flinging poo

Yesterday, as I was driving home from picking up the Pea, I came up behind a white pick-up truck.  This was a nice looking truck, not a beat up work truck.  It had some black vinyl letters across the back of the tail gate, in a fancy script, that as I got closer I was able to read. 

"No Flinging Poo"

At first I laughed, but then I was kind of perplexed, it got me thinking.

The owner of this vehicle went to some lengths to put this on the truck.  This wasn't a "wash me" written in the dirt, or a bumper sticker.  These were cut vinyl, which I know, from my brief stint working at a sign shop, take some effort, planning, and money.  WHY?

We live in a fairly rural area in NC, but NEVER in all my years here have I ever encountered any one flinging poo.  Matter of fact the only time I have ever witnessed it at all was in the monkey habitat at the zoo, and as far as I know, monkeys can't read, so making a sign would be a waste of time.

Was this some sort of metaphor or inside joke? 

I dunno...but I thought I would share...and in case any of you have encountered so much flinging of poo that you felt you needed a sign, on your vehicle, in big, bold, black, letters I feel for ya...I'm sorry.  I must live a rather blessed life cuz I have just never felt the need.

good morning! good morning! good morning!

So I started my morning, after I smooched The Boy (yes, we have progressed to smooching) and had some coffee, by reading this:    http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/how-to-start-your-morning-5-tips-to-create-more-energy-and-confidence/#more-6710  and while I didn't actually DO any of the things he suggested, it did get me kind of fired up to start the day, and write, and even though it hasn't lead to much writing, I must say I LOVE my new writing area.  It is in a corner of my bedroom (which is on the second story of my house) in front of a window.  The other night it was nice and cozy, with my little lamp on, and all my cool stuff surrounding me, but today it is much more fun.  As I type I can look out the window and spy on see my neighbors in their yards, watch the kids play, and see all the trees, which are starting to change color. 

It is an absolutely gorgeous day.  Perfect fall weather, and I love fall.  The only thing that could make this moment any better is a pumpkin doughnut.  I have a nice steamy cup of coffee, but a doughnut would do nicely right about now.

The Pea is with her dad, and my plan for the day is to finish the project I started about a million years ago, the clearing out and organizing of my house.  I got a good jump start on the remnants that I had stashed in the guest bedroom last week when I was forced to clear out the room so my Aunt could sleep in it, and now I am finally tackling it.  Well, I'm GOING to tackle it, as soon as I get off the computer...and run to Dunkin Donuts...and Target...and...

Well, I will let you know how it goes.

arrrgghh

Wow...it has been a whole week.  A lot has happened.  Nothing earth shattering or terribly exciting, but lots of little things that kept me busy (and off the computer).  I had visitors this weekend, family from up north, which was awesome.  The Pea very much enjoyed having other adults to entertain (it helped they brought gifts) and interact with.  I had another few dates with The Boy.  I had to spend a day out of town at a class for work.  The Pea had an open house at her school.  I was finally able to catch up with Dude...and now that I am typing it, it all seems way less busy than it did at the time.  Somehow a whole week flew by and yet in just a few sentences I have recapped.

Huh...well then.

One of the things I did last week was make myself a fancy new writing area in my bedroom, complete with a desk, chair, lamp, and assorted "inspirational" items (like my "bitter with baggage seeks same" sign, and "where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?" coaster) and now I have writers block.  Maybe I should have just stuck with sitting in bed with my laptop on my lap?

Maybe gearing up for Halloween next week will result in something good to share (I actually bought stuff to decorate the house and the Pea and I are going to be pirates!).  Until then...a little look back...hopefully we don't end up with the littlest pissed off pirate that ever there was.

Monday, November 2, 2009

pissedoffedness

I started Halloween by getting yelled at in the parking lot of a Dunkin Donuts by a woman with no teeth. Well, ok, she had SOME teeth, just not the ones in the front. Not sure exactly why she was yelling at me either, something to the effect of "I'll be out of your way in a minute, damn!" and as far as I was concerned she wasn't even in my way. I was minding my own business, trying to get the Pea out of her car seat and she was getting out of her car next to me...anyway, I went home and flossed...then brushed...then flossed again. I couldn't eat any candy after that either cuz all I could think of was that scary woman yelling at me and me just wanting her to shut her mouth. Of course, I would prolly be in general pissed off all the time if I had no teeth.

