I just got the invite to my 20 year high school reunion. I knew it was coming, and unfortunately I won't be attending because of a schedule conflict, but it got me thinking about the me I was then, versus the me I am now. Despite it feeling like it has been no where near two decades, more like two blinks of the eye, quite a bit has changed...and definitely for the better. I wish I could write my teenage self a letter, tell her how things are now...I wish if I could she would actually listen. I think it would go something like this:
Dear K,
Well, you made it...you got through, got yourself a diploma, and now it's time to move on, except, well...don't, SLOW DOWN, enjoy your summer.
Get to know your sister, she ends up becoming your best friend, and she needs you now. When you will realize this you not only will feel really guilty, but really sad that you didn't do it sooner.
Instead of just trying to graduate, try to enjoy college...take a few of those classes that you WANT to take, instead of just the ones you HAVE to take. You don't end up graduating on time anyway so you might as well.
Oh, and regarding that, the reason you don't is because instead of trusting your gut and calling off that wedding, you go through with it, and it ends badly...TRUST YOUR GUT, ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT.
You aren't Martha Stewart, you CAN'T be perfect, no matter how hard you try. You can't control much of anything, much less everything, and Martha ends up going to jail so stop wasting your time trying to be her.
You aren't super model skinny, but you ARE thin enough and pretty enough, so take off that stupid cover up when you are in Mexico, you will look at pictures of yourself 20 years from now and think "damn, I looked good back then."
You will spend about a bazillion dollars on every cream and serum that advertises a dramatic reduction in the appearance of fine lines and sun spots and you will be disappointed in every. single. one. Save yourself some money, WEAR SUNSCREEN.
Regarding men, if your first instinct is that he is a douche, you are right. He is. Oh, and that guy, that guy that you have been pining over...he is gonna call in about 10 years and guess what? Your heart is NOT going to skip a beat, you are NOT going to run off together into the sunset and have the greatest love affair of all time, matter of fact you aren't even going to know who the hell he is when you first answer the phone...you can stop pining.
The next 20 years will fly by.
You won't accomplish what you think you should, it's ok. Contrary to what you want to believe, you will find out you are more ordinary than extraordinary, but again, it's ok. You aren't as smart as you think, nor as fat. Stop taking yourself, and life, so damn seriously, no one gets out alive so you might as well enjoy it while you can.
K
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
dad's day
It's Father's Day...the day we celebrate and cherish our fathers, thank them for being our hero's, and if we are lucky, spend time with them. I have two fathers, a biological one, and a real one. My real dad I met when I was 5 or 6 six years old, when he started dating my mom. I was living with my biological one at the time, was a little girl, being raised by a single dad, in the 1970's...It is fairly rare now, back then it was almost unheard of. Looking back on it, I realize how hard it must have been for him, and despite only being in his early thirties, how he did a pretty good job. I have memories of being very lonely and wanting more attention from him, but also of plenty of times when it was just him and I, doing something fun, creative, exciting, or active. I remember him trying to teach me to play tennis, helping him lay a brick patio, accompanying him to work at his office and the hospital. I would have been the age the Pea is now, and as I raise her, and try and balance a full time job and personal life with being a good mommy, I understand how difficult it was for him and how much patience and love he must have had for me. I also remember falling in love with the man who was falling in love with my mom, and feeling very lucky that I could end up with two dads.
When I was eight years old I moved in with my mom and her new husband, the man I now call Dad. I asked if I could...on a whim, one day when I was feeling particularly lonely, I told him I wanted to live with mom and Smash, he agreed, and a few weeks (or months, I am really not sure) later, my father drove me to their house, his old Ford pickup filled with all my furniture, clothes, toys, and books. When we arrived he stopped the truck and before I got out he said "You understand this is permanent right? You can't change your mind, or go back and forth." I hadn't, and while I certainly couldn't have understood the complex legal battle that had taken place for the last 4 years, or all the pain and resentment that had built between my parents, until he said that, I hadn't given it any thought at all. I just knew I missed my mom and my sister and I wanted to feel like a part of a family, but all of a sudden, in that instant, I realized I had made a huge decision, and I wasn't sure if it was the right one. Since that was well before I had my own child, and was able to admit I DIDN'T know everything, I just nodded and said "yeah, I know."
Two years later Mom, Dad, Smash, our two dogs, and I, moved to the other side of the continent, about as far away from our old life as we could get without leaving the country. The relationship with my biological father disintegrated after that and I haven't seen him in 25 years...haven't spoken to him in 17. He doesn't wish me Happy Birthday, I don't wish him Happy Father's Day...he didn't see me graduate high school or college, get married (either time), become a mother, become a single mother, he wasn't there to check out my house when I bought it, he has never said "I'm proud of you". I won't be the one who takes care of him when he is too old to take care of himself, or the one who stands up at his funeral to tell others what a fine man and father he was.
I have learned, both by having, and being, a flawed parent, that good parenting (and some days, when it is all you can manage, good enough parenting) is about choosing, every day, to BE a parent. It isn't enough to just be, to just love, to just live...you must choose to SHOW that you are available, open, loving, caring, committed, and grateful. Some days it is easy, you feel good, stress is low, they are cute and sweet...other days it is work, it feels like your world is collapsing, they are out of control, mean, or bratty. For some it comes easy, those that have great partners, great support systems and families, plenty of money, and ample opportunity...for some it comes naturally, those that had great parents themselves, are in a good place in their life, and are genuinely happy...for the rest of us, it is a constant fumbling, stumbling, and learning, punctuated by moments of brilliance and joy.
My real dad had his share of stumbling and fumbling, but he was there. He made a choice to BE in my life, and in the life of my daughter. He will get a phone call today, a wish for a happy day...not the other guy...and the pain I feel today, the little piece of my heart that breaks because of it, reminds me that in order for my daughter to not feel this way, ever, I need to choose love, choose forgiveness, and choose a life that allows her have both her parents, and any subsequent step parents, in her life, always.
For those of you who can't pick up the phone and call, or spend the day with, your dad, for whatever reason, I'm sorry...for those of you who can, make sure he knows how much you appreciate him. For all you guys out there who have changed countless diapers, run many a bath, kissed a million boo-boos, read a story so many times you have it memorized, who don't consider watching your kids babysitting, who can't imagine your kiddo graduating or getting married without being you being there, who take your grandchildren any chance you get, not just when you are asked, who show strangers pictures and beam with pride: Happy Father's Day!!
To my dad, Poppi: thanks, Happy Father's Day, I love you.
To DH: thanks, Happy Father's Day, I think we are doing a pretty good job.
When I was eight years old I moved in with my mom and her new husband, the man I now call Dad. I asked if I could...on a whim, one day when I was feeling particularly lonely, I told him I wanted to live with mom and Smash, he agreed, and a few weeks (or months, I am really not sure) later, my father drove me to their house, his old Ford pickup filled with all my furniture, clothes, toys, and books. When we arrived he stopped the truck and before I got out he said "You understand this is permanent right? You can't change your mind, or go back and forth." I hadn't, and while I certainly couldn't have understood the complex legal battle that had taken place for the last 4 years, or all the pain and resentment that had built between my parents, until he said that, I hadn't given it any thought at all. I just knew I missed my mom and my sister and I wanted to feel like a part of a family, but all of a sudden, in that instant, I realized I had made a huge decision, and I wasn't sure if it was the right one. Since that was well before I had my own child, and was able to admit I DIDN'T know everything, I just nodded and said "yeah, I know."
Two years later Mom, Dad, Smash, our two dogs, and I, moved to the other side of the continent, about as far away from our old life as we could get without leaving the country. The relationship with my biological father disintegrated after that and I haven't seen him in 25 years...haven't spoken to him in 17. He doesn't wish me Happy Birthday, I don't wish him Happy Father's Day...he didn't see me graduate high school or college, get married (either time), become a mother, become a single mother, he wasn't there to check out my house when I bought it, he has never said "I'm proud of you". I won't be the one who takes care of him when he is too old to take care of himself, or the one who stands up at his funeral to tell others what a fine man and father he was.
I have learned, both by having, and being, a flawed parent, that good parenting (and some days, when it is all you can manage, good enough parenting) is about choosing, every day, to BE a parent. It isn't enough to just be, to just love, to just live...you must choose to SHOW that you are available, open, loving, caring, committed, and grateful. Some days it is easy, you feel good, stress is low, they are cute and sweet...other days it is work, it feels like your world is collapsing, they are out of control, mean, or bratty. For some it comes easy, those that have great partners, great support systems and families, plenty of money, and ample opportunity...for some it comes naturally, those that had great parents themselves, are in a good place in their life, and are genuinely happy...for the rest of us, it is a constant fumbling, stumbling, and learning, punctuated by moments of brilliance and joy.
My real dad had his share of stumbling and fumbling, but he was there. He made a choice to BE in my life, and in the life of my daughter. He will get a phone call today, a wish for a happy day...not the other guy...and the pain I feel today, the little piece of my heart that breaks because of it, reminds me that in order for my daughter to not feel this way, ever, I need to choose love, choose forgiveness, and choose a life that allows her have both her parents, and any subsequent step parents, in her life, always.
For those of you who can't pick up the phone and call, or spend the day with, your dad, for whatever reason, I'm sorry...for those of you who can, make sure he knows how much you appreciate him. For all you guys out there who have changed countless diapers, run many a bath, kissed a million boo-boos, read a story so many times you have it memorized, who don't consider watching your kids babysitting, who can't imagine your kiddo graduating or getting married without being you being there, who take your grandchildren any chance you get, not just when you are asked, who show strangers pictures and beam with pride: Happy Father's Day!!
To my dad, Poppi: thanks, Happy Father's Day, I love you.
To DH: thanks, Happy Father's Day, I think we are doing a pretty good job.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
yummy
I'm home from a lovely weekend with The Boy. We went out of town and spent our time at a most amazing resort, The Umstead. We had THE best meal either of us had ever had (granted, a five star restaurant you should not walk out of thinking "meh" but still). It got me thinking about some of the best food I had ever had and as a bit of a nod to the show on the Food Network "The Best Thing I Ever Ate" I thought I would share.
Well, obviously, the meal on Saturday...but the highlight was the cauliflower chowder. I have never had cauliflower chowder, must admit, never even heard of it, but now I want it for every meal for the next oh, twenty years or so. It was amazing. We started the meal with the apricot and mascarpone scones and I loved them so much I got the recipe. The Boy couldn't believe they gave it to me, but I suspect they are so confident in my ability to NOT be able to recreate them that they were like "sure lady, knock yourself out...moohhahahahahhaha." For our second course we both had the Caesar, it was by far the most interesting presentation ever, and I loved that they give you a whole anchovy on the side...I could have done with another 3 or 4, but since most people don't like them, I could see how they would mostly go to waste. I had the chicken, The Boy had the steak, both were phenomenal.
