers could get the job of going through my stuff should I; get run over by a forklift, walk into an airplane prop, run off the road because an Usher song comes on the radio (don't ask), or choke on a doughnut.

There are dirty dishes in the sink, with the dishwasher broken I have to wash them all by hand and I should have washed them Monday, but I didn't...again on Tuesday, again I didn't...I wasn't home last night so I have an excuse, regardless, they are still there. There are clean clothes in the dryer, they will remain there until newly washed wet clothes have to go in instead, or, you fold them for me. The trash can in the bathroom is full, and that pile of clothes on the bathroom floor, they are all dirty. Don't go into the Pea's room...you will break your leg. I don't think there is a square inch of floor space NOT littered with toys, books or clothes. Bob is on the top of my shoe shelf in the closet, help yourself.

I don't have any plastic ponies.

favorites

It has been one of those very long, very tedious days...I have a nasty headache and don't much feel like writing, but I got a message on my facebook page from my very cool cousin and wanted to share. Seems she knew the song I was referring to in the post "your what on fire" and Smash almost got it right.

saw the post about "snatch on fire" (LMAO), and i'm pretty sure i know the song being referred to..."Sex on Fire" by the Kings of Leon! http://www.lyricsmania.com/lyrics/kings_of_leon_lyrics_1498/only_by_the_night_lyrics_85912/sex_on_fire_lyrics_844854.html

So there ya go...and thanks!

Uhm, lets see...since I'm sharing, and I don't have the brain power for a story, I will just share a few of my new favorite things:

Website: http://www.thefrisky.com/ it is a fun place with lots of great writers who comment and share experiences on dating, relationships, sex, style, & entertainment...my guilty pleasure is The Bachelor live blogging, and I LOVE Amelia and John DeVore...in order to leave comments you have to become a member, which I did in order to compliment a particular article, and since then I have become an addict...silly really, but what the hell else am I gonna do after the Pea goes to bed.

CDs: In my car right now are T.I., Sugarland, Adele, and the soundtrack to Garden State...and I love them all...random selection I know, but when I had to switch cars all those times, those are the only ones that made the final switch...all my others are in my garage.

Book: Oh, the Places You'll Go! by Dr. Seuss...I know it's a kids book, but it is awesome, and the Pea happens to love it too, so when I am down I read it to her to pick myself up.

Haven't seen any movies lately...

Ok, well... sorry I don't have more for ya, but I'm runnin' out of steam...g'nite.

dead presidents

Happy...what holiday is it? Why am I at home getting paid? Who the hell cares, I'm at home and getting paid! Ok, so it's President's day, a day to celebrate the births of a couple of the founding fathers of this great country we live in...yay. Whatever...I know that sounds terrible, especially coming from someone who spent four years in college studying, of all things, History, and who is a card carrying member of the DAR (did I just admit that? OMG) but I really couldn't care less. When I was younger I would devour reference books, encyclopedias, historical novels...I prided myself on my vast knowledge of all things historical, political, and economic. I would jump into any discussion, no matter how heated, just to impart my wisdom. Now, of course, I realize; I have no real wisdom, and the more I learn the less smart I feel. I no longer will jump into any conversation, especially if it is heated, and/or concerns politics, and I am no longer the girl with the furrowed brow and much to say...I am now the girl with the happy smile, a martini, and a hair flip. I have a mean hair flip, I can out flip a Playboy bunny...but that's beside the point.

So where the hell was I? (hair flip, sip of vodka...kidding)

Ok, so, because of the holiday I was able to hang with the Pea this morning before taking her to school (very late, sorry!), take my time getting ready and spend a good hour in a DD sipping coffee and reading a book before heading off to see Mimi. While I was sitting there drinking my coffee and reading, I couldn't help but notice two men, about my dad's age, engaged in a fairly heated discussion. I have no idea if it was about politics or not, and neither were flipping their hair, but I got a chuckle because it made me remember my conversation with Smash last night, and sorry Dad, but I have to share.

Smash: "Yeah, so guess what? Dad has a bromance goin' on."

me: "Ha, no way! Dad? Nooooo"

Smash: "Yes, he has a new best friend he hasn't stopped talking about, they have lattes together and talk, we are teasing him mercilessly, hee hee...just saying bromance makes him get all red in the face."

me: "OMG, that's hilarious, do they get pedicures too?"

Smash: (Dad! you been getting pedis? K wants to know) "He just threw his beer bottle at me."