Speakin' of pissed off, the Pea ended up being the teeny tiniest most pissed off pumpkin that ever was, later that night. The Pea was a pumpkin for Halloween, and for some reason, a rather irritated one. She wanted to head out about 4pm and when I wouldn't let her she got pissed and stayed that way, there were a few bright spots through the night, but an overall air of pissedoffedness, that coming from less than 30lbs of baby girl, was just plain funny. Dancergirl and her little guy came over, we all had dinner together and then we set out for trick or treating. After a few houses the Pea decided she was done and headed for home, leaving the three of us stunned, and then me running after her. When we got home I thought she would enjoy handing out candy. Instead, whenever someone came to the house she rolled her eyes, stomped to the front door, pointed to the bowl, said "it's right there!" and then left them, a bit stunned, and stomped back to her perch on a bar stool in the kitchen, where she scowled at me while I talked on the phone to Smash.

Sunday was a lazy day for the most part, although we did head to Betty's for the afternoon game and dinner. Luckily by then the Pea was back to her usual happy self, and we had a nice night. This morning I have been fighting to stay motivated to do anything other than go back to bed...I do have to go assemble goodie bags for the Pea's birthday party, and now that I think about it will go do, and since I don't have anything more to report, or anything all that interesting, I will leave you with last years post about goodie boxes... http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/its-all-about-boxes.html

and then I will go floss again...just for good measure.

tonight

I am so over the ridiculous Outrageous emails.  I like the concept, but they are just tedious and boring.  I DO, however, really like the website http://www.pickthebrain.com/ that I got the whole outrageous email thing from so I will continue to check it.  One of the essays on the site today was "If the world ended tomorrow, what would you do tonight?"

Something to think about.

Obviously for the sake of the exercise you actually KNOW it is going to end, because if you didn't you would do exactly what you do any other night and not give it a second thought, but there are plenty of people whose worlds have ended, usually by accident, but sometimes because of a freak medical thing, the day after an ordinary day.  So I guess what may be a more important question (cuz lets face it, if we knew there was an asteroid or something headed our way it would be chaos and I for one would be hunkered down in my house, hopefully surrounded by people I loved, looking at old photos, drinking heavily, and squeezing my kid) is: do you end every day at peace with the fact that it may have been your last?

Do the people you love know you love them?  Were you kind and thoughtful or is there someone out there whom you owe an apology? Have you accomplished enough in this life to let yourself be happy right here, right now?  I think it is safe to say all of us wish we could do more, have more, live more, see more, experience more, and love more, and God willing we will, but what if we don't get that luxury?

I know I could be a better parent, a better friend, a better employee, I could keep my house cleaner (a monkey could keep my house cleaner than I do), I could be in better shape and be more fashionable, but I'm happy just the way I am, and most days I do the best I can with what I have that day.  Some days I feel like superwoman and my house is clean, my kid clean, I look and feel great...other days I'm happy to make it to work with pants on and remember to brush my hair, but EVERY DAY my kid feels loved, and I feel lucky.

Tonight all I could muster for dinner was macaroni and cheese, the Pea didn't get a bath, my house is trashed, and I didn't finish the project I'm working on at work...I DID, however, talk to Smash and tell her I love her, go to yoga, and tuck my kiddo into bed, where she promptly fell asleep because she felt safe, secure, and loved...If the world ended tomorrow, I'm ok with what I did tonight. 

pissed

Yesterday's "outrageous" email was "Do you like to party?" uhm, do fish live in water?  What is your point?  Well, as she went on to explain, life should be all about partying.  Not real parties, which involve booze and debauchery, but rather, little celebrations of all your successes, even the little ones.  Ok, live life to the fullest, enjoy it, I got it...and then she somehow switched gears, made a crazy right hand turn, and next thing I know she is talking about language and how using positive versus negative can impact your perception.  Wha? Seems to me two different concepts and by smashing them together you have just overloaded my brain and pissed me off...which, coincidentally brings me to the title of today's email "OMG, I am so pissed..."  Oooh, yay, maybe a little less hokey.  Nope, not so much...matter of fact, so much hokeyness (pretty sure that is not a word, whatever) that instead of trying to regurgitate for you her point (which she took so damn long to get to that I really WAS pissed by the end) I am just going to list a few things that piss me off.

For starters, long rambling emails that talk in circles and use lots of BOLD and CAPITAL and EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!! and end up stating a point or concept that could be far better received with a few, well said, words or phrases.

School fundraisers.  Yup, the Pea came home with her first, of I'm sure a zillion, pamphlets filled with overpriced crap that guilt you into buying (because if you don't, you are a bad parent and OBVIOUSLY don't value education) and get your kid all excited about the possibility of winning some jack-ass toy or prize.  I could go to Walmart (and we know how much I love going there) buy both the thing they are selling and the stupid prize she could win if she sells a zillion dollars worth, AND give the school the $20 they will make is she does sell a zillion, and we would all be better off.  Hate 'em.