As a Carolina gal I have had my fair share of BBQ, and yes, I have been to Memphis, and had it there too, but THE BEST BBQ on the planet, as far as I'm concerned is at Dinosaurs in Rochester NY. NY BBQ you say?! No way...YES WAY, and it's worth the trip. Fly up for a weekend (preferably in the summer so you don't have to deal with the absurd snow or wind), stay at the Sheraton Four Points, and walk over to Dinosaurs. You will know the direction to head upon walking outside cuz you can smell it in the air. They cook the meat outside and it makes you want to come and eat it. Get the Carolina plate, which laughably is not even close to Carolina BBQ, but is the best none the less. They pair it with the most amazing slaw (again, nothing like Carolina slaw, but awesome) and baked beans. Orgasm on a plate, happy times.
Regarding pork...there is one other way that I love it, on a Cuban sandwich. Usually my notorious clumsiness brings me nothing but misery and embarrassment. Strolling through the streets of South Beach, it scored me a sandwich. I stumbled upon a little hole in the wall Cuban joint...literally stumbled, on a crack in the pavement, and bit it. As I was picking myself up and dusting myself off I looked to my left at the assorted Cubans staring back at me from what appeared an outdoor bar, only inside. I know that sounds crazy, but it was one of those places with the big open window and lots of fans, and a dirty floor, and SOMETHING smelled incredible. To this day, I don't think I could find my way back to it, or even if it still exists, but I was hungry, and tired, and had just eaten the sidewalk, so I figured a beer and a bite of some real food was needed. My graceful gringo ass was the only white one in there and no one spoke English but me...I somehow managed a beer ("uno, dos, cerveza, tequila, gracias" pretty much sums up my Spanish, but comes in incredibly handy) and their special, which as it turned out was the Cuban. Just the sandwich, no fries, not fancy. It was the most perfect combination of pork, ham, mustard, pickle, and cheese on to die for bread. I'm sure at any little Cuban place in South Beach you can get a great Cubano, but for me, that was the best, and if I am ever stumbling around in Florida I hope to get another one.
I couldn't possibly write about food without mentioning doughnuts, now could I? No, of course not...for the record, the best I have had came from Duck Donuts in Kitty Hawk, NC. They make them fresh when you order them and you pick the topping. They are cake style, so if you are a Krispy fan, you probably won't like as much, but I LOVED them. Last, but not least, well before my travel days, back in the day when the only cheese we had in the house came in a big white box and resembled Velveta, but wasn't, if you grew up in the 70's and were poor you know all about government cheese. When spaghetti was a half of a box of noodles, a can of tomato paste and water...yeah, I shudder when I think about too, and we only had eggs if the chickens laid some and we stomped our happy asses outside and collected them, we got one treat, once in a blue moon, that I MUST share. This is one of those treats that you must not think about, read the labels on the ingredients, or monitor your intake...it is junk, plain and simple, it is terrible for you, and it is terrible for your kids, but they were a little taste of heaven as far as I was concerned, back in a period in my life when food was not in abundance, and I was hungry all the time, and we rarely got anything sweet, and they made my little heart sing.
Go to your nearest, local neighborhood, grocery. Buy one can of whompom biscuits, you know, the ones that come in a can, that you whomp on the counter to open, they are like 3 for a dollar. One little thing of vegetable oil, the cheapest they have, it will probably be like 85 cents, and a small bag of confectioners sugar. Make sure when they bag them they put it all in a small PAPER bag. Take it all home, heat up the oil, get all the biscuits out of the can and cut out the centers with a tiny cookie cutter, or knife if you don't have one. Fry up those bad boys, the outer rings and the little centers, and when they are golden brown dump them in the paper bag with the sugar and "shake 'em like a Polaroid picture." There you have it, my mama's doughnuts, and my mama has a hard time boiling water, so you know they are easy.
Oh wow, now I am hungry again, and I just had dinner and need to go to bed. Sweet dreams.
Well, obviously, the meal on Saturday...but the highlight was the cauliflower chowder. I have never had cauliflower chowder, must admit, never even heard of it, but now I want it for every meal for the next oh, twenty years or so. It was amazing. We started the meal with the apricot and mascarpone scones and I loved them so much I got the recipe. The Boy couldn't believe they gave it to me, but I suspect they are so confident in my ability to NOT be able to recreate them that they were like "sure lady, knock yourself out...moohhahahahahhaha." For our second course we both had the Caesar, it was by far the most interesting presentation ever, and I loved that they give you a whole anchovy on the side...I could have done with another 3 or 4, but since most people don't like them, I could see how they would mostly go to waste. I had the chicken, The Boy had the steak, both were phenomenal.
As a Carolina gal I have had my fair share of BBQ, and yes, I have been to Memphis, and had it there too, but THE BEST BBQ on the planet, as far as I'm concerned is at Dinosaurs in Rochester NY. NY BBQ you say?! No way...YES WAY, and it's worth the trip. Fly up for a weekend (preferably in the summer so you don't have to deal with the absurd snow or wind), stay at the Sheraton Four Points, and walk over to Dinosaurs. You will know the direction to head upon walking outside cuz you can smell it in the air. They cook the meat outside and it makes you want to come and eat it. Get the Carolina plate, which laughably is not even close to Carolina BBQ, but is the best none the less. They pair it with the most amazing slaw (again, nothing like Carolina slaw, but awesome) and baked beans. Orgasm on a plate, happy times.
Regarding pork...there is one other way that I love it, on a Cuban sandwich. Usually my notorious clumsiness brings me nothing but misery and embarrassment. Strolling through the streets of South Beach, it scored me a sandwich. I stumbled upon a little hole in the wall Cuban joint...literally stumbled, on a crack in the pavement, and bit it. As I was picking myself up and dusting myself off I looked to my left at the assorted Cubans staring back at me from what appeared an outdoor bar, only inside. I know that sounds crazy, but it was one of those places with the big open window and lots of fans, and a dirty floor, and SOMETHING smelled incredible. To this day, I don't think I could find my way back to it, or even if it still exists, but I was hungry, and tired, and had just eaten the sidewalk, so I figured a beer and a bite of some real food was needed. My graceful gringo ass was the only white one in there and no one spoke English but me...I somehow managed a beer ("uno, dos, cerveza, tequila, gracias" pretty much sums up my Spanish, but comes in incredibly handy) and their special, which as it turned out was the Cuban. Just the sandwich, no fries, not fancy. It was the most perfect combination of pork, ham, mustard, pickle, and cheese on to die for bread. I'm sure at any little Cuban place in South Beach you can get a great Cubano, but for me, that was the best, and if I am ever stumbling around in Florida I hope to get another one.
I couldn't possibly write about food without mentioning doughnuts, now could I? No, of course not...for the record, the best I have had came from Duck Donuts in Kitty Hawk, NC. They make them fresh when you order them and you pick the topping. They are cake style, so if you are a Krispy fan, you probably won't like as much, but I LOVED them. Last, but not least, well before my travel days, back in the day when the only cheese we had in the house came in a big white box and resembled Velveta, but wasn't, if you grew up in the 70's and were poor you know all about government cheese. When spaghetti was a half of a box of noodles, a can of tomato paste and water...yeah, I shudder when I think about too, and we only had eggs if the chickens laid some and we stomped our happy asses outside and collected them, we got one treat, once in a blue moon, that I MUST share. This is one of those treats that you must not think about, read the labels on the ingredients, or monitor your intake...it is junk, plain and simple, it is terrible for you, and it is terrible for your kids, but they were a little taste of heaven as far as I was concerned, back in a period in my life when food was not in abundance, and I was hungry all the time, and we rarely got anything sweet, and they made my little heart sing.
Go to your nearest, local neighborhood, grocery. Buy one can of whompom biscuits, you know, the ones that come in a can, that you whomp on the counter to open, they are like 3 for a dollar. One little thing of vegetable oil, the cheapest they have, it will probably be like 85 cents, and a small bag of confectioners sugar. Make sure when they bag them they put it all in a small PAPER bag. Take it all home, heat up the oil, get all the biscuits out of the can and cut out the centers with a tiny cookie cutter, or knife if you don't have one. Fry up those bad boys, the outer rings and the little centers, and when they are golden brown dump them in the paper bag with the sugar and "shake 'em like a Polaroid picture." There you have it, my mama's doughnuts, and my mama has a hard time boiling water, so you know they are easy.
Oh wow, now I am hungry again, and I just had dinner and need to go to bed. Sweet dreams.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
booowing
I know I promised once a week, and I just wrote last night, but it is quiet in my house, I just finished a book, and I'm a little sad. See, the reason it is quiet is the Pea is at the neighbor's house. The neighbor's house is kid paradise. There is a trampoline, a swing set, a playroom, and most important, lots of kids, four actually. I was so proud of myself, sacrificing a garage and a nice big house to instead buy in a prime school district and so happy when I realized I lived in one of those neighborhoods where you could let the kids out the back door and say "go play!" and now, unfortunately, it is pissing me off. I'm glad the Pea has neighborhood kids to run with, and the run of the block, and I am glad I know she is safe and will be sent home to eat or if she misbehaves...what I don't like is that she would rather be at any other house than ours, and with any one but me. Apparently our house is boring...matter of fact she flat out said it, when I went over there to make sure she was ok and ask her if she was ready to come home "NOOOOOOO mommmmm, I wanna stay heeeeeere...pleeeeeeease, our house is boooowing."
We don't have a trampoline, or a swing set, or a play room, a wii or an xbox or koolaid, and we don't have any other kids. The Pea has finally reached the age where mom is not the coolest person on the planet...and mom is having a hard time with that. It is also contributing to my desperately wanting another baby...except not really, cuz when I think about the 9 (10) months of pregnancy, the year of breastfeeding, the potty training, the mess, the chaos, the lack of sleep, the exhaustion so deep you feel it in your bones, the terror of all things bad that you envision happening to your baby every. single. moment. of. every. day...oh my God, I need a nap just thinking about it...but then again...
Once it was fairly well decided (by whom I am still not sure) that the Pea would be my one and only I became acutely aware that I must savor every single moment and not once try and rush through a stage or utter the phrase "It will be better when she..." and yet it is STILL going by waaaay too fast. As I sit here typing what I really want to do is go outside and yell over the fence for her to come home, but then what? She is right, our house is boring...it is cozy and lovely and I love it, but I am not 5 and she is not as entertained by books without pictures and vodka as I am. Grown-ups love my house, kids, not so much. It doesn't help I have (or rather had) white sofas and a no jumping, eating, drinking, or wrestling with the dog, in the living room policy.