Ok, so NO, my dad didn't throw his beer bottle at my sister (it was a can) and of course my dad hasn't suddenly switched sides, but why is it that even us "evolved" girls can't let a man have a friend without much teasing. I mean, hell we girls will sit and chat for hours, drinking coffee, being silly, we get pedis and call each other honey, and hug and cry, and never think twice about it. Do we just like the word bromance and get satisfaction in making a grown man blush? I dunno, not exactly a big life issue or something that needs heated discussion about, but something to ponder.

So to Dad, and hell, all guys out there, I say go for it..go have coffee with your bros, talk about dead presidents (and by that I mean feelings, of course), whatever...and then, just for good measure, get your toes done and hug...don't worry, I won't tell.

sigh

Sigh...sorry folks, Bob did not come through...no chocolate, no wine, no...

I did, however, have a fabulous date with the Pea. We went to her favorite restaurant and despite the ONE AND A HALF hour wait, (I know with a three year old, that there is proof I am, in fact, crazy) it was great. When we got there we knew there would be a wait, but they wouldn't tell us how long, and I figured after about 30 minutes the Pea would want to bag it and we would just head home. Well every 20 minutes or so I would ask her if she wanted to leave and she kept saying no, and kept behaving, so we stayed. To the couple that sat next to us for awhile and then later brought us hushpuppies while we continued to wait THANK YOU!!! Yeah, a newlywed couple hung with us for about 40 minutes of the wait and not only kept her entertained with pictures but then after getting their table brought the Pea some hushpuppies...very cool.

Ya know this could have ended up being one of those posts about a horror story in a restaurant and an awful valentines and blah blah blah...I am so glad it isn't. I genuinely had a really nice time, and I know I am biased but I was really proud of the Pea...not only did she behave during the wait, but she behaved at the table as well, and was polite...whew, I don't think I could have handled it otherwise.

Ok, well despite having tomorrow off of work, I still feel like I have to get all my Sunday "chores" knocked out so I better sign off.

juicy

I CANNOT believe I am admitting this, but I am one of those girls who puts make-up on to go to the gym...yup...and not just "oh squeezing in a workout between work and home so still have some on" NO, NO...I actually applied make-up this morning knowing full well my itinerary consisted ONLY of a DD drive-thru, the gym, and the mall. For those of you who know me and know I rarely put on much more than powder and mascara, and that's to work, I bet you are confused, yes? Well, no, no hot guys workin' at the DD I am tryin' to impress, not suddenly a "high-maintenance" (stop laughing Mclovin & Booya - I AM NOT!) girl, don't suddenly think it's COOL and in addition am wearing those skin tight yoga pants that say JUICY across the ass, as it seems all "girls who wear make-up at the gym" seem to do...NO, I am trying to cover the ridiculous acne that has suddenly decided to make an appearance...and YES I have tried Proactive and yes I have been to a dermatologist, who BTW said Proactive would be a waste of money in my case (bastard was right).

See, every one's body reacts a little differently to stress...some people get really hungry and tired, some lose their appetites and have upset stomachs all the time, some, like me, break out. I'm not talking a few pimples either, it is gross, awful, yuck, yuck, yuck and I HATE IT...and the only "cure" is to stop being a stress ball. Problem is, part of what stresses me out is the prospect of being forever alone, and having nasty skin makes me not feel attractive, which leads to NOT putting myself out there which means no dates, or even prospects of dates, which just makes the fear of ending up alone that much more real...being broke and going through a divorce happen to be stressers too, but I choose to ignore them...

OK, so...the dermatologist (and Mimi) suggested that I try some stress management, to include; working out more, more yoga, cutting back on the coffee and the booze, and getting more sleep. The only one I have attempted to tackle thus far is the working out, which brings me to standing in my closet, in my workout attire cringing at my appearance and deciding to apply make-up. With every dab of concealer I was thinking "I can't believe I am doing this! This is crazy..." and yet I continued. I continued until my face and neck were a lovely matte beige, finished with mascara and lip gloss...and then a flip switched in my brain and I swear to god I considered changing into yoga pants that said JUICY across the ass.

your what on fire?

So I just got done googling "your snatch is on fire." Why? Why you ask? No, MY snatch is not on fire (a little lonely and underused these days, but otherwise fine), no...Smash, in an effort to cheer me from my somewhat dreary mood, suggested I do so. See she is convinced they are the words to a song she has heard a few times but doesn't know the name or artist of, and none of the other words are coherent.

Smash: Yeah, it's the craziest song, I don't know how he gets away with saying that on the radio, but it's clear as day, "your snatch is on fire," and NONE of the other words make any sense.

me: (laughing) Are ya sure?

Smash: Well no, but that's what is sounds like...of course I thought "saw you standin' there with a ticket stub in your hand" was "saw you standin' there with a chicken leg in your hand"...so I dunno...I was gonna google it at work, but that would just get me in trouble...you do it.