Food that is no where near healthy, not even close, that is marketed towards kids and labeled in a way that makes it SEEM healthy.  For instance, Fruit Loops NOW have whole grains and fiber...therefor are a part of a nutritious breakfast.  Bull.  Shit.  The amount of sugar in a single fruit loop is enough to induce a diabetic coma and the amount of fiber is negligible, and sorry, no, having a whole grain or two in the mix doesn't mean it's good for you.  Oh, and another one: "All natural" just because it is natural does not mean it is a good idea to put it in your body...cocaine is natural...arsenic and bleach are too.

I'll end my little rant with this one: Dunkin Donuts that don't sell doughnuts...I can't begin to explain how much this pisses me off.  I'm sorry but if you have DONUT in your name you MUST SELL DOUGHNUTS.  I realize that the whole "America Runs on Dunkin" is about marketing your coffee, and you make more money off selling coffee than you do selling little crack cakes, but when I am craving a pumpkin doughnut, and I see a very recognizable sign that indicates there are going to be those little pieces of heaven inside, and I pull off the road, park my car, walk inside and find ONLY... coffee...well.  They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but I say "hell hath no fury like me, when I want a damn doughnut."

outrageous

The one great thing that came out of the Break-Up Guide was: it got me writing.  Every day it gave me something to think about, write about, and DO.  I have started another 30 day "guide" in hopes that it too will get me thinking, and get me writing.

I stumbled on this website (and this is the page that today's email directed me to):  http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/do-one-outrageous-thing-this-weekend-youll-feel-great/  and at the bottom came a pop up to subscribe to 30 days toward outrageous thinking, so I did.  So far the emails have been a little hokey, but the message is good, and I am on board.  The "assignment" this weekend is to do ONE thing for someone else...one act of kindness...to quote the email:

You don't have to save the world to do your part. One kind word or even a smile goes a long way. (It doesn't even have to be someone you "know")

Pay attention to the people you meet this week. Be aware of all the opportunities you have to put out just a little more love than you do normally.

I am also gonna share a little quote that I like, that I sometimes read to myself when I am feeling like I am not doing what it is I should be in this life...when I am feeling like a failure, or like I am not good enough...when someone else's accomplishment makes me sad for myself instead of happy for them...when I need to remind myself that success is relative, and comes in many ways:

To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch...to know even ONE life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded. - Emerson

So join me, on this little journey, and who knows, maybe in 30 days we will all be changed for the better...OR we will all be bored to death and I will start another 30 day guide, with each day being a link to a better, funnier blog.

moving on

The Break Up Guide has disappeared off of the Frisky. I’m not sure if they are having technical difficulties or they just decided it was old news and have moved on, but I can’t get to it, so I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing. I THINK it is watch a movie with a kick ass female role. Yesterday was Call Your Dad. The only other ones I remember are: Masturbate and Move On.

I think I will just lump all of them together and consider this the last day. I don’t know that I will have time to watch a movie, but I AM going to go watch a senior cheerleading competition tonight. I think watching real women, over the age of 55, get out there and compete, in of all things cheerleading, is pretty kick ass…then I will find BOB…then I will go to bed, and start fresh tomorrow.

I have washed my hands of the old relationship and I am ready to move on. I MAY be moving on with The Boy, but I won’t be going BACK. The relationship I ended almost a month ago is done, and it’s for the best. If we can start over, be better people, and better to each other, than great, but neither one of us wants to just settle back into old routines, or old habits.

Over the last month I have established, and stuck to, a really good routine with the Pea, and we both have benefited. I have started taking yoga again and am feeling strong and grounded. I have stopped worrying so much, started writing more, and am laughing again (both at myself, and this crazy world I live in) and if it took my relationship imploding to force me to do all that, than it obviously needed to happen.

Where I go from here is anyone’s guess, but I’m excited to see how it unfolds, and will keep you all posted.

a squirrel, a bat, and a crack pipe

Well yesterday was fix something, and today was cook dinner...I did neither.  There is a part of me completely over the whole break-up guide and keeping it going is just giving me one more thing to do on my way too long to do list.  There is another part of me that feels like I need to keep on keepin' on, because I need to force some space between me and The Boy.  We have been talking a lot lately, spending some time together, and talking about a future back together.  Everyone, except us, seems to be against the idea, so I am trying hard to take a step back and make sure that if I jump back in it is because it is the right thing to do, and not because I am lonely [horny] or feeling fat [old] and scared of dying alone with a hundred cats.

So switching gears a bit...squirrel!  Did ya read the story about the kindergartner who brought a crack pipe and some meth to school for show and tell?  Guess mama didn't read the 2 page rule sheet that got sent home regarding show and tell...silly woman.  Thought I would re-run this oldie...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

rabid bats

So you know those news headlines that pop up when you sign online? You can click on them to read the whole story...well this morning one of them caught my eye "Mom brings rabid bat to school." I read the story...turns out mom decided a dead rabid bat would be the perfect thing to bring in for show and tell...why of course! Long story short all 90 kids who touched the damn thing have to get a rabies series at a cost - to the school - of $70k...ooopsie. Got me thinkin'...what else should one NOT bring in to school for show and tell...you would think these would be common sense, but then again...