I want to be one of those adults that kids love...ya know the ones that can play, really play, get dirty, and have fun, but I'm not...when I think play and get dirty there are absolutely no children involved and my sense of humor is more sarcasm driven than bathroom joke driven. My kid doesn't get me at all, the only time I can make her laugh, really belly laugh anyway, is when I hurt myself and cuss. She finds all manner of "grown up words" HI-larious. I have tried to temper my potty mouth, since it is by far one of the worst on the planet, but to no avail. I have kind of given up and explained that cussing, like drinking booze and eating dark chocolate, is reserved for mommies and daddies, and since answering her question of "How did I get out your belly?" honestly, she wants no part of any of it. Every once in awhile she will ask for clarification on what constitutes a "mommy word" but for the most part she knows anything I yell after stubbing my toe or breaking something is off limits until she passes a tiny human out her lady bits. And, cuz I know you are thinking it, to the question of how she got IN my belly in the first place, I answered "God put you there after I prayed for you." I try and be as honest as possible with her, but there ARE limits.
So here I sit, in my boring house, even the dog looks bored for cryin' out loud, thinking of ways I can be more fun so that my kid will want to hang out with me. *sigh*
Oh hell...I'm gonna make a martini and watch her play in the neighbors yard from the comfort of my deck, and then when she is good and worn out I will call her home and put her to bed and watch her sleep. Every parent knows that their kids are at their absolute best and cutest when they are sound asleep. I may be boring, but I ain't stupid.
We don't have a trampoline, or a swing set, or a play room, a wii or an xbox or koolaid, and we don't have any other kids. The Pea has finally reached the age where mom is not the coolest person on the planet...and mom is having a hard time with that. It is also contributing to my desperately wanting another baby...except not really, cuz when I think about the 9 (10) months of pregnancy, the year of breastfeeding, the potty training, the mess, the chaos, the lack of sleep, the exhaustion so deep you feel it in your bones, the terror of all things bad that you envision happening to your baby every. single. moment. of. every. day...oh my God, I need a nap just thinking about it...but then again...
Once it was fairly well decided (by whom I am still not sure) that the Pea would be my one and only I became acutely aware that I must savor every single moment and not once try and rush through a stage or utter the phrase "It will be better when she..." and yet it is STILL going by waaaay too fast. As I sit here typing what I really want to do is go outside and yell over the fence for her to come home, but then what? She is right, our house is boring...it is cozy and lovely and I love it, but I am not 5 and she is not as entertained by books without pictures and vodka as I am. Grown-ups love my house, kids, not so much. It doesn't help I have (or rather had) white sofas and a no jumping, eating, drinking, or wrestling with the dog, in the living room policy.
I want to be one of those adults that kids love...ya know the ones that can play, really play, get dirty, and have fun, but I'm not...when I think play and get dirty there are absolutely no children involved and my sense of humor is more sarcasm driven than bathroom joke driven. My kid doesn't get me at all, the only time I can make her laugh, really belly laugh anyway, is when I hurt myself and cuss. She finds all manner of "grown up words" HI-larious. I have tried to temper my potty mouth, since it is by far one of the worst on the planet, but to no avail. I have kind of given up and explained that cussing, like drinking booze and eating dark chocolate, is reserved for mommies and daddies, and since answering her question of "How did I get out your belly?" honestly, she wants no part of any of it. Every once in awhile she will ask for clarification on what constitutes a "mommy word" but for the most part she knows anything I yell after stubbing my toe or breaking something is off limits until she passes a tiny human out her lady bits. And, cuz I know you are thinking it, to the question of how she got IN my belly in the first place, I answered "God put you there after I prayed for you." I try and be as honest as possible with her, but there ARE limits.
So here I sit, in my boring house, even the dog looks bored for cryin' out loud, thinking of ways I can be more fun so that my kid will want to hang out with me. *sigh*
Oh hell...I'm gonna make a martini and watch her play in the neighbors yard from the comfort of my deck, and then when she is good and worn out I will call her home and put her to bed and watch her sleep. Every parent knows that their kids are at their absolute best and cutest when they are sound asleep. I may be boring, but I ain't stupid.
Friday, June 3, 2011
magic
The week turned out to be pretty good. Having to work for only 4 of the 7 days contributed to the fabulousness, but so too did the Pea. She was particularly well behaved and neither of us ended up a puddle of tears on the floor, as is usually the case at least once a week. We are in full swing planning our next Disney vacation and I allow one video (who knew youtube had videos of the parades and shows? not I, until I was desperate to find ANYTHING Disney to bribe her with on a particularly difficult night, many moons ago) each night that she behaves and gets ready for bed on her own without too much trouble. We have been immersed in Disney magic every night.
I went 36 years without a single trip to Disney World (other than a ridiculous night on Paradise Island in Downtown Disney back in the day...oh to be young and hot again, and have the energy to dance all night *big sigh*). I was so excited I was pinging, and upon arriving in "the World" last year, to celebrate the Pea's birthday, I became an addict, it was everything I had built it up to be, and more. Turns out, Magic is worse than heroin. I can't get enough. I think I was home a week when I booked our trip for this year. As we are approaching the 6 month out mark, and can soon book our dining reservations, the planning is in full swing. See, and just one short year ago I knew NOTHING of this, in order to get the "good" dinners (those with characters and such) you have to book SIX MONTHS OUT...yeah, you read it right, SIX MONTHS. I don't know what I want for breakfast tomorrow, much less in December, but because I will not have my baby girl denied the opportunity to dine with the princesses, my usually lazy (and tired) ass will be signing on at 6a.m. the morning of the 180th day out, to book us reservations. Yes, I am crazy...but you already knew that.
Well, in order to know where you want to eat on any given day, you must decide which park, and in order to decide which park there are all kinds of factors to take into consideration: whether or not they have certain shows or parades, whether or not there are extra hours, historical crowds, etc, etc. I have a spreadsheet it is so damn complicated. It is a good thing my job requires so little brain power on a daily basis or I wouldn't have the reserves to keep my Disney shit together. I must admit, however, I love it...and just thinking about what we will do when, and what we will eat when, makes me smile. Again, it's like heroin, and I'm an addict. Smash is completely disgusted, she tried an intervention last year (as she and her family were along on my crazy spreadsheet carrying "fun filled" ride) but finally gave up and just decided instead to stop enabling. She declined (if I remember correctly her exact words were "f*&k no...no way, maybe a couple years from now") my offer to join us this year.
Now, I realize there are some who wing it, and it turns out fine, but those are people who don't mind standing in line, and also have the patience of Job, I am not one of those people. We waited on one line last year and I nearly LOST. MY. MIND. The Pea and I waited one hour to ride the Peter Pan thing because it was one of those "must do" rides and upon exiting I was PISSED. The line itself was absurd...I so wanted to just collapse, like all the two year olds were doing, and lay on the floor crying, but since the Pea was quietly standing and proceeding like a big girl, I didn't want to give her any ideas. Well, then the big hairy guy in front of us farted, and with no where to go (at least a hundred people in front of us, a million or so behind us, and no way in hell I was gonna lose our place in line as I was pretty sure I had been there at least a year) I had no choice but to just stand there and gag...on the bright side, HE was the one with the very good chance of shit in his pants, and as bad as it was for me, I wasn't the one who would have to deal with that later. Every time we got to where I was SURE we were next, another row of people appeared out of nowhere and were ushered in front of us (I later found out these were the smart people who took advantage of Fastpass...I am now one of those people). We finally, got to the front of the line, in the little car that will take us on the ride of all rides, the best ride EVER, the reason we have endured all we have, and we are off. FOUR MINUTES later we stumble out into the light. Never, again...I now have a rule...if the wait is more than 15 minutes, we don't need to do it. I can't imagine waiting for an hour to eat, or to shake hands with a character. NO F*&KING WAY. The magic fades when mama, or Pea, is pissed and hungry.
Speaking of pissed, the Pea is getting that way now, as I promised her a video before I started writing and it has taken me longer than the 30 seconds she was counting on. I better go and let her watch so we can both get some sleep. Tomorrow is National Doughnut Day, and anyone who knows me or the Pea knows, we likey our doughnuts...it is probably best we be well rested before we cram ourselves full of the little fried cakes, spin ourselves into a sugar rush tizzy, and then collapse into food comas. Enjoy your weekend, try to stay cool, and eat a doughnut, or three.
I went 36 years without a single trip to Disney World (other than a ridiculous night on Paradise Island in Downtown Disney back in the day...oh to be young and hot again, and have the energy to dance all night *big sigh*). I was so excited I was pinging, and upon arriving in "the World" last year, to celebrate the Pea's birthday, I became an addict, it was everything I had built it up to be, and more. Turns out, Magic is worse than heroin. I can't get enough. I think I was home a week when I booked our trip for this year. As we are approaching the 6 month out mark, and can soon book our dining reservations, the planning is in full swing. See, and just one short year ago I knew NOTHING of this, in order to get the "good" dinners (those with characters and such) you have to book SIX MONTHS OUT...yeah, you read it right, SIX MONTHS. I don't know what I want for breakfast tomorrow, much less in December, but because I will not have my baby girl denied the opportunity to dine with the princesses, my usually lazy (and tired) ass will be signing on at 6a.m. the morning of the 180th day out, to book us reservations. Yes, I am crazy...but you already knew that.
Well, in order to know where you want to eat on any given day, you must decide which park, and in order to decide which park there are all kinds of factors to take into consideration: whether or not they have certain shows or parades, whether or not there are extra hours, historical crowds, etc, etc. I have a spreadsheet it is so damn complicated. It is a good thing my job requires so little brain power on a daily basis or I wouldn't have the reserves to keep my Disney shit together. I must admit, however, I love it...and just thinking about what we will do when, and what we will eat when, makes me smile. Again, it's like heroin, and I'm an addict. Smash is completely disgusted, she tried an intervention last year (as she and her family were along on my crazy spreadsheet carrying "fun filled" ride) but finally gave up and just decided instead to stop enabling. She declined (if I remember correctly her exact words were "f*&k no...no way, maybe a couple years from now") my offer to join us this year.
