10 things

Smash and J are getting married in less than two weeks...it is wedding (crazy) central over at The Frisky...Booya and Georgie are knee deep in the planning and the invites are scheduled to go out soon. Given that my marriage is nearing an early demise, I can't help cringe a little at all the wedding talk. Don't get me wrong, I am not jaded or bitter, I don't think marriage should be abolished, I still believe it can work, and when it does it is awesome, but for cryin' out loud people: it ain't about the wedding!!! The wedding is ONE day...ONE, in a (hopefully) lifetime of days.

Smash and J are doing it right (in my opinion)...on the beach, with no fanfare, with only the few people that will be impacted in some way by the marriage (them, parents, children, me-ok, I'm really not impacted I just want to be there cuz I love them both, and someone has to wrangle the kids) and then BBQ. Nothin' wrong with a big fancy wedding if you can afford it, and I "get" the concept of sharing with all your friends and family, but far too often I see brides (cuz face it, very rarely is it a groom that gets pissed becuz the linens are cream not ecru) get so wrapped up in what's NOT important, that they forget what IS.

I was guilty of this myself, and despite KNOWING in my gut I didn't want to get married I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the wedding and all it entailed. In my case, doing all the planning myself and micromanaging every detail allowed me to get lost in wedding happy land and stomp down my true feelings when what I should have done is taken a step back, and thought about what would come after the big day...I wonder: if the whole wedding industry suddenly went away and it wasn't "cool" to have a wedding, the concept of an engagement ring didn't exist, married tax breaks went away, and the only way to tell a married someone from an unmarried someone was by a plain gold band and their level of commitment to their spouse, if less people would enter into it, and if those that did would have a better than 50% chance of making it? Something to ponder...

In light of all this I thought I would re-run part of an old post..it was one I ran back when Smash and J were starting to consider marriage and whether or not being together forever was something they both wanted. I thought it was worth re-running because I have been reading wedding lists all week and thought a better list would be one about the relationship instead...

mr/mrs right?

1. You absolutely know he/she wants you as much as you want them. If it's right, your feelings of love are reciprocal and mutual and not one-sided.

2. He/she walks into a room, and you just have to smile. You can't help it! And when you look at him/her, he/she's smiling at you.

3. You do kind and sweet things for each other just because you want to and not because you feel you have to. Doing them makes you both feel good -- and special.

4. You are very secure in the relationship. There is no need for jealousy or suspicion. This is a drama-free zone. No one plays games or secretly tests the other.

5. He/she likes you for who you are and doesn't want to change you. Not only does he/she not make you feel bad about yourself, but also he boosts your self-esteem.

6. Life isn't perfect. You've had your ups and downs, but through it all, you have remained together with the relationship unshaken.

7. He/she has good friends, and you like who they are when they spend time with them.

8. He/she does not try to have power over you. There are absolutely no mind games or power plays in the relationship.

9. He/she doesn't pressure you to do things you don't want to do.

10. The religious and personal beliefs, life goals and interests that make you different don't push you apart.

...this list is not the end all, that's for sure, but if you can't say yes to most of them, should you even be thinking about the "10 Best Locations For A Destination Wedding" or "10 Must-Haves For Your Wedding Day"...no matter how great the wedding is, if in 2, 5, or 10 years you are signing divorce papers, it just won't matter.