Dead rabid bunnies, dogs, cats, mice...oh you name it, pretty much any dead animal, probably not a good idea...come to think of it, LIVE rabid animals also NOT a good idea.

Poisonous snakes, like rattlers, copperheads, water moccasins, coral snakes...poisonous spiders too, especially in open containers, those little suckers tend to be quick and can get away from you before you know it.

Shotguns, pistols...weapons in general, although you might could get away with a stun gun...flame throwers and anti-aircraft missiles are especially cumbersome and would just be a pain.

Chemicals, nuclear waste, toxic/hazardous materials...these have to be marked and identified in very specific ways which is just a drag AND they can be stinky and messy...kids tend to be stinky and messy enough on their own.

Think that covers most of the biggies, OH, and razor blades, broken glass, heroin, porn...well you can bring the porn, but only for the teachers.

ladies day out

Day 15: Host a Ladies Only Night. 

Does going out to eat with my kiddo, who is a little lady, and then crashing at 9pm count?  Cuz that is what I did last night.  We got up nice and early this morning though and cruised into Washington, scored a killer parking spot right in front of the Museum of Natural History, and spent the first part of the day wandering.  Just as I wanted to, I let the Pea take charge, take pictures, and lead the way.  Yes, we did a lot of backtracking; yes, we missed some of the exhibits; yes, the cafe served wine, but turned out I didn't need it...I rather enjoyed our little adventure.

Here are some of her pictures:

Took her a few to get the hang of it, but I think she did pretty good.  I didn't include the 20 or so of me driving, the 15 or so fuzzy dark ones of what I am not sure, or the 3 of my butt.

Today is supposed to be sign up for a class.  I don't think I need to spend any more time away from the Pea than I already do, so not gonna, BUT, I will be taking a yoga class every week now, so let's just count that and move on.

lessons

A few lessons for the day:

1) Feel your boobies, then get someone else to feel your boobies.  I missed a lump, luckily, during my annual grope and feel (aka annual exam), my doctor found it.  Now I get to go get a squish and flatten (aka mammogram) which I am not looking forward to, but is obviously necessary.  I, clearly, was not thorough enough, because as soon as she felt it, I did too, but somehow yesterday, I missed it...I suspect I am not the only one who has done this, so I guess it is safe to say you can't have too many people feeling your boobies.

2) Chatting up little girls is really quite fun.  This was my assignment for the day via the Frisky and since I have the pleasure of chatting up the Pea on a regular basis I tried to change things up a bit and ask questions I normally wouldn't have, and listen better than I normally do.  She is a riot.  We did a lot of driving today and for most of it she talked.  I found out you can keep a cow in a cardboard box, as long as it is in the back of a pick-up truck; pink is the best color, even though it isn't in the rainbow; you can't have flowers or rainbows without rain, and umbrellas are fun, so rainy days are AWESOME (I won't ever bitch about the rain again); powdered doughnuts, because they are messier, are better than pumpkin doughnuts (I disagree); doctor's offices are fun (again, I disagree) and we need to have more adventures (on this one I agree, wholeheartedly).

3) Sometimes just hearing about someone else's job makes you LOVE yours.  I don't make a lot of money, I don't have any prestige, I am not using my degree, and I don't cure or save people.  I am OK with it...why?  Because I have ZERO stress, the people I work with appreciate me (or at least seem too), I make enough money that I am comfortable, and most importantly: it affords me the time I need to take care of myself and the Pea.  Do I wish I was independently wealthy and could be at home all day every day? YES, however, as far as jobs go, since I do need one, I can't complain.

The Pea and I are going on an adventure this weekend...remember how I said we were going to the museum?  Well, why go to the local one when you can go to The Smithsonian?  Baby girl wants adventure, Mama wants out of town, Booya to the rescue.  He needs a ride to Virginia, I have a car, why the hell not?

12 & 13

Day 12: Embrace your inner girly girl

The Frisky suggests doing this by wearing pink.  Ok, well, yesterday was day 12, and I forgot to wear pink; I decided to change day 12 to "Embrace your girly GIRLS" and give myself an exam.  I have been rather slack about feeling my boobies lately, and with October approaching, and the whole pink thing, I think it fits the bill.  No lumps, whew, but to all you reading: FEEL YOUR BOOBIES...and while you are at it, take a look at your skin too.  Skin cancer is the most common cancer in the US...breast cancer is the most common among women, and while lung cancer is the most deadly, there isn't a self exam for that one.

Day 13: Write a letter to your best friend.