And that is exactly what I did, 173,000 matches...none of them song lyrics...even went to a song lyric website, no matches. Sorry Smash, don't know what to tell ya, thanks for the pick me up though.

So yeah, I was a little down...had one of those days where just nothing went quite as I had hoped. I went in for a "free" oil change and came out 3 hours later with new brakes and $200 less to my name. Didn't get to do any of the fun stuff I had planned for myself as a result, and then to top it ALL off made a blathering idiot out of myself in a Dunkin Donuts. Yes, my dear friend, I am gonna write about it...sorry. So here's the thing, I was a little down to begin with, PMSing, and SOMEHOW we get onto the topic of me and my silly heart and what I want etc. and next thing I know, I am bawling...GOD I hate being a girl sometimes.

I hate that sometimes what you NEED to hear (the truth) is the complete opposite of what you want to hear...I hate that sometimes in life you can't get what you want, or what you think you need...and I hate making a fool out of myself in public. I love that I have friends who WILL tell me the truth even if I don't like it...I love that even though I can't always get what I want, I still get most of what I need (and I couldn't always say that)...and I love you, my dear friend, for letting me make a fool out of myself today...next time though, seriously, slap me...or I'll set my snatch on fire.

ranting

I have to rant...I know I shouldn't, it will just get me more pissed, but I think someone needs slappin' and good. Ya know that lady out in Cali. who got herself knocked up and went and had herself a bunch of kiddos...eight to be exact. Well I can't hold back any more, I have to climb up on my little soapbox, go New York for a few minutes, and rant.

WHO THE F*CK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?!? BRAGELINA?!? WTF? Now granted, I am not going to win any awards for parent of the year, and I do a shit load wrong each and every day, and because of my choices my daughter is in a less than ideal situation, so I shouldn't be throwin' stones, but come on! I AGONIZED over the decision to have a baby...I wanted one BAD, for a long time, and made sure I was in the best place I thought I could be (hindsight, I know, my bad) before even practicing to get pregnant. I had a baby daddy (although in all cases I don't think it's a bad thing to do it without), I had health insurance - including maternity, I had a home that could accommodate another human being without too much crowding, and I had a job. Far as I can tell she had none of the above when she went and got herself knocked up. NOT ONLY got herself pregnant, cuz let's be honest, if she had just had an oopsie the condom broke (or never made it's way on), this would be a non-issue...we wouldn't even know about it. She deliberately got herself impregnated with multiple babies when she already had six, SIX!! at home.

Here is where I say whoever gave Dr. Fertility/Jackass a medical license needs to think seriously about revoking it...the doctor needs a good slappin' WITH A BASEBALL BAT. Why was this woman impregnated rather than sent to a shrink? And who the hell paid for it? Which brings up the whole reason I feel OK about even talking about it, cuz if it WAS ol' Angie who did it, well that would not be my business. The Pitt household is self supporting, they don't take taxpayers money, so therefore if they want to have a dozen more, not my monkey. I can't tell you how much I want more babies, but guess what? Not gonna run out and get myself knocked up just cuz I can...there is a whole lot more to being a parent than "wanting a baby." Being a parent is HUGE, HUGE and anyone who KNOWINGLY goes into it without being at least SOMEWHAT physically, emotionally, and financially prepared is a SELFISH ASSHOLE. There are eight beautiful, innocent, little blessings struggling to make it out of the hospital and into this crazy world we live in, and I doubt highly they will be cared for the way they deserve. NO ONE, without the help of nannies (plural) can take care of 14 kids on their own, and to rely on US, the U.S. taxpayers, is just wrong...the woman needs a slappin'.

Whew, ok...hoppin' down off the soapbox now...gonna go think about makin' Pitt babies...oooh, better yet, Clooney babies, hmmmmm.

v-day with bob

The Pea is sick...the school called me while I was on my way home this evening, she had a fever. I don't think she is all that bad, but she is definitely not herself and I suspect we are in for a long night. Feeling a little blah myself...not sick, just down. Things are going reasonably well, but I have gotta be honest, not looking forward to my first Valentine's Day without a valentine in who knows how long. Not even a huge fan of the holiday, think it is one of those that is over commercialized and therefore not all that special, but nonetheless, wish I had a date...well, wish I had a date other than the Pea.