Now, I realize there are some who wing it, and it turns out fine, but those are people who don't mind standing in line, and also have the patience of Job, I am not one of those people. We waited on one line last year and I nearly LOST. MY. MIND. The Pea and I waited one hour to ride the Peter Pan thing because it was one of those "must do" rides and upon exiting I was PISSED. The line itself was absurd...I so wanted to just collapse, like all the two year olds were doing, and lay on the floor crying, but since the Pea was quietly standing and proceeding like a big girl, I didn't want to give her any ideas. Well, then the big hairy guy in front of us farted, and with no where to go (at least a hundred people in front of us, a million or so behind us, and no way in hell I was gonna lose our place in line as I was pretty sure I had been there at least a year) I had no choice but to just stand there and gag...on the bright side, HE was the one with the very good chance of shit in his pants, and as bad as it was for me, I wasn't the one who would have to deal with that later. Every time we got to where I was SURE we were next, another row of people appeared out of nowhere and were ushered in front of us (I later found out these were the smart people who took advantage of Fastpass...I am now one of those people). We finally, got to the front of the line, in the little car that will take us on the ride of all rides, the best ride EVER, the reason we have endured all we have, and we are off. FOUR MINUTES later we stumble out into the light. Never, again...I now have a rule...if the wait is more than 15 minutes, we don't need to do it. I can't imagine waiting for an hour to eat, or to shake hands with a character. NO F*&KING WAY. The magic fades when mama, or Pea, is pissed and hungry.
Speaking of pissed, the Pea is getting that way now, as I promised her a video before I started writing and it has taken me longer than the 30 seconds she was counting on. I better go and let her watch so we can both get some sleep. Tomorrow is National Doughnut Day, and anyone who knows me or the Pea knows, we likey our doughnuts...it is probably best we be well rested before we cram ourselves full of the little fried cakes, spin ourselves into a sugar rush tizzy, and then collapse into food comas. Enjoy your weekend, try to stay cool, and eat a doughnut, or three.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
i'm baaaaaack
A lot has happened since I wrote last. I am still crazy, but my life is not so much. I have a new house, in a new town, and a new job, which I am slowly but surely settling into and allowing myself to enjoy, despite the little voice in my head that whispers "REALLY?!"
For my dear friends and readers I make only this promise as I go forward: every week, once a week, I will write something. I hope to have funny stories and witty anecdotes and make the time you spend reading enjoyable, but I may only have a line or two of babble...stick with me, practice makes perfect, right? And by perfect I mean: not terrible.
I am able to sit down and write today, in this blog, versus one that remains private, because I have the time to delete and rewrite, and delete and rewrite again, and think and write, etc, etc. The Pea is with her dad. Most of the weekends I spend alone I cram FULL of all sorts of activities and chores and before I know it I am running to pick her up, hardly noticing at all that she has been gone. This weekend, however, I purposely did not schedule anything and at about noon yesterday, when the reality of that hit me, I started to panic a bit. The Pea's dad, instead of the usual meet halfway, was going to pick her up at school, which meant two and a half hours of my time was now, mine. Then work gave us the word that we would get out early, and oh holy hell, an entire afternoon with NOTHING to do.
I decided to go shopping, not because I needed anything, but because I would be able to wander aimlessly, instead of the usual in and out with a map and a plan and the steely determination of a soldier. I would be able to try things on without the whole dressing room hearing "mommy, do you have a baby in your belly, cuz it's getting BIIIG" or "mommy, your butt is jiggly, why is your butt jiggly mommy?" or all of TJMaxx seeing me run nekkid into the accessories section because she decides I have spent entirely too much time in the dressing room and walks out, despite my having JUST gotten undressed.
I spent an hour in the store and $80, all on the Pea, and tried on nothing. It was still early afternoon and I needed a few things, so I went to Target. Since learning about the Pledge of Allegiance the Pea has been pledging every flag we come across (which has been exhausting for her this week, since there is one on every lamp post in my town) and after me to buy one for the house. I went into the store with a plan for: one hose (since it was probably high time we stopped borrowing the neighbors to fill up the kiddie pool), one American flag, one case of beer, and sunscreen. Two hours later I had a cart full of who knows what else, but everything I came for. At that point I was ready to go home, and I was full of energy. I was gonna clean my house, organize the junk basket (a whole drawer is not nearly big enough for me), and cook a nice big dinner, oh yeah...it was on...and then the lights went out in the store. A huge thunderstorm had hit while I was shopping, it was pouring rain, and the electricity was out.
I tried for awhile to wait it out, but people get a little kooky when the power goes out, and it was getting hot, and I just wanted to go home. I got home with a car full of soaking wet stuff (most of which I didn't need in the first damn place), was soaked and cold myself, and all grand plans went out the window. I got into my pjs, opened a bottle of wine, a carton of hummus and some crackers, and cozied up to the DVR. I was in bed at 6pm. My holiday weekend was off to an exciting start.
On the bright side, I am now raring to go, and the neighbors have a big plan: the community pool, opening day. Why am I going to brave a thousand screaming kids and smoking hot concrete when I don't have to? I am not sure, but I am off to do just that. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend y'all, and remember the reason for it. Too many men and women have died in battle to keep this country free and safe, we should honor them every day, but since we sometimes forget, take a moment this weekend to do so. Think about the families that are one (or more) fewer so that our little corner of the world is a safe democracy.
For my dear friends and readers I make only this promise as I go forward: every week, once a week, I will write something. I hope to have funny stories and witty anecdotes and make the time you spend reading enjoyable, but I may only have a line or two of babble...stick with me, practice makes perfect, right? And by perfect I mean: not terrible.
I am able to sit down and write today, in this blog, versus one that remains private, because I have the time to delete and rewrite, and delete and rewrite again, and think and write, etc, etc. The Pea is with her dad. Most of the weekends I spend alone I cram FULL of all sorts of activities and chores and before I know it I am running to pick her up, hardly noticing at all that she has been gone. This weekend, however, I purposely did not schedule anything and at about noon yesterday, when the reality of that hit me, I started to panic a bit. The Pea's dad, instead of the usual meet halfway, was going to pick her up at school, which meant two and a half hours of my time was now, mine. Then work gave us the word that we would get out early, and oh holy hell, an entire afternoon with NOTHING to do.
I decided to go shopping, not because I needed anything, but because I would be able to wander aimlessly, instead of the usual in and out with a map and a plan and the steely determination of a soldier. I would be able to try things on without the whole dressing room hearing "mommy, do you have a baby in your belly, cuz it's getting BIIIG" or "mommy, your butt is jiggly, why is your butt jiggly mommy?" or all of TJMaxx seeing me run nekkid into the accessories section because she decides I have spent entirely too much time in the dressing room and walks out, despite my having JUST gotten undressed.
I spent an hour in the store and $80, all on the Pea, and tried on nothing. It was still early afternoon and I needed a few things, so I went to Target. Since learning about the Pledge of Allegiance the Pea has been pledging every flag we come across (which has been exhausting for her this week, since there is one on every lamp post in my town) and after me to buy one for the house. I went into the store with a plan for: one hose (since it was probably high time we stopped borrowing the neighbors to fill up the kiddie pool), one American flag, one case of beer, and sunscreen. Two hours later I had a cart full of who knows what else, but everything I came for. At that point I was ready to go home, and I was full of energy. I was gonna clean my house, organize the junk basket (a whole drawer is not nearly big enough for me), and cook a nice big dinner, oh yeah...it was on...and then the lights went out in the store. A huge thunderstorm had hit while I was shopping, it was pouring rain, and the electricity was out.
I tried for awhile to wait it out, but people get a little kooky when the power goes out, and it was getting hot, and I just wanted to go home. I got home with a car full of soaking wet stuff (most of which I didn't need in the first damn place), was soaked and cold myself, and all grand plans went out the window. I got into my pjs, opened a bottle of wine, a carton of hummus and some crackers, and cozied up to the DVR. I was in bed at 6pm. My holiday weekend was off to an exciting start.
On the bright side, I am now raring to go, and the neighbors have a big plan: the community pool, opening day. Why am I going to brave a thousand screaming kids and smoking hot concrete when I don't have to? I am not sure, but I am off to do just that. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend y'all, and remember the reason for it. Too many men and women have died in battle to keep this country free and safe, we should honor them every day, but since we sometimes forget, take a moment this weekend to do so. Think about the families that are one (or more) fewer so that our little corner of the world is a safe democracy.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
signing off
If you are a regular to this blog you may have noticed I haven't written lately. I don't think I will be writing much more at all...not publicly. I have enjoyed the journey and it has taught me a lot and allowed me to grow, but every journey must come to an end and I am here. I am embarking on a new one: new adventures, new relationships, new challenges. I will continue to write...maybe one day manage to get a book together, but the "journal" type writing that has been this blog for so long is at an end...it is hard being exposed, opening yourself to everyone, and allowing everyone in...I need a break.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for reading.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
home
I'm home...well, actually I've been home for a few days, but you wouldn't know it since my suitcases are still full of crap and sitting in the middle of the hall. Not only are they unsightly, they impede movement through the house. I put them there to motivate me...I know myself well enough to realize that if I put them out of sight they will remain there, possibly through the new year. Instead of motivating me to unpack and do laundry, however, they have instead just pissed me off and forced me to step over them EVERY time I need to walk down the hall. I keep scheduling time to go ahead and just get it all put away, but then I find other, much more important, things to do, such as facebook friending people and chatting online.
Not only do I have much laundry and cleaning to do, but the Pea is insisting we put up the Christmas tree and decorate the house. There are three females in my house, no males. The tallest of us is only 5'2" and one of them has fur and no thumbs so is absolutely no help AT ALL. Why I chose a NINE FOOT Christmas tree, I am still not sure, but the thought of dragging that thing into the house and getting it set up is a bit overwhelming. Add to that, the fact that I don't own a ladder...well, you can imagine.
Wish me luck...I am off to unpack and decorate (and by that I mean: go watch football).
Not only do I have much laundry and cleaning to do, but the Pea is insisting we put up the Christmas tree and decorate the house. There are three females in my house, no males. The tallest of us is only 5'2" and one of them has fur and no thumbs so is absolutely no help AT ALL. Why I chose a NINE FOOT Christmas tree, I am still not sure, but the thought of dragging that thing into the house and getting it set up is a bit overwhelming. Add to that, the fact that I don't own a ladder...well, you can imagine.
Wish me luck...I am off to unpack and decorate (and by that I mean: go watch football).
Thursday, November 26, 2009
thanks
I'm on vacation this week...I'm hangin' in New England with my family and trying to avoid the computer; I wanted to check in, though, and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, and give a few updates. Ok...Happy Thanksgiving! I am off Match again and suspect I will drop the account when I get to the end of my 6 months. It was a fun ride, I learned a lot about dating (since I had never really done it), and I am glad that it is an option for meeting new people; I am just tired of it...regardless of how much fun a ride, sooner or later, you gotta get off. I am gonna join the gym that Dancergirl goes to as soon as I get home. It boiled down to most bang for the buck and that particular one has the most classes...I like classes, especially yoga. I still don't have a job, but I applied for one last week that I REALLY want, cross your fingers for me.