If I rally and get off this computer I will write Smash, if I don't, I will do it over the weekend. I wanted to quote the Frisky on this one though, because I couldn't have said it better:

Buy an actual stamp, and put the addressed envelope into an actual mailbox. You’ll be bawling into five separate Kleenexes by the end of this exercise, but you’ll also have a handle on the ingredients for the glue that holds a good relationship together. Gentleness. Trust. Unconditional love. Honesty. Forgiveness...Why expect less out of your lover than you do a best friend? Sit with that thought for a moment.

It took Smash and I awhile to develop the relationship we do now.  There was some trial and error, a few hiccups along the way, but now we have a fantastic relationship, and it does indeed have those 5 ingedients.

The Boy and I have been talking some, and despite having said initially I would NEVER give him another chance, there is a voice inside my head saying "never say never."  I will take the above to heart as we proceed forward, starting with forgiveness, working on the gentleness and trust, and not accepting anything other than honesty and unconditional love.

pixie dust

Start a “Go to Hell” Fund

A “go to hell” fund (as often referenced in the personal finance blogosphere) is a nice nest egg of quick cash that’s at your disposal in case you want to, for example, quit a job you hate, get out of a terrible roommate situation, or relocate due to a relationship gone bad (ahem). It’s also known as a “freedom fund”—freedom to leave a situation if you need to or escape anyone who’s screwing you over. Having four to six months’ worth of living expenses at your disposal is ideal.

Welllll, lucky for me, after going through a yucko divorce and AT THE SAME TIME yucko job loss (that was NOT a good year) and depleting all my funds and feeling completely helpless, the very FIRST thing I did when I got back on my feet was start a savings account and start drafting money into that account every other week.  My "go to hell fund" is actually pretty fat right now, or rather, it WAS...tee hee.  Why go to hell when you can go to the happiest place on earth?  That's right...using the fund to go to Disney...every year until the Pea refuses to go along.  Disney is now a line item in my budget and I intend to keep it that way.  I know the mouse doesn't need my money, but I need the magic, and I need something to look forward to.  The Pea and I also need a tradition.  Since holidays are split with DH and alternate from year to year, and we don't have a family lake house or anything that we go to, we need something.  Traditions are important, they are comforting, and they make you feel like a kid again when you get older.

I don't need to fund my freedom, I already have it (and I paid for it, in full) what I need is happy memories, time with my kiddo, and a little bit of pixie dust...and like freedom, pixie dust aint cheap.  

perspective

 day 10: Stop watching crap reality TV and change your perspective by taking in some art.

Well, all good in theory, and I DO have my TV off, even though I REEEAAAALY want to watch that episode of The Real Housewives that is in my DVR, but the art museum here is open from 10-5...what am I doing from 10-5?  Working.  Yeah, I would love to scamper off to a museum and chill a bit while looking at great art...

pause for a sec to look at one of my favorite pieces:

...but I can't, because baby girl needs shoes, and clothes, and a roof over her head, and food, and trips to Disney World, and I couldn't exactly provide all that if I were hanging out in museums instead of at my desk.  So what's a girl to do?  Nothing.  Nothing today anyway, but I think I have a plan for Saturday now.  The Pea and I are going to go to the museum, and I am going to challenge myself to follow her lead, and see it from HER perspective. 

I have a tendency of planning everything I do for the sake of efficiency.  If I go anywhere...the mall, Target, a museum, a theme park...I am essentially on a mission.  I hate backtracking, I always go counterclockwise, and I hussle, I move fast.  If she wants to backtrack, we will backtrack...if she wants to go clockwise, well then we will...and if she wants to stop to look at a tree and completely ignore the sculpture standing next to it, well then that is what we will do.  I will get out of my comfort zone of structure, I will NOT look at the map, I will bite my lip when I want to say "hurry up" and I will NOT get anxious when it becomes clear that we will not be seeing everything...I will enjoy the day, and just being there...I will, I really will *fingers crossed*...I sure hope they serve wine in the cafe. 

books

Well, last night was fun...the weather, which was kinda crappy, and my nose, which was kinda stuffy, prevented me from having a bang up good time, but it was good to get out, hang with good people, and have a few beers.  I'm not doing much of anything today, even though my house needs attention and my clothes need washing.  Today I am going to stay in bed and read...just so happens today is day 9 and day 9 is read a book you loved as a little girl.

The Frisky suggests going to the library and finding a book you loved as a kid and re-reading it.  It is Sunday, so the Library is closed, and I'm not much up for heading out to a bookstore, so I grabbed a few books out of my bookcase.

Here are my choices, you can click on the titles for a link to Amazon.

Oh, The Places You'll Go

The Blue Day Book

Lulu Atlantis And The Quest For True Blue Love

stuffy

Day 8 update...