She will be accompanying me out Saturday night...still not positive what we will do, as many of our favorite places have "special menus" designed for lovahs...but we ARE going out, getting dressed up, and exchanging gifts (ok, I doubt she managed a shopping excursion without me, but SHE will be getting a Barbie Princess...shhhh, it's a surprise). I'm thinkin' despite it being SO not cool, that we will go early, beat the crowd...I figure: no one in restaurant, no happy couples to have to look at and be envious of, no wanting to vomit my dinner...win win for everyone.

For all of you thinking "Bob? What about Bob? Poor guy is gonna be all alone in the closet..." I made a deal with him...if he can manage to get me some chocolate and a bottle of wine, he is IN (and yes, pun intended).

I'll let you know how it goes...

naked and bleeding

We are back from the Sunday morning doughnut run...we skipped shopping this morning because I just couldn't muster the energy to put on anything other than yoga pants and a sweatshirt and I looked like ass. Walmart is not exactly the fashion capital of the world but even there I would have looked like a refugee. Gearing up for a big day...playing golf...yey! and while I am looking forward to the golf itself, I am a little leery of making my first appearance at the club since this blog went public. Apparently I was the "talk" of lunch the other day, and while from what I could gather it was all positive, I am still a little nervous. It's like that first day back at the office after a Christmas party where you drank too much and did something silly...I am feeling a little exposed and vulnerable.

So, speaking of exposed and vulnerable...I found myself in just that position the other day. More accurately I was buck naked and laying on the floor of my closet. Ok, ya know those skin tags? You know ladies, they pop up while you are pregnant, some people get bunches, some none (for those of you who don't know they are "tags" similar to moles, perfectly harmless, and best left alone)...well I got one while I was pregnant, on the side of my left boob, almost, but not quite in my pit...right where the side of my bra CONSTANTLY rubbed it.

The pregnancy books are VERY CLEAR about leaving the little bastards alone, regardless of how annoying they are..."do not pick, scratch, or try to remove skin tags..." blah, blah, blah...well when Smash was pregnant she got bunches and I distinctly remember her saying (I SWEAR we had this conversation) that she just "rips them off." So there I am the other day, standing in my closet, getting dressed and little f-in' thing is taunting me, and I hear Smash's voice "I just rip 'em off" and next thing I know the skin tag is gone, only to be replaced by A LOT of blood, and since self surgery is close enough to "all things medical" for me, I start to have a panic attack. Ears are ringing, I can't breathe, oh shit, I think I am gonna pass out...shit, shit, shit...sitting down, now laying down, oh please make it stop, I am bleeding all over the carpet. DAMNIT!!!

After what feels like an ETERNITY, I CRAWL to the bathroom, cuz anytime I try to stand I get woozy, get my "wound" cleaned up, slap a band aid on, which has to be replaced like 5 minutes later cuz it is soaked through, and find my phone so I can call Smash.

me: "Hey, any advice on wound care after removing a skin tag?"

Smash: "WHAT?! You had a skin tag removed?"

me: "NO, I ripped it off, don't you remember? We had a conversation about them and YOU TOLD ME you could just rip them off!"

Smash: "OMG!!! NO!! I NEVER SAID YOU COULD JUST RIP THEM OFF!!"

me: "I swear you did..."

Smash: "NO, what I said was, you can twist them until they pop off, but you better make sure you have lots of gauze and peroxide and band aids nearby because they bleed like crazy, and for days (laughing) tell me you didn't just rip if off."

me: "Oh yeah, I did, and then I was laying on the floor of my closet BUCK NAKED AND BLEEDING AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Smash: (LAUGHING!) "O.M.G."

Happy to report the removal of my little appendage has healed nicely, my advice however: "do not pick, scratch, or try to remove skin tags..."

marriage and botox

CONGRATULATIONS GEORGIE!!!!!! So? Was I right about the ring? Very good, right...I got your back, girl. Welcome to our crazy world...

As you can probably guess Georgie is now officially engaged...gettin' hitched to Booya...and while I was planning on being the best man I decided I would gracefully bow out and let Big Brother have the honors. We were gonna duke it out, maybe arm wrestle for it...he has about...oh lets see...a foot and about 100lbs on me, but I'm scrappy, and I knew I could take him...I didn't wanna embarrass him. The words "guest book" got tossed around, still not sure what that's about...seriously guys, CONGRATS!

Yeah, so, anytime you are going through a divorce and someone in your circle is getting married it gets tough. All these emotions come up, and you can't help but think about your own wedding and marriage in general...you want to jump for joy for them and be happy and excited, and yet there you are with a marriage that is ending. I am still trying to deal with and come to terms with my marriage ending...it is NOT a happy time, or in anyway fun and exciting...and as a matter of fact, according to some new study is more stressful and therefore more damaging to your body than staying married or getting widowed. Yeah, some study on aging found that women (only women, apparently) age quicker, and uglier, if they go through a divorce, than if they stay married or lose their spouse.