Alright...I am off to enjoy the family, the food, and the football...it is going to be a damn near perfect day for me. In case YOU are huddled in a corner with your laptop and a bottle of vodka in order to avoid dealing with your crazy family though (just sayin'...not like I have ever been there or anything) and want some light reading, here are a few of my favorite older posts:
http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-turkey-day.html
http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/06/boo-boos-vs-boobies.html
http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/08/hazards-of-being-single.html
Thank you all for reading, for being a part of my lovely life, and for your support and encouragement when I needed it the most...thank you, thank you, thank you!
Alright...I am off to enjoy the family, the food, and the football...it is going to be a damn near perfect day for me. In case YOU are huddled in a corner with your laptop and a bottle of vodka in order to avoid dealing with your crazy family though (just sayin'...not like I have ever been there or anything) and want some light reading, here are a few of my favorite older posts:
http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/happy-turkey-day.html
http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/06/boo-boos-vs-boobies.html
http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/08/hazards-of-being-single.html
Thank you all for reading, for being a part of my lovely life, and for your support and encouragement when I needed it the most...thank you, thank you, thank you!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
oh dear
Oh dear God I hurt...every muscle in my body is sore...I think I strained my spleen. A workout queen I am, NO LONGER. I think it speaks volumes about the class and the teacher that I am equally sore all over, she worked us good, however, as a result I am unable to perform any duty that requires movement. I am having trouble typing.
I am one of those people that actually loves working out...I really do like it...I like to sweat, I like the burn, I love the endorphin release...I do not like being out of shape. Right now, I am out of shape. I started running a few months ago, even though I HATE it and am no good at it, because I was struggling to find time to do anything else and it is the fastest way to get your heart rate up. Now that I do have time for workouts, other than running, I am on a mission to get back in shape and yesterday I tried to cram 6 months worth of aerobics and weights into 2 hours. I KNOW better, and I still couldn't stop myself.
So now that I am back in to the game it is time to join a gym. The gym I used to go to is out of business and I have 4 others to choose from that are nearby. The one I want to join is crazy expensive so that one is out, that leaves 3 others. Dancergirl is a member at one, the one I went to yesterday and had my ass kicked at...Betty is a member at another, and it is like the Dancergirls', only nicer (and a bit pricier) and the last is the "singles" gym. The singles gym is not ACTUALLY a gym for singles, it's not like you check your wedding band at the door, it just has the reputation of being the place where all the young, single, hotties workout.
Every gym seems to have a personality, and a certain clientele. Betty's is the one where all the "housewives" go during the day and do hours and hours of Pilates...they all have long lean bodies and perfectly coiffed hair. At Dancergirls' there is an interesting mix of gym rats, retirees, and real mommies...the gym rats are quietly working themselves to rock hard bodies, the retirees are swimming or wandering aimlessly, the mommies are trying to workout as fast as they can so they have a few minutes of peace and quiet to talk to another adult or take a shower before they have to pick up their little ones from the child care. The singles gym is a ghost town during the day, except for the occasional bartender or college student, because their clientele is all working...come 5:30, the place is mobbed with the young, hip, in shape, and perfectly attired. I don't really fit at any of them, but I have to make a decision and join one so I can get back in shape.
Checking out all these gyms and taking more classes will require me getting up out of this chair however, and I am not sure that is an option. I am sending signals from my brain to my legs, but my legs are not listening..and I can't lift my arms...and oh ouch...laughing hurts too. Oh dear...
I am one of those people that actually loves working out...I really do like it...I like to sweat, I like the burn, I love the endorphin release...I do not like being out of shape. Right now, I am out of shape. I started running a few months ago, even though I HATE it and am no good at it, because I was struggling to find time to do anything else and it is the fastest way to get your heart rate up. Now that I do have time for workouts, other than running, I am on a mission to get back in shape and yesterday I tried to cram 6 months worth of aerobics and weights into 2 hours. I KNOW better, and I still couldn't stop myself.
So now that I am back in to the game it is time to join a gym. The gym I used to go to is out of business and I have 4 others to choose from that are nearby. The one I want to join is crazy expensive so that one is out, that leaves 3 others. Dancergirl is a member at one, the one I went to yesterday and had my ass kicked at...Betty is a member at another, and it is like the Dancergirls', only nicer (and a bit pricier) and the last is the "singles" gym. The singles gym is not ACTUALLY a gym for singles, it's not like you check your wedding band at the door, it just has the reputation of being the place where all the young, single, hotties workout.
Every gym seems to have a personality, and a certain clientele. Betty's is the one where all the "housewives" go during the day and do hours and hours of Pilates...they all have long lean bodies and perfectly coiffed hair. At Dancergirls' there is an interesting mix of gym rats, retirees, and real mommies...the gym rats are quietly working themselves to rock hard bodies, the retirees are swimming or wandering aimlessly, the mommies are trying to workout as fast as they can so they have a few minutes of peace and quiet to talk to another adult or take a shower before they have to pick up their little ones from the child care. The singles gym is a ghost town during the day, except for the occasional bartender or college student, because their clientele is all working...come 5:30, the place is mobbed with the young, hip, in shape, and perfectly attired. I don't really fit at any of them, but I have to make a decision and join one so I can get back in shape.
Checking out all these gyms and taking more classes will require me getting up out of this chair however, and I am not sure that is an option. I am sending signals from my brain to my legs, but my legs are not listening..and I can't lift my arms...and oh ouch...laughing hurts too. Oh dear...
Monday, November 16, 2009
wrong shui, again
Wow...it has been almost a week...yikes. Things have been going well...a few funk days, but overall still enjoying the whole unemployment deal and trying to stay focused and productive. Today I went to the gym with Dancergirl and we took an hour and a half aerobics class that left us both totally exhausted. It was great being back in there and it got me motivated to get a bunch of stuff done this afternoon. Was off the radar last week because I went out of town to see JD, Elliott, Booya, Dr Cox, and NY. JD bought a house a while back and had his housewarming on Thursday night...it made me remember this old post and I thought I would re-run it since there is much to do, a game starting soon, and I don't have a story...enjoy: http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/09/wrong-shui.html
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
crazy carnival ride
*Cue the crazy carnival music*
I am back on the Match ride...oh lord.
My profile has been invisible for quite some time now; I got overwhelmed with the whole deal, and really liked both Philly and Coach and didn't want to date anyone else, so I just bagged it, and disappeared. After Philly and I called it quits I thought about going back on, but right about that time Coach became a little more available, I started hanging with NY some and thought maybe, AND I lost my job so didn't feel like I had all that much to offer a perspective mate. I still had the membership, cuz it was one of those 6 month deals, but I wasn't doing much with it...until today. Today, I became visible again, even though I DIDN'T realize it, and now I am considering jumping back in. Of course, I could go back NOW (that I do know) and make it invisible again, but that would require some work (sign in, click, key stroke, sign out) and I dunno...it WILL give me something to write about...hmmmmmm.
See...the way Match works, even if you have an invisible profile, people who have contacted you in the past can still contact you (thus the whole NewPhilly deal, which BTW, no...no, no, no, no...met him, nice guy...uhm, NO) and they continue to send you matches every day, on the off chance that one catches your eye, I guess. I suppose I could cancel my membership all together, and make them stop sending the emails, but since things with Coach seem to be a remote possibility at best, and neither NY or I are ready to make the jump past buds, I have kept it. I continue to look at the emails every day, and always at the back of my mind thought: IF someone catches my eye I will sign back in, send them an email, and make my profile visible BUT, that has yet to happen. Part of the problem is when I originally signed up I had a very broad search criteria (male, pulse, living in NC) so, the matches they have been sending lately have been eh at best, and living mostly 200 miles away.
[Long story longer]
Today, when I got the email and ALL lived in a city not anywhere near here, I finally decided f*ck it, I'm gonna go in and change my criteria, get REALLY picky (male, pulse, living within 30 miles of here, under 45, non-smoker). In order to do this you have to sign in, go to the profile section, and edit. The profile section is all about you and what you are looking for...I went through, changed a few things, and saved it. A screen popped up with a disclaimer something to the effect of "are ya sure this time jackass? and oh by the way if you wanna make your profile invisible go to the blah blah blah blah whatever..." I just clicked ok, signed off, and didn't give it another thought other than "finally, I might get some dudes that actually interest me."
When I came back to the computer tonight I had 7 emails from Match...three of them messages from guys I have never seen before. WTF? Uh, oh...
APPARENTLY, when you make any change AT ALL to your profile, they send it in for approval and then make it visible, REGARDLESS of the status beforehand...had I read the disclaimer all the way through I would have known that....ahahahahahahahahaaaa.
Here we go again....wheeeeeeeee.
The problem for me is this: regardless of what you say you WANT, any guy who wants to can contact you, and the ones that you want to, may not. I am trying to keep an open mind and give some of the guys a chance because Booya, Dr Cox, and all my girls think I need to expand my horizons, BUT...just so y'all get an idea of the caliber of guys contacting me, why I got overwhelmed in the first place, and WHY I latched on to the only two that I clicked with AT ALL...here are two of the emails I got JUST TODAY...cut and pasted, I am not making this shit up:
your to funny say what you mean and mean what you say...so how are you doin?
A hi, hello, something would have been good, and I think what he meant was "you're too funny..." and then some sort of sign off would have been good as well, but that's just me...next.
funny lady!!you are so sweet and super sexy.i love your smile it is the sunshine in chapel hill.i like you moreso because you are so wonderful and a princess and id love to know you.
Ok, let's forget for just one second the creeptacularness that this message exudes and lemme point out two big giant things 1)my smile is the sunshine in a city? huh? I am confused, I tend to want to actually understand the men I am dating and 2) on NO planet am I a princess (and not all that sweet, but ok) not even close...I even say in my profile "I am one of the guys, and it is starting to piss me off...I am not ready to give up football or beer, but I want to be the girlfriend, rather than the buddy." Seriously...does that sound like something a princess would say?
Not sure if that is carnival ride music or the soundtrack from Psycho I am hearing, but mind is open...I am ready...to...gooooooo...maybe...oh...dear...God...I will let you know tomorrow if I have hung in there or if I am invisible again...anyone got any Dramamine?
I am back on the Match ride...oh lord.