Didn't find a dress, or a cute top, or anything that screams "look at me!" but I did have a nice lunch and got SexyLegs all caught up.

I think I am coming down with a cold, which given that I have been stressed out and not eating is not surprising, BUT sure does SUCK. 

I am going out tonight, and I AM going to have fun...stuffy nose be damned.  Hmmm, who knows what goes in a hot toddy and more importantly, can I put it in a wine glass?

day 8

Alrighty...the box is packed and stuffed in the guest bedroom.  There was surprisingly little to pack away given that we were together almost two years...just another reminder of how NOT invested we really were.

Today is day 8:  go out and buy a "look at me" dress.

As soon as I can get off this computer, I am going to get ready.  I'm meeting SexyLegs for lunch and then we are going shopping; I'm gonna buy something that looks fabulous on me.  I'm excited.

the box

Get a box, any box, and box up his crap.

It has been a very long, very busy day, and on top of the craziness at work I had the every other Friday three hour drive to take the Pea to her dad.  Not only is it long and tiring, but letting her go bums me out...I just got home and ALL I want to do is crawl into bed with a glass of wine.  The LAST thing I want to do is start going around the house looking for HIS stuff and boxing it up.  The few things he has here (random toiletries, a toothbrush, a razor, some clothes) have become part of the background and I don't really see them anymore...actively seeking them out, touching them, smelling them (yeah, I'm one of those people that smells everything) will just make me think about him more, just think about all that we COULD have been, all the times he let me down, etc. etc. and I will just get sad. 

Right now sad is not an option.

Tomorrow, when I have more energy, it will be another story.  Tomorrow, it's all about the box.

day 6

Day 6 was go grocery shopping...well, I didn't, and then I had technical difficulties trying to get signed into blogger last night so instead of writing about grocery shopping, I drank a glass of wine and went to bed.  Here is day 6 from last time...

Monday, July 6, 2009

single shopping

Day 6: Congratulations: You’ve got your fridge back. Go Grocery Shopping, you’re single now, and you can buy what you want.

I think this is great...one of the things I LOVE about being single is having my fridge to myself. I don't have to "meal plan" or keep certain things stocked...no one ever complains that the box of wine takes up too much room, I buy what I want, when I want, and since I have been out on my own I have NEVER once heard the phrase "we don't have anything good to eat" uttered in my house. I especially love that I don't have to remember "his" bread or "his" peanut butter or "his" milk anymore, cuz the Pea and I BOTH eat wheat, all natural creamy with honey, and organic 2%, so there is no double stocking of anything.

In addition to having my fridge back, some other things that I am glad I no longer have to share: The toilet...boys are gross, boys miss, boys make messes and don't clean them up, it blows my mind that I don't have to scrub the toilet every week like I used to, and it is great. I was lucky enough that I never had to share my sink with DH, but now I have 2 all to myself...LOVE IT. The garage...it is all mine, mine, mine, mine...just for my little car and all my crap...if I want to leave the stroller, and my golf clubs, and the dirty laundry, by the door, I can, and no one complains.

So, I told Booya to go out shopping, not just grocery, but clothes, or tools, or whatever strikes his man fancy, buy some stuff that she would think gross, or roll her eyes at, and last I heard he was headed out...should be interesting

planning

Today, you’re going to plan to get the hell out of Dodge.

Roger, that. 

I have no problem planning a trip.  I plan trips all the damn time.  I spend more time planning vacations than I actually spend ON vacation.  As you know, I am planning a trip to Disney World, and there are spreadsheets, and revisions, and more revisions, and back-up plans, and contingency plans, and backup plans to the contingency plans, BUT since that trip was already in the works, I thought it only appropriate (in light of the break-up guide and all...just following along...) that I would plan another, NEW, trip.  I would LOVE to jet off to Hawaii.  HawaiiMom, I even priced tickets and looked into borrowing a timeshare, but there is just no way (I do think it could be a reality 2013 though!) unfortunately right NOW, not only do I not have any leave available, I have zero money in the bank, and robbing one is frowned on. 

Soooooo, *little drum roll* Charleston, here I come!  OK, here Booya and I come...in two months, if neither of us is dating anyone, and we can get a cheap but nice hotel, and he remembers to book it, and it's only for two days, but whatever...

I'm really all about the planning anyway.  If the trip happens, great, we had a ton of fun last time and even though the Pea won't be along for the ride, and I have no desire to talk to Booya about Pooh Bear and Crocodiles (or was it alligators?) it could still be fun.  More fun for me at this moment though, is the way planning takes me out of the present, and transports me into a time and place where I don't have to worry about anything; someone else cleans up after me, someone else cooks for me, and I don't have to set an alarm.  That is a pretty damn happy place and just thinking about it makes me feel better.