Hmmmm, so lets see, here are my options: stay in my marriage or kill my husband (which let's face it, staying in the marriage could lead to): look fabulous, young, and appealing to other men...get out of my marriage: end up looking like an old hag and therefore NOT attractive to other men...fabulous...so glad I read that study. Might be high time to start thinkin' about Botox.

Wow, sorry Georgie, I really didn't think I was heading in this direction when I started writing, if my invite to the wedding gets "lost in the mail" I will understand...maybe I'll just go call my dermatologist...make an appointment for some Botox, a little laser treatment or two...oh who am I kidding, just thinking about that needle near my face makes me wanna pass out.

welcome

To those of you new here, and that's most of you, welcome! Don't hesitate to make comments and weigh in, (you can do it anonymously) but be nice...remember these are just the random musings of a mommy...I am not your kid's teacher, your doctor or lawyer, a lawmaker or politician, what I think really doesn't matter in the big ol' scheme of things...enjoy & happy reading!

thanks

I bought myself a ring a while back...it was a big deal for me, it is the first "real" piece of jewelery I have ever bought myself and while it wasn't that expensive it was still a splurge (I bought it before my accident and the subsequent deductible). Also it has meaning, I bought it to replace my wedding band and to remind myself to "love, honor, and cherish" myownself and not wait around for a man to do it. Well the other day I was able to catch up with Mclovin and since we hadn't seen each other since before my purchase I was like "Look! see my ring?" He goes "It looks like you've been tagged." Huh? Well I wear it on my thumb and apparently he thought it made me look like I had been shot with a tranquilizer gun, taken down, and tagged - great...not at all what I was going for...so I go "Yeah, but see it has all this meaning and its..." I noticed his eyes were glazing over and he was slipping into a coma and remembered, duh, he is a GUY...I changed the subject.

Later he asked if I had heard from B2 (actually I hadn't really thought about him, but now that you mention it NO, I haven't, but thanks for the reminder of the humiliation of standing in my closet, buck naked, getting blown off by text, thanks, thanks A LOT...)
me: "Nope."
him: "Oh well, his loss...but if you wanna mess with him you can send him a text...'I'm pregnant, I think you're the father'"
O.M.G. my drink nearly shot out of my nose...
me: (Laughing) "That is awesome!!! Slightly wicked and hilarious at the same time - I love it!"

Ok, so here's the thing...I had a similar exchange with Gigi, only she listened with rapt attention while I went on and on about the ring and then in regards to B2 said something to the effect of "Oh honey, I'm sure he is just busy, I know he really liked you." Which is why of course I like having both male and female friends...the ladies will listen to me yammer and be sweet and lovely and try to build me up...the guys will tell it to me straight, and try to make my drink come out my nose.

In getting ready to take this blog "public" I felt it important to tell all the people I had been writing about all this time that I had a blog, and that they were in it, and that I was gonna tell the world...overwhelmingly the guy response was (AFTER, "OMG you have a blog, you are such a dork! Are there naked pictures?") "Whatever, cool." The ladies were different...some were happy, some were not, but all had A LOT to say about it and all said it passionately, they all took a personal stake in it. Turns out I needed that...I needed to be built up, bolstered, supported and encouraged, and I also needed to be reminded that well in fact, it is just a blog, whatever, and to not take it too seriously.

So, to Smash, Gigi, Mom: thanks for all the love, support, and words of encouragement...to: Booya, Mclovin, & Dude: thanks for keepin' me real.

I luv u guys!

ballet

So I went to the ballet yesterday...lovely. Gotta give props to Carolina Ballet, and while all the dancers are amazing, Margaret Severin-Hansen is AH-MAY-ZIN...Bravo!

Yes, I am a HUGE fan of the ballet...all dance really...something about the grace, coupled with music that is wonderful but not what I normally listen to, just makes for a fantastic experience. I went by myself, which both Mclovin and Booya thought strange (although not strange enough to volunteer to accompany me - tee hee), and I am glad I did. I don't mind going by myself, I actually PREFER to go unaccompanied than to drag along someone who really doesn't care to go. I totally get NOT being into something...I HATE opera, hate it, Mom loves it, if she drug me I would NOT appreciate it and it would be a total waste of money. If I ended up going to the ballet with someone who wasn't into it, I would sit there the whole time wondering if they were enjoying themselves, being worried they weren't, and as a result not have a good time myself.