My profile has been invisible for quite some time now; I got overwhelmed with the whole deal, and really liked both Philly and Coach and didn't want to date anyone else, so I just bagged it, and disappeared. After Philly and I called it quits I thought about going back on, but right about that time Coach became a little more available, I started hanging with NY some and thought maybe, AND I lost my job so didn't feel like I had all that much to offer a perspective mate. I still had the membership, cuz it was one of those 6 month deals, but I wasn't doing much with it...until today. Today, I became visible again, even though I DIDN'T realize it, and now I am considering jumping back in. Of course, I could go back NOW (that I do know) and make it invisible again, but that would require some work (sign in, click, key stroke, sign out) and I dunno...it WILL give me something to write about...hmmmmmm.
See...the way Match works, even if you have an invisible profile, people who have contacted you in the past can still contact you (thus the whole NewPhilly deal, which BTW, no...no, no, no, no...met him, nice guy...uhm, NO) and they continue to send you matches every day, on the off chance that one catches your eye, I guess. I suppose I could cancel my membership all together, and make them stop sending the emails, but since things with Coach seem to be a remote possibility at best, and neither NY or I are ready to make the jump past buds, I have kept it. I continue to look at the emails every day, and always at the back of my mind thought: IF someone catches my eye I will sign back in, send them an email, and make my profile visible BUT, that has yet to happen. Part of the problem is when I originally signed up I had a very broad search criteria (male, pulse, living in NC) so, the matches they have been sending lately have been eh at best, and living mostly 200 miles away.
[Long story longer]
Today, when I got the email and ALL lived in a city not anywhere near here, I finally decided f*ck it, I'm gonna go in and change my criteria, get REALLY picky (male, pulse, living within 30 miles of here, under 45, non-smoker). In order to do this you have to sign in, go to the profile section, and edit. The profile section is all about you and what you are looking for...I went through, changed a few things, and saved it. A screen popped up with a disclaimer something to the effect of "are ya sure this time jackass? and oh by the way if you wanna make your profile invisible go to the blah blah blah blah whatever..." I just clicked ok, signed off, and didn't give it another thought other than "finally, I might get some dudes that actually interest me."
When I came back to the computer tonight I had 7 emails from Match...three of them messages from guys I have never seen before. WTF? Uh, oh...
APPARENTLY, when you make any change AT ALL to your profile, they send it in for approval and then make it visible, REGARDLESS of the status beforehand...had I read the disclaimer all the way through I would have known that....ahahahahahahahahaaaa.
Here we go again....wheeeeeeeee.
The problem for me is this: regardless of what you say you WANT, any guy who wants to can contact you, and the ones that you want to, may not. I am trying to keep an open mind and give some of the guys a chance because Booya, Dr Cox, and all my girls think I need to expand my horizons, BUT...just so y'all get an idea of the caliber of guys contacting me, why I got overwhelmed in the first place, and WHY I latched on to the only two that I clicked with AT ALL...here are two of the emails I got JUST TODAY...cut and pasted, I am not making this shit up:
your to funny say what you mean and mean what you say...so how are you doin?
A hi, hello, something would have been good, and I think what he meant was "you're too funny..." and then some sort of sign off would have been good as well, but that's just me...next.
funny lady!!you are so sweet and super sexy.i love your smile it is the sunshine in chapel hill.i like you moreso because you are so wonderful and a princess and id love to know you.
Ok, let's forget for just one second the creeptacularness that this message exudes and lemme point out two big giant things 1)my smile is the sunshine in a city? huh? I am confused, I tend to want to actually understand the men I am dating and 2) on NO planet am I a princess (and not all that sweet, but ok) not even close...I even say in my profile "I am one of the guys, and it is starting to piss me off...I am not ready to give up football or beer, but I want to be the girlfriend, rather than the buddy." Seriously...does that sound like something a princess would say?
Not sure if that is carnival ride music or the soundtrack from Psycho I am hearing, but mind is open...I am ready...to...gooooooo...maybe...oh...dear...God...I will let you know tomorrow if I have hung in there or if I am invisible again...anyone got any Dramamine?
babbling
Well...I don't know what to write...I am in a writing funk...I want to talk about Veterans Day, the war...maybe touch on how lucky we are to be living in this country and have people willing to defend it every day, I just can't seem to form a cohesive thought. I have written a few half sentences and then deleted them and now I am just babbling.
An AP article out today said America is in a funk...ya think? We are pissed about the economy, the war, the overall outlook, and our president. Apparently everyone thought he was gonna waive his magic wand and all would be right in the world, and now a year later, not so much. Really? Cuz I know I didn't think he could do a damn bit of good, and while I am sure there were a few out there who thought he was the second coming, I for one knew not even Jesus could save our economy, end the war, and make all right with the world...anyone with half a brain had to know that. Not sure if the AP was just grasping for straws and it being a light news day decided to comment on the obvious or what, but pretty sure I didn't need to read it in the newspaper to figure that one out...thanks though.
On a good note, I am pretty much out of my funk, still can't write, but I'm smiling about it...I like to be one step ahead of trends so it is working out well. Yesterday the Pea and I had an awesome day and I actually enjoyed being unemployed. It helped I paid all my bills for the month, budgeted for the next two months, and then vowed to not worry about money...it is easier said than done, but I have found that if I only worry about how to get through today, and not the next or the one after that, it is a whole lot easier. Today is rainy and gross and the Pea are staying in as much as possible. We have to venture out later to go to the doctor, but I tend to want to hibernate on days like today, so I suspect there will be tv, and naps, in our near future.
Well...that is all I got...wish my brain was working better and I could actually write something well thought out and meaningful, but it's not, so I can't. Thank you veterans...thank you for serving our country and keeping us safe and protecting our freedom, and our right to be in a funk. Ok, NOW all I can think about it that stupid song Funkytown...so of course I went to YouTube and found the most ridiculous clip to share with you. Enjoy...or just feel embarassed for the girl in the video...either way...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co0eAPEVDpM&feature=related
An AP article out today said America is in a funk...ya think? We are pissed about the economy, the war, the overall outlook, and our president. Apparently everyone thought he was gonna waive his magic wand and all would be right in the world, and now a year later, not so much. Really? Cuz I know I didn't think he could do a damn bit of good, and while I am sure there were a few out there who thought he was the second coming, I for one knew not even Jesus could save our economy, end the war, and make all right with the world...anyone with half a brain had to know that. Not sure if the AP was just grasping for straws and it being a light news day decided to comment on the obvious or what, but pretty sure I didn't need to read it in the newspaper to figure that one out...thanks though.
On a good note, I am pretty much out of my funk, still can't write, but I'm smiling about it...I like to be one step ahead of trends so it is working out well. Yesterday the Pea and I had an awesome day and I actually enjoyed being unemployed. It helped I paid all my bills for the month, budgeted for the next two months, and then vowed to not worry about money...it is easier said than done, but I have found that if I only worry about how to get through today, and not the next or the one after that, it is a whole lot easier. Today is rainy and gross and the Pea are staying in as much as possible. We have to venture out later to go to the doctor, but I tend to want to hibernate on days like today, so I suspect there will be tv, and naps, in our near future.
Well...that is all I got...wish my brain was working better and I could actually write something well thought out and meaningful, but it's not, so I can't. Thank you veterans...thank you for serving our country and keeping us safe and protecting our freedom, and our right to be in a funk. Ok, NOW all I can think about it that stupid song Funkytown...so of course I went to YouTube and found the most ridiculous clip to share with you. Enjoy...or just feel embarassed for the girl in the video...either way...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co0eAPEVDpM&feature=related
Monday, November 9, 2009
plan b
Dr Cox, I have a plan B!
The other day I called Dr Cox from the beach to ask him how his day was going, since mine was at a stand still. I was enjoying it, just hanging out, watching the waves, but I wasn't actually accomplishing anything and wanted to check in with someone who might have been. Turns out he wasn't doing much either.
Him: "So, have you found a job yet?"
Me: "Uhm, nope...I am gonna win the lotto...it is at 80 million and I am pretty sure I can live on that."
Him: "That is your plan A?"
Me: "Pretty much."
Him: "Ya know, it is really like 40 million, and after taxes like twelve...dollars, not millions."
Me: "I don't have a plan B."
Him: "Let me know how that works out for you."
Well, I forgot to buy a ticket...the day got away from me, next thing I knew it was Sunday. Damn.
Today I ended up hanging out with a friend, drinking coffee on the deck of another friend's (well acquaintance...) house and the whole sugar daddy conversation came up. Turns out we know some rich single guys who are looking...moooohahahhhahahahaha...Plan B!
The day before I left work I was talking to the girls in the office and words sugar and daddy got tossed about and while we laughed and had fun with it, I left thinking "No way in hell...I will make my own sugar thank you very much." It's funny, because if I were loaded, I wouldn't think twice about taking care of someone I loved. I would want them hanging out with me, not working, so it would be win win to take care of them, but when I think about it going the other way I just get skeeved. I am thinking about the show "The Real Housewives of..." and the girls who weren't married to, but were being taken care of by those rich guys...oh sure on the outside it seemed cool, but I wondered how much freedom those women actually had. Could they really just go off and do whatever and spend whatever or were they constantly having to justify it and be at the man's beck and call? How much quality time did they get with their guys to hang out and enjoy that money together? It seems like it would be a very lonely life...sitting around waiting for him to make time while he justified not with "go buy yourself something pretty."
Oh well...in any case, I now have a plan A AND a plan B, so I should be fine...I will let you know how they work out.
The other day I called Dr Cox from the beach to ask him how his day was going, since mine was at a stand still. I was enjoying it, just hanging out, watching the waves, but I wasn't actually accomplishing anything and wanted to check in with someone who might have been. Turns out he wasn't doing much either.
Him: "So, have you found a job yet?"
Me: "Uhm, nope...I am gonna win the lotto...it is at 80 million and I am pretty sure I can live on that."
Him: "That is your plan A?"
Me: "Pretty much."
Him: "Ya know, it is really like 40 million, and after taxes like twelve...dollars, not millions."
Me: "I don't have a plan B."
Him: "Let me know how that works out for you."
Well, I forgot to buy a ticket...the day got away from me, next thing I knew it was Sunday. Damn.
Today I ended up hanging out with a friend, drinking coffee on the deck of another friend's (well acquaintance...) house and the whole sugar daddy conversation came up. Turns out we know some rich single guys who are looking...moooohahahhhahahahaha...Plan B!
The day before I left work I was talking to the girls in the office and words sugar and daddy got tossed about and while we laughed and had fun with it, I left thinking "No way in hell...I will make my own sugar thank you very much." It's funny, because if I were loaded, I wouldn't think twice about taking care of someone I loved. I would want them hanging out with me, not working, so it would be win win to take care of them, but when I think about it going the other way I just get skeeved. I am thinking about the show "The Real Housewives of..." and the girls who weren't married to, but were being taken care of by those rich guys...oh sure on the outside it seemed cool, but I wondered how much freedom those women actually had. Could they really just go off and do whatever and spend whatever or were they constantly having to justify it and be at the man's beck and call? How much quality time did they get with their guys to hang out and enjoy that money together? It seems like it would be a very lonely life...sitting around waiting for him to make time while he justified not with "go buy yourself something pretty."