I may start planning another Disney trip just for good measure...and one to Massachusetts...oooh, Hilton Head could be fun.

short notice

Day 4:  Get a drink with your girls.  "Tonight, they’ll sit on your right and left sides at a bar, forming a sort of She-Ra-esque force field. Your friends will intercept and rebuff any men who try to hit on you, because this evening is about you, quality cocktails, and your pals reassuring you that it’s gonna be OK."

Oooooh, an excuse to be all Sex and the City, I'm ON it. 

I sat in a gorgeous trendy bar, with hot bartenders; I had on a fabulous outfit with a pair of brand new Manolo Blahniks.  I sipped Cosmos, with two of my girlfriends, and we all flipped our hair and rejected the 50 or so men that hit on us. 

Or not...

The truth is I went to a local pub, in my jeans, with Dr. Cox and Booya; I ordered a pint of Newcastle.  The waitress was older than my mother and called us "hon" and tonight's special was Bud Bottles. 

It was the best I could do on short notice.

There was really NEVER a chance of either Dr. Cox or Booya having to fend off, rebuff, or intercept anyone, and that was fine with me.  I did some talking, I did some listening, Dr. Cox flipped his hair, and I left feeling like it was all gonna be ok...mission accomplished.

goggles and bibles

Today is day 3...day 3 is make a Break-Up Bible.  The Break-Up Bible comes in handy when you throw on the break-up goggles and suddenly think it is a good idea to give it "one more try."  Break-up goggles are similar to beer goggles in that they cloud your vision and perception, and turn an otherwise not very attractive person into THE most attractive person on the planet.  Sometimes beer and break-up goggles get put on simultaneously, and that is ALWAYS bad.  The Frisky suggests you actually print out things your friends have said, or write them down in a little notebook, and refer to them when necessary, thus creating your very own "bible" to refer to when what you want to do is pick up the phone and sob "I miss you..."  I find sending frantic text messages to your friends works even better.   

Today I found myself wearing the dreaded break-up goggles.  I was driving down the road and happened to see The Boy driving in the other direction.  In that moment I was suddenly very sad and lonely (or was it mad and horny?) and I forgot all the bad times, all the drama, all the heartache, all the fights, all the bullshit, and just saw "my guy."  Next thing I knew, I was crying. 

I pulled over and texted the following to Booya: call me, tlk me off the ledge, jst saw him & 4 whatevr reasn am sad & want 2 call him, so call me b4 i do!!

The phone rang, only it wasn't him, it was Smash, which was probably even better, because she is the one who knew it all, was there through it all, and knows me better than anyone.  Off the ledge I came, and then I talked to Booya, and all was right in the world again.

I know we are better off apart, I know we are not a good fit, I know I need to move on, I just needed to hear it out loud, from someone else, and that is why listening to your friends is BRILLIANT advice.  Anyone else out there who wants to chime in, go ahead, I can take it, I'm listening...I don't know that I will write it all down and keep a notebook in my wallet for quick reference, but I may text you and ask you to tell me again.

never forget

It's day 2 of the break-up guide, which is "Tell your friends" and yeah, pretty much covered.  Not only do my friends, his friends, everyone we work with and all my neighbors now know, but random people all over the planet who read this blog, some of whom don't even know me, know, so yeah...done.

Ok, moving on, because honestly on THIS day, a silly break-up just seems really insignificant and petty.

10 years ago, right now, I was standing in my bedroom, half dressed in my flight attendant uniform, sobbing, terrified, and completely stunned.  We all know where we were and what we were doing, and it changed us.

My whole life changed, and I was one of the lucky ones who ONLY lost a job and my sense of security.  I didn't lose a loved one.

Take a moment, no, take the whole damn day, to be grateful for what, and who, you have...and remember those less fortunate...vow to never forget and never assume we are safe from those who hate us...and make sure you tell those that you love that you do, because you never know when it is your last chance to do so.

day 1

Ok how many of you remember the break-up guide? A little flashback if you don't, or weren't along on my journey back then:  http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2009/07/30-days.html

Wellllll...here we are again!!  Yay, me...only this time Booya is just tagging along for the ride and helping me out, since he doesn't happen to be broken hearted at the moment.

The break-up from The Boy happened just before leaving for FL, and as anyone who has gone through one can attest, getting the HELL out of dodge is good medicine.  Unfortunately for me, I had to come back, and reality bitch slapped me right upside the head.  Work was not much fun yesterday, and the evening drama was even less.  I woke up this morning ready to face the day and get back to taking care of me and I'm starting with 30 days of whatever The Frisky thinks I need.

Day 1: Change your cell phone wallpaper.