A perfect case in point...the dude who sat behind me. He obviously got drug by his wife, had no interest in the show, and apparently was also kinda tired because he FELL ASLEEP...yeah, and how do I know that? The snoring...he started SNORING...OMG so annoying and the worse part? The wife didn't wake him up!! I mean granted she was probably thinkin' "oh good, now he won't sit here bitchin' and askin' if we can leave" but for those of us around him - HELLO? Did ya not think we might NOT want to hear a dude snoring?! And, call me cheap, but why waste the money if you don't want to go? I just don't get it.

OK, well it is late and I am fried...usually not on the computer at this hour on Sunday but didn't really get busy until after the big game was over...bet there were no dudes asleep in the stands there...GREAT game btw...Oh and if anyone ever wants to "drag" me to a SuperBowl game, I can guarantee I won't fall asleep.

sure about that?

Anyone who knows me well, knows I drink coffee...lots and lots of coffee. Now normally, I like it iced, and like it better when someone else (preferably someone at Dunkin Donuts) prepares it for me. Monday and Wednesday mornings, as much as I would like to swing through a drive-thru, it just isn't an option, so...I make my coffee at home (and yes it is Dunkin Donuts coffee, hazelnut), pour it over ice, add milk and Splenda, and I am off. Week before last, I was running low on Splenda, so last time I went to the grocery store, I bought some...only they didn't have the regular, apparently there had been a run on it or something, so I bought the kind with fiber in it.

When mom was here at Thanksgiving, she had the fiber stuff with her and every morning made a cup of tea and added it. I asked her at the time if it tasted nasty or made her tea thick and goopy and she said no. So, knowing that fiber is good for me and also knowing that I don't get enough because I prefer foods that are horrible for me, I thought "What the hell? I might as well give it a try." Well as I made that first cup this past Wednesday and added that fiber laden sweetener I remembered a conversation I had with Smash while mom was here.

me: so ya know how you can get fiber and add it to your drinks and stuff, well now they have a Splenda/fiber combo...mom has it, she puts it in her tea every morning, I was thinking about getting some and adding to my coffee in the mornings.

Smash: really...yeah, I dunno if that is a good idea, are you sure about that?

me: yeah, mom says it doesn't taste bad or anything

Smash: not that, I mean, fiber...coffee...I would shit myself before I got out of the driveway...seriously...

me: hmmm, well my driveway isn't as long as yours...

But it was too late...I had already put it in, I didn't have any more coffee made, and if I didn't leave right then I wouldn't make it to work on time. Well, I said, to hell with it, and with every sip I swear all I could think was: I just got my car back, all fixed and clean, and I really don't want to have to tell the Pea we are going to have to switch cars AGAIN.

Happy to report I did NOT shit myself, I don't have to get a new car, and I have a WHOLE box of Splenda with fiber if anyone wants it.

bob meet dad, dad...bob

Got this email FWD and as I read through I thought (while laughing) I guess this is how it would be if I took BOB home for the holidays...

Subject: vibrator

As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

BTW...BOB and I still haven't had a "date," as I am still scared to take him out of the package.

snow day

I have had a fantastic day. It was a snow day...a SNOW DAY!!! Those are rare in this area, and always a fun treat if you can manage to swing the day off work to enjoy it. Well I did manage to swing the day off...I will probably take tomorrow off as well. My already great four day weekend has turned into a mini-vacation.

It has been so much fun playing, really playing, with the Pea...and she always manages to say or do something funny at just the right time. Today the rental car place called me to tell me they needed to switch cars on me (AGAIN!) and I needed to bring in the old one...well it kinda ticked me off, first off I didn't want to venture out in the snow with a bunch of idiots who don't know how to drive in it, and second, I didn't want to have to clear out all my crap. I'm kind of a nester...I practically live out of my car and like to have all possible necessities at my finger tips at all times...cds, napkins, money, lip gloss, extra clothes, pens, paper...you name it...not only that but anyone with children knows that they can't help but nest, in addition to her own cds, napkins, lip gloss and clothes were seashells, crayons, Cheerios and stickers...my god I must have cleared out three dozen stickers. Anyway, knowing that I am going to have to clear all this shit out and not wanting to venture onto the highway I hem and haw and they agree to come to my house with the new car, and since the Pea DID throw up in the old one the other day, I decided a new one might not be a bad idea. Well, I hung up the phone, annoyed, and got ready to head outside to make the exchange.

Pea: "Mommy, what's wrong?"

me: "Oh, nothing Pea, mommy just has to go clean all our stuff out of the car so we can get a new one."

Pea: "Why mommy?"

me: "Honestly sweetie, I dunno, just stay inside and watch Dora, OK?"

Pea: "Mommy, (hands on hips) did you pee in the car AGAIN?"