Oh well...in any case, I now have a plan A AND a plan B, so I should be fine...I will let you know how they work out.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
in touch
Today was one of those "in touch" days...seemed like I spent the whole day on the phone. It was nice...talked to Smash and Booya early in the day...NY and Dude checked in with me this evening...just got off the phone with Mclovin. I love hearing from people I haven't in awhile. I should have called my dad, it was his birthday, and now it is too late, but every time I tried either the phone rang, or something came up. I had Dancergirl's baby boy today and he and Pea were a handful. We went to the park this afternoon for a picnic lunch and to get some energy out and they ran like mad around the playground for over and hour. I was exhausted just watching them.
The Pea and I are back on good terms...we never made it to DD this morning, but she did have one of her birthday cupcakes (which had sprinkles, so same effect) so she was happy, and tonight she went to bed without a fight. I can hear her snoring as I type...awwww.
The week ahead looks busy, which is good because I do better when I am, and then after that getting ready for our trip up north...we are both already excited and crossing our fingers for good weather. It will be good to reconnect with the family up there and recharge my batteries. I always love going up, but I also always come home with a renewed appreciation for NC. It will be good to get away from all things real and ugly here and maybe when I get back I will be able to get busy on those things on that to-do list that is still taunting from the kitchen counter.
Also taunting from the kitchen counter is the phone...which has been chirping with texts so I better go...big smile...thanks for checkin' in all.
The Pea and I are back on good terms...we never made it to DD this morning, but she did have one of her birthday cupcakes (which had sprinkles, so same effect) so she was happy, and tonight she went to bed without a fight. I can hear her snoring as I type...awwww.
The week ahead looks busy, which is good because I do better when I am, and then after that getting ready for our trip up north...we are both already excited and crossing our fingers for good weather. It will be good to reconnect with the family up there and recharge my batteries. I always love going up, but I also always come home with a renewed appreciation for NC. It will be good to get away from all things real and ugly here and maybe when I get back I will be able to get busy on those things on that to-do list that is still taunting from the kitchen counter.
Also taunting from the kitchen counter is the phone...which has been chirping with texts so I better go...big smile...thanks for checkin' in all.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
sprinkle doughnut
Tonight I f*cked up...I got angry at the Pea and yelled at her, and she didn't deserve it. I hate when I do that...I hate that I get mad at her when what I am really mad at is myself and my life. She didn't want to go to bed, and I wanted her to; after I read her her books and tucked her in she got up and went running down the hall, and instead of laughing it off or just going and getting her, I yelled. She went to bed upset and now I am upset. What I want to do now is wake her up and apologize, but that would just be selfish, so here I sit, writing about it.
Being a parent is hard...being a good parent is really damn hard...being a really good parent all by yourself: nearly impossible. The saying "it takes a village..." yeah, it does. I have found that single moms tend to do one of three things to manage the raising of their kid(s) if they can't afford to hire help: they 1) get a man, any man, and latch on for dear life (not usually a good idea and tends to leave one alone again, down the line, and looking for another one) 2) enlist the help of the grandparents (usually the best idea, and often the most feasible...in my case, not so much) or 3) gather up other single mommy friends and form a "village" of one's own. Dancergirl and I have taken this route and formed ourselves a little family. We haven't taken to living together or anything, but we are like sisters, and our kids like siblings, and I don't know how I would be making it right now without her.
Not only do we take each other's kids on a regular basis so the other can work, run errands, date, or just be alone, but we hang out together a lot and talk, while the kids play. We talk about the usual stuff girlfriends talk about, but we also talk about how scary it is to be doing this alone...how nice it would be to have someone else do the dishes, just once...or how great it will be when the kids are old enough to help with the laundry. We talk about not wanting to settle or take the "get a man, any man" route, but how easy it would be to do some days...and we talk about how we just want to be good mommies. We want to play and have fun with the kids, we want to provide them with a nice safe life, we want to help them grow up to be good people...just like married mommies do.
I guess, just like any parent, married or not, what I need to do is strive to do better next time. I can't go back and not yell, even though I wish I could, but I CAN apologize to her in the morning, and give her a big hug and kiss...and then take her to DD for a sprinkle doughnut...wouldn't it be great if all of our f*ck ups could be fixed with a sprinkle doughnut?
Being a parent is hard...being a good parent is really damn hard...being a really good parent all by yourself: nearly impossible. The saying "it takes a village..." yeah, it does. I have found that single moms tend to do one of three things to manage the raising of their kid(s) if they can't afford to hire help: they 1) get a man, any man, and latch on for dear life (not usually a good idea and tends to leave one alone again, down the line, and looking for another one) 2) enlist the help of the grandparents (usually the best idea, and often the most feasible...in my case, not so much) or 3) gather up other single mommy friends and form a "village" of one's own. Dancergirl and I have taken this route and formed ourselves a little family. We haven't taken to living together or anything, but we are like sisters, and our kids like siblings, and I don't know how I would be making it right now without her.
Not only do we take each other's kids on a regular basis so the other can work, run errands, date, or just be alone, but we hang out together a lot and talk, while the kids play. We talk about the usual stuff girlfriends talk about, but we also talk about how scary it is to be doing this alone...how nice it would be to have someone else do the dishes, just once...or how great it will be when the kids are old enough to help with the laundry. We talk about not wanting to settle or take the "get a man, any man" route, but how easy it would be to do some days...and we talk about how we just want to be good mommies. We want to play and have fun with the kids, we want to provide them with a nice safe life, we want to help them grow up to be good people...just like married mommies do.
I guess, just like any parent, married or not, what I need to do is strive to do better next time. I can't go back and not yell, even though I wish I could, but I CAN apologize to her in the morning, and give her a big hug and kiss...and then take her to DD for a sprinkle doughnut...wouldn't it be great if all of our f*ck ups could be fixed with a sprinkle doughnut?
Friday, November 6, 2009
tgif
I think I am out of the funk. Went out to dinner with Booya, JD, Elliott, Jojo, DrCox, and NY the other night and they lifted my spirits and helped me renew my faith...thanks guys! I hadn't seen JD or Booya in months and reconnecting is always a happy time, plus I was able to vent about the whole job deal to people who are still there and understand...or rather who don't understand either. The great thing about friends who love you unconditionally is they help you see the good in yourself when you can't. They also don't let you get too far into pity without a swift kick and an "ok, that's enough of that crap...suck it up."
I spent all day yesterday hanging with the Pea, playing, and resting...and didn't beat myself up one bit for not having a job or where I am in life right now. Today I will get to work applying for new jobs, workout, and enjoy the day, and hopefully by tonight have a little something more to write about.
I spent all day yesterday hanging with the Pea, playing, and resting...and didn't beat myself up one bit for not having a job or where I am in life right now. Today I will get to work applying for new jobs, workout, and enjoy the day, and hopefully by tonight have a little something more to write about.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
to clarify
Well, I just got off the phone with DH and I need to clarify a few things...a reader made a phone call to him, everybody is all in a tizzy...oh the drama. Ok 1) apparently he did not say damaged...I remember damaged, he does not...affected...he said affected. 2) I never had a lesbian affair...I am still unsure of where this came from but at some point in the past I said something that was taken as such and he wants it out there in the universe that I did not, so the Pea does not hear of such things (which to be honest would not be all that bad I don't think, but there ya go...) and 3) he was at the birth of our child...he slept through only the first part of my labor, while I was still at home...he drove me to the hospital, stayed there throughout, rubbed my back and cut the cord...I don't remember what exactly I said he did or didn't in my birth story, about to go back and re-read now just to humor myself, but if I led anyone to believe otherwise, sorry.
Here is the birth story: http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2009/05/birth.html
Still not sure where the lesbian thing came from...huh.
Here is the birth story: http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2009/05/birth.html
Still not sure where the lesbian thing came from...huh.
the day
The Pea is still sound asleep...she had a big day yesterday. We had a great lunch at the beach, fun at the park, went shopping for her present, a party at her school, and then home, where she played with Dancergirl's little guy while Betty and I talked and drank wine.
Betty and I talked about the usual...work, men, kids, upcoming events, etc. I talked about Coach, since I finally got to see him in action, and then got to spend time with him on Monday night, she talked mostly about work since she has been so busy with hers, and we both talked about having little girls.
I think we get the kids we are meant to parent...I think our kids teach and mold us as much (if not more) than we do them. I always thought boys would be better, easier to parent, and more my speed and yet I cannot imagine having anything BUT a little girl at this point. She is my pal, my bud, my mini me, who I get to parent the way I wish I had been. She is the age now that I was when mom left B. With every new age and stage I think back to my childhood and try to make sure that I do a better job than they did...I am far from perfect, but I would like to think I learned enough to not make the SAME mistakes. I am a fairly strict parent, and firm, and it kills me sometimes to NOT give into her because I want her to be happy; it is days like yesterday that I realize the stuff that really makes her happy, and saying no to candy or more TV is ok. The things she got MOST excited about yesterday: ranch dressing, new pjs, the park, seeing me hang upside down on the monkey bars (which gotta say kinda made my day too, it has been YEARS since I did that), presents in the mail, reading new books, sleeping in my bed.
The other night, in a conversation with DH, he indicated that the Pea was forever "damaged" by our divorce, and used me and my life as an example of what divorced parents do to a kid and boy did I get mad...I am still mad, and he doesn't understand why. I think as humans we are all to some extent "damaged" although I HATE that word...there is not one person on this planet over the age of two that hasn't been hurt, betrayed, let down, or abandoned in some way, and every time that happens it changes us. Every heartbreak forces us to grow...some it makes bitter and cold, others it makes more grateful for future triumph. DH indicated that for the Pea it is over...no matter what we do or how we parent now, she is screwed, and if we had stayed together that wouldn't be the case...HELL. NO. I started to point to examples of screwed up people all over the place whose parents stayed together (I used him as one) but then stopped cuz I thought "what is the point?" It has become painfully obvious that some people, he included, just don't get it. It isn't about yesterday or a year ago or what happens TO us that matters, but rather today, right now and what we DO...what we choose now. The stuff that happens to us, especially the bad, sucks...especially if we lose someone we love, but giving up, labeling oneself damaged, and sitting out the rest of life waiting to die?