Well, I didn't really need to do that, cuz the Pea is my subject of choice on my phone always, but I did have to change a ring tone, so that is gonna be my day 1.  Back in the day, when I WANTED to hear from The Boy, I gave him and Smash the same ring tone, when I heard that one I knew it was someone I wanted to talk to.  Well, that particular ring tone NOW sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me...I don't wanna hear it anymore.  Smash will get a new one as well, just for her, and NEVER again will she share one.

more soon

Well they have updated Blogger, and I think I will be able to actually publish this post...if you are reading, it obviously did.

I am currently parked in a hotel room in Florida; tomorrow is Betty's daughter's wedding and the Pea and I are here so we can attend.  It is a much needed break from reality (as reality has not been fabulous lately) and a nice little mini vacation for the two of us.  The  Pea spent last week with  her dad so we are in need of some much needed reconnection time, and after breaking things off with The Boy, I am in need of that "I'll just runaway from all that sucks right now" time.

We just had a nice little swim in the pool, after a most excellent prime rib dinner in the hotel restaurant, and I am ready to go to bed and get some much needed sleep.

More soon, I hope...thanks for reading, and encouraging, and being there, all of you who are.

xo 

quality

A month!! It has been a damn month since I was able to get online and write.

OMG...so here is the skinny:

I got home from a crazy, fun filled (or not) loud weekend with my family and The Boy and immediately upon getting home, jumped on the computer. Well a few notices for updates popped up and my virus scan was busy so I went ahead with the updates and got busy doing something else. Fast forward to later that night, sign on to blogger and NOTHING...error. WTF, ok, whatever, they are having issues, going to bed.

The next day...same thing. Huh? Restart, sign in, still more problems, clearly that update effed up the computer...aggghhhhhhh.

Every night (or so) for the next week and a half I get on the damn thing and do everything I know to do to get it working. Cookies were deleted, programs were uninstalled and reinstalled, sign in, sign out, shut down, restart, help, tech support "Halloo my neme is Rom, hoo can elp you? No soory I no understand..." I am ready to throw it out the bedroom window and jump up and down clapping as it sails down to the driveway and shatters into a million pieces when the Pea says "MOMMY! You are ALWAYS on the computer, stop working and pay me some attention!" The computer has been off since then.

Well, the Pea is with her dad, I have figured out that Safari likes Blogger, and now I like Safari too (to hell with internet explorer) and here I am...

So, what is new?

Everything and nothing. It seems like life is crazy, and yet nothing ever changes...I am like a hamster running on a wheel and I want to get off, but I can't stop or slow down cuz it will upset the whole balance and quite possibly throw me off.

As a result of all the chaos I have had the overwhelming urge to clear out, get organized, and maybe? regain control. I am starting with my closet and hoping that by getting rid of the old, ugly, too small, and too big, I will feel less overwhelmed and claustrophobic. Ever feel like you just have too much stuff and it's weighing you down?

After the closet I will move on to the Pea's room. With her 100 miles away I might actually be able to get rid of something (or many, many, many somethings, fingers crossed) without hearing "NOOOOOO mommy, you CAN'T throw that away, I LOOOVE IT, it is my FAVORITE. TOY. EV-ER!"

Next will come the baskets of paperwork, bills, magazines, invitations for things already over (oops), expiration notices, phone numbers written on scraps of paper, craft projects that I HAD to keep even though I have about three thousand too many macaroni and bead "what is this again?" doodads, cards that I bought that never got sent, coupons I meant to use that are now expired, flyers for events that I meant to attend, recipes...etc, etc.

Last, but probably most important, will be my computer. I am pretty sure I don't care that someone I went to high school with, that I barely knew or cared about then, just scored 1000 bedazzled points...I also don't care to see the cleavage of some girl in a fuzzy picture taken at a bar by some other person I dated briefly and no longer give a shit about.

Seems like everyone professes to believe in quality over quantity but then proves otherwise in their day to day. I can't tell you how many shirts I have bought because they were a "good deal", that now hang in my closet because after I wore them once and washed them they looked like crap. My Brooks Brothers shirts on the other hand I have had for years and wear over and over...why don't I just buy Brooks Brothers now? Because then I would only be able to buy one shirt and doesn't it feel so much better to come home with a bag full? If I calculated out what each one costs per wear I would probably kick myself...that $10 shirt cost me $10 per wear, the BB probably pennies. It is time to clear out the quantity and invest in only quality from now on, and not just in shirts.

I don't need 400 "friends", but I do need to reconnect with the ones I really care about and want to maintain a relationship with. My daughter doesn't need 800 crappy little dollar store toys, but that Pooh bear that has now been through 6 years, and she loves like a sister, could be picked up off the floor and given a nice clean shelf to sit on. And maybe, If I had a better system for mail when it came in the house I wouldn't forget to send those birthday and thank you cards and the people who deserve to get them would know that I was thinking about them and grateful.

Wonder what else I have in my life that I would better off without?

I'm off to find out, have a happy weekend!