Kid you not...

bob

Well it has been a pretty good weekend...started off ummm, different...but has turned out rather well. OK, started off with one of my rather well meaning friends deciding to gift me (since I am not getting any REAL man) with a BOB, battery operated boyfriend...yeah...guess I got me a rocket after all.

I got to her house Friday morning and she handed me this, well...gift...and starts laughing her head off cuz apparently I turned about 3 shades of red and had to pick up my chin off the floor. I am not accustomed to such "gifts," I almost dropped it cuz it scared me. This thing is FRIGHTENING...not ONLY is it quite a bit larger than most of the penises I have run across but it has...how should I say this...ummmm...appendages? I am a little bit scared of the uncircumcised, and that is a little extra that is SUPPOSED to be there...BOB has things protruding that are just ridiculous...and as far as I can tell (although I haven't worked up the courage to take it out of the packaging) there are no instructions. Not only that, but it was rather expensive, the Mercedes of BOBs, and it didn't come with a gift receipt so it's not like I can exchange it for something else...crotchless panties perhaps?...at least those I would know what to do with. O.M.G.

Ok, so with BOB tucked away in a far corner of the closet, well out of reach of the Pea, and ME for that matter, the weekend moved forward. The Pea and I spent some quality time hangin' at the mall and snuggling on the couch AND I managed to get the Christmas tree down - FINALLY. The Pea has been a doll this weekend, she really is a little girl now, not a baby, and she is fun to hang with. Not only that, she will let me have some time to myself and entertain herself, which is quite new and exciting for me. I was able to get a long, hot shower this morning with no repercussions...usually I either have to race out of there cuz she is harassing and calling me, or I emerge to find some ridiculous mess that I could have never imagined.

Of course, right now my whole house is a ridiculous mess, so if she made one I might not even notice it...I wonder if there is any way I could teach BOB to clean? Hmmmm, now THAT would be a turn on.

kids say the darndest things

Last night the Pea and I watched the movie Curious George...I could fill you in on the ENTIRE movie, since I had to watch it seven times (which is six more times than anyone over the age of seven should be subjected to), but I won't...you're welcome. The ending, however, I will tell you, because it is the reason for the following exchange with the Pea...after "saving the day," and much chaos, George, quite by accident, heads off in a rocket.

her: "Mommy, me like the rocket, me need a rocket!"
me: "You want a rocket huh? Wow, I don't know about that."
her: "Yes mommy, me need a rocket."
me: "Well baby, I don't have one, wouldn't know where to get one, so I guess that means no, sorry."
her: "You DO mommy! You HAVE a rocket!"
me: "I do?! Really? I don't think so honey, I don't have a rocket."
her: "YES MOMMY!! You have a rocket IN YOUR BOX!"
me: (laughing out loud) "If ONLY mommy had a rocket in her box..."

Mommy would be in a much better mood...

much better. ;)

peeing in cars

The Pea thinks I peed in the car and that's why we had to get a new one...Friday, when my gfriend came to pick us up and take us to get the rental, the first words out of the Pea's mouth were, "mommy peed in the car" at the time I was like "WHAT? huh?"...yesterday afternoon I finally figured it out (I'm quick like that)...I told her I "had an accident" and well in her world that means I pissed myself and by adding the "in the car" well, that means I did it in the car...tee hee.

So yeah, I had an accident, and it was all my fault, and if that isn't a big fat wake up call I don't know what is...see I had been in a funk, feeling sorry for myself, driving distracted and wham! I guess it is time to make some changes...I guess it is time to grow up, and get over myself and stop being distracted. I am a big fan of "living in the moment" enjoying the present, not dwelling in the past or dreaming of the future, and yet while a fan, I have yet to become a TRUE convert. Oh, I have my days, where I am all happy and glorious and able to enjoy every moment, but it's not often, and there I was, driving down the road, lost in a thought, not paying attention, NOT living in the moment, and now I am gonna pay for it...I am damn lucky I didn't hurt myself, or anyone else.

I tried to take down the Christmas tree this morning and the Pea LOST HER MIND...she did not want it taken down and could not understand why it had to be (I hope to get it done tonight after she goes to bed). She kept asking "Why? Why mommy, why?"...all I could think to say was "I don't want to be one of those tacky, crazy ladies who keeps a tree up all year long." I didn't say it to be funny, but she laughed and said "You tacky mommy, you funny!" I don't want to be tacky! Funny, yes...tacky, crazy? NO!! What is this life of mine coming to? Alone, exhausted, distracted, and now tacky too? I can't have that! Yikes...