When Jojo came into work after losing her son she said to me "Yeah I am hurting...I am hurt and mad and sad, but I have to honor the day...I have to accept that God saw fit for ME to still be here so I have to honor Him and be thankful for the day, put one foot in front of the other, and move through it." I will NEVER forget that. Yesterday the Pea and I honored the day...it wasn't the perfect four year old birthday I had imagined for her back when she was first born and I was determined to give her the life I didn't have...the one with pony rides, and a pretty dress, and two parents madly in love doting on her, but it was good enough, and she was happy.
Plus, I got to swing on the swings and hang upside down on the monkey bars, which I now highly recommend to all of you out there who haven't done it in awhile. You might wanna borrow a kid if you don't have one of your own, cuz showing up on a playground by yourself could get you pegged as "damaged"...as one who is though, I must say: it isn't all that bad.
Betty and I talked about the usual...work, men, kids, upcoming events, etc. I talked about Coach, since I finally got to see him in action, and then got to spend time with him on Monday night, she talked mostly about work since she has been so busy with hers, and we both talked about having little girls.
I think we get the kids we are meant to parent...I think our kids teach and mold us as much (if not more) than we do them. I always thought boys would be better, easier to parent, and more my speed and yet I cannot imagine having anything BUT a little girl at this point. She is my pal, my bud, my mini me, who I get to parent the way I wish I had been. She is the age now that I was when mom left B. With every new age and stage I think back to my childhood and try to make sure that I do a better job than they did...I am far from perfect, but I would like to think I learned enough to not make the SAME mistakes. I am a fairly strict parent, and firm, and it kills me sometimes to NOT give into her because I want her to be happy; it is days like yesterday that I realize the stuff that really makes her happy, and saying no to candy or more TV is ok. The things she got MOST excited about yesterday: ranch dressing, new pjs, the park, seeing me hang upside down on the monkey bars (which gotta say kinda made my day too, it has been YEARS since I did that), presents in the mail, reading new books, sleeping in my bed.
The other night, in a conversation with DH, he indicated that the Pea was forever "damaged" by our divorce, and used me and my life as an example of what divorced parents do to a kid and boy did I get mad...I am still mad, and he doesn't understand why. I think as humans we are all to some extent "damaged" although I HATE that word...there is not one person on this planet over the age of two that hasn't been hurt, betrayed, let down, or abandoned in some way, and every time that happens it changes us. Every heartbreak forces us to grow...some it makes bitter and cold, others it makes more grateful for future triumph. DH indicated that for the Pea it is over...no matter what we do or how we parent now, she is screwed, and if we had stayed together that wouldn't be the case...HELL. NO. I started to point to examples of screwed up people all over the place whose parents stayed together (I used him as one) but then stopped cuz I thought "what is the point?" It has become painfully obvious that some people, he included, just don't get it. It isn't about yesterday or a year ago or what happens TO us that matters, but rather today, right now and what we DO...what we choose now. The stuff that happens to us, especially the bad, sucks...especially if we lose someone we love, but giving up, labeling oneself damaged, and sitting out the rest of life waiting to die?
When Jojo came into work after losing her son she said to me "Yeah I am hurting...I am hurt and mad and sad, but I have to honor the day...I have to accept that God saw fit for ME to still be here so I have to honor Him and be thankful for the day, put one foot in front of the other, and move through it." I will NEVER forget that. Yesterday the Pea and I honored the day...it wasn't the perfect four year old birthday I had imagined for her back when she was first born and I was determined to give her the life I didn't have...the one with pony rides, and a pretty dress, and two parents madly in love doting on her, but it was good enough, and she was happy.
Plus, I got to swing on the swings and hang upside down on the monkey bars, which I now highly recommend to all of you out there who haven't done it in awhile. You might wanna borrow a kid if you don't have one of your own, cuz showing up on a playground by yourself could get you pegged as "damaged"...as one who is though, I must say: it isn't all that bad.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
happy bday Pea
Happy Birthday Pea!!!!
It is my baby girl's birthday today...four years ago today was the happiest day of my life. Well, ok the first 20 hours not so happy, but by 10:15pm, very much so. Every day since then, she has provided the driving force in every decision of every day.
I am not doing so well unemployed, I have been floundering a bit, and in a funk, and this morning I resolved to change that. I got a gift, when I lost my job, of more time with the Pea...I would be at work today, get to only see her for a few hours tonight, and instead we have the whole day. We will go to lunch, have a party at her school, and then whatever else she wants to do, and I should be enjoying every minute of it, not worrying what the future will bring. I am scared to death of the possibility of not finding another job and the repercussions of that, but today, TODAY is the Pea's birthday and so instead of writing I will leave you with an old post that I re-read to inspire me, and go celebrate my little miracle.
It is my baby girl's birthday today...four years ago today was the happiest day of my life. Well, ok the first 20 hours not so happy, but by 10:15pm, very much so. Every day since then, she has provided the driving force in every decision of every day.
I am not doing so well unemployed, I have been floundering a bit, and in a funk, and this morning I resolved to change that. I got a gift, when I lost my job, of more time with the Pea...I would be at work today, get to only see her for a few hours tonight, and instead we have the whole day. We will go to lunch, have a party at her school, and then whatever else she wants to do, and I should be enjoying every minute of it, not worrying what the future will bring. I am scared to death of the possibility of not finding another job and the repercussions of that, but today, TODAY is the Pea's birthday and so instead of writing I will leave you with an old post that I re-read to inspire me, and go celebrate my little miracle.
Monday, November 2, 2009
pissedoffedness
I started Halloween by getting yelled at in the parking lot of a Dunkin Donuts by a woman with no teeth. Well, ok, she had SOME teeth, just not the ones in the front. Not sure exactly why she was yelling at me either, something to the effect of "I'll be out of your way in a minute, damn!" and as far as I was concerned she wasn't even in my way. I was minding my own business, trying to get the Pea out of her car seat and she was getting out of her car next to me...anyway, I went home and flossed...then brushed...then flossed again. I couldn't eat any candy after that either cuz all I could think of was that scary woman yelling at me and me just wanting her to shut her mouth. Of course, I would prolly be in general pissed off all the time if I had no teeth.
Speakin' of pissed off, the Pea ended up being the teeny tiniest most pissed off pumpkin that ever was, later that night. The Pea was a pumpkin for Halloween, and for some reason, a rather irritated one. She wanted to head out about 4pm and when I wouldn't let her she got pissed and stayed that way, there were a few bright spots through the night, but an overall air of pissedoffedness, that coming from less than 30lbs of baby girl, was just plain funny. Dancergirl and her little guy came over, we all had dinner together and then we set out for trick or treating. After a few houses the Pea decided she was done and headed for home, leaving the three of us stunned, and then me running after her. When we got home I thought she would enjoy handing out candy. Instead, whenever someone came to the house she rolled her eyes, stomped to the front door, pointed to the bowl, said "it's right there!" and then left them, a bit stunned, and stomped back to her perch on a bar stool in the kitchen, where she scowled at me while I talked on the phone to Smash.
Sunday was a lazy day for the most part, although we did head to Betty's for the afternoon game and dinner. Luckily by then the Pea was back to her usual happy self, and we had a nice night. This morning I have been fighting to stay motivated to do anything other than go back to bed...I do have to go assemble goodie bags for the Pea's birthday party, and now that I think about it will go do, and since I don't have anything more to report, or anything all that interesting, I will leave you with last years post about goodie boxes... http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/its-all-about-boxes.html
and then I will go floss again...just for good measure.
Speakin' of pissed off, the Pea ended up being the teeny tiniest most pissed off pumpkin that ever was, later that night. The Pea was a pumpkin for Halloween, and for some reason, a rather irritated one. She wanted to head out about 4pm and when I wouldn't let her she got pissed and stayed that way, there were a few bright spots through the night, but an overall air of pissedoffedness, that coming from less than 30lbs of baby girl, was just plain funny. Dancergirl and her little guy came over, we all had dinner together and then we set out for trick or treating. After a few houses the Pea decided she was done and headed for home, leaving the three of us stunned, and then me running after her. When we got home I thought she would enjoy handing out candy. Instead, whenever someone came to the house she rolled her eyes, stomped to the front door, pointed to the bowl, said "it's right there!" and then left them, a bit stunned, and stomped back to her perch on a bar stool in the kitchen, where she scowled at me while I talked on the phone to Smash.
Sunday was a lazy day for the most part, although we did head to Betty's for the afternoon game and dinner. Luckily by then the Pea was back to her usual happy self, and we had a nice night. This morning I have been fighting to stay motivated to do anything other than go back to bed...I do have to go assemble goodie bags for the Pea's birthday party, and now that I think about it will go do, and since I don't have anything more to report, or anything all that interesting, I will leave you with last years post about goodie boxes... http://crazyincarolina.blogspot.com/2008/11/its-all-about-boxes.html
and then I will go floss again...just for good measure.
Friday, October 30, 2009
day in the life
I remember a blog I once read that had a post "day in the life." Most of the posts were very philosophical and intellectual, but the one that just documented the day was the one I enjoyed the most. I thought, what the hell...this was my yesterday. The Pea was with her daddy last night, obviously if I had had her my night would have been quite different.
Started the day by getting the Pea set up in front of the TV with breakfast, making coffee, and taking a shower. I then, get dressed, get her clothes laid out, get her backpack packed...she not only needed her usual change of clothes and a spare, but also her Halloween costume, so she could show daddy. Drink coffee while watching Toot and Puddle with the Pea. Toot and Puddle are pigs...pigs who live together, in their perfect little house in the woods, and travel all over the world on adventures...I am very envious of Toot and Puddle and their adventures...also, they are both boys, think Ernie and Bert. The Pea gets herself dressed while Toot and Puddle muddle through the amazonian rain forest, and then I take her to school. I linger a bit longer than usual, the Pea holds my leg a bit longer than usual, the teacher finally pries us apart and politely pushes me out the door.
Back home, I get on the computer...check email, facebook, write in the private blog, write in this blog, check email again, go to TheFrisky.com and do some reading, decide I need more coffee. Realize there aren't enough coffee grinds for more than a half a cup, curse myself for not having more on hand, decide WTF...dump the tablespoon of new coffee grinds onto the old and run another pot. It's not too bad. Get back on the computer to look for jobs...curse myself for not having a copy of my resume and think about making a new one, decide instead to send messages on facebook and comment on people's status. Have texting conversation with Gigi, have texting conversation with NY.
Decide to apply for online writing job...get very excited, start filling out application. Get to section "List published articles and books, all press appearances, professional accolades" realize I have nothing to list, get frustrated and log off. Pick up my book, turn on SportsCenter, and lay on the couch to read. Read a few chapters, start to fall asleep, get pissed at myself for being a lazy slug, think about going for a run...decide instead