Hmm, well at least I made it through the day without pissing in the rental.

good day

My day got off to a good start. While driving into work this morning I decided to listen to the radio instead of a cd...I didn't ever get to the library over the weekend to check out a new audio book and I have been listening to the same music CD over and over. Well, almost immediately after turning it on, they did a contest for movie tickets...most of the time, unless it is something really good, I don't even bother, but I happened to have my phone in my hand so I dialed...it rang twice and then they were asking my name and telling me I had won. OK, so it isn't the lotto, but it's always fun to win stuff and now I can go see a movie. Bonus, with the movie free I can actually afford to buy a soda and some popcorn.

I almost didn't come to work this morning...been feeling a little blah, fighting off a cold, and when the alarm went off I DID NOT want to get out of bed...now I am kinda glad I didn't burn a sick day. Now, that I am here and have had two coffees, I feel fine...I may actually get some work done. Before I go though just gotta share: I got a laugh this morning from the "bonehead of the day." Apparently some dipshit in Massachusetts decided a blowtorch would be the perfect tool for ridding his back porch of ice...see for yourself: http://bonehead.oddballs.com/BlowTorch.html. Smash, I thought you would get a kick out of this, since you run across Massholes like him regularly...all I can say is: that guy is wicked retahded.

Ok, that's all I got...

adventures in dating

Well my first venture into the whole single, dating scene in hmmm, lets see...14 yrs...was a bust. I met B2 out a few months ago, Gigi introduced us, gave him my number...he asked me if I wanted to get together then and I balked, no not just balked, FREAKED OUT...fast forward to my birthday, out with Gigi again and I see him, we hang some, I start to think, well maybe I CAN do this whole single girl thing after all...a few texts, a few emails, finally we decide on lunch. The plan was he would call me in the a.m. let me know where we were headed and what time.

Ok, so it's 11:30, no call yet and I'm starting to get a little nervous...I call him, no answer, I leave a message to the effect of "hey, standin' in my closet wonderin' what I should wear, since I don't know where we are going, gimme a call." Two minutes later, a text...he is stuck out of town and wants a raincheck. A TEXT, dude, if you are gonna cancel have the f*cking decency to call...and the worse part is, I haven't heard from him since. One would think there would be a text, email or a call once he got back to town...nope.

WTF!!?? Seriously? So the gut says he hooked up the night before, she was still there when I called, and now he is no longer interested...NO PROBLEM, but have the balls to pick up the phone. In all honesty, I knew this guy wasn't soul mate material, but I figured it would be a good way to get my feet wet, put myself out there, and have fun...not so much. If this is how guys are these days, NO THANKS. I know I am a little rusty, and I don't know how to "play the game," but the last (and if memory serves, only "real") date I went on, we both knew about 10 minutes in would never amount to anything...difference is: he was NICE, called me the next day, and even now recounts the story of our ill fated date with a laugh whenever we see each other. Has that much changed in 15 years?

happy new year!

Wow...so it has been a wicked long time since I wrote last...so much has happened. The trip up north to see Smash and the boys and the rest of the family was GREAT...we had so much fun, the Pea got to see, and play in, the snow and I got my batteries recharged. There are a few places I go to recharge, regroup, and bolster myself and that is one of them...NYC and the beach are the others...something about the energy and the ability to be anonymous. No one knows me up there, I don't feel like I have to DO anything or be anywhere, and it is beautiful...anyway.

I was supposed to come home New Year's Eve...I had planned to get in about 11:30pm, my hope was that I would be so busy trying to get off the plane and get a cab and the Pea would be so cranky that the LAST thing on my mind would be the fact that I was ringing in the new year alone and with no one to kiss. Well...best laid plans...mother nature decided I was NOT getting home and dumped over a foot of snow on the airport that day. At first I was bummed, my plans were screwed up, I wouldn't have a day to rest before going back to work, and my sister would have to change her plans and babysit me...as the night wore on though, I realized that the snowstorm was an unexpected blessing...everything worked out even better than planned.

There is a saying that whatever you are doing as you ring in the new year is how you will you spend the rest of your year. Well for the most part that has been true for me...years I spent ringing in the new year at home, mellow, the year pretty much was as well...years there was chaos and drama as the ball dropped, well chaos and drama the whole year through...last year I was writing in my journal, alone in the guest room of my house, my life and marriage a mess. Well, as the year wore on, it became clear that I would spend the year alone, writing to help me cope, and yes, my life and marriage a mess. This year, much to my surprise, I ushered in the new year laughing, happy and with the people I love the most.

I can only hope the rest of my year is spent much the same...filled with unexpected blessings, laughter, love and happiness.

Happy New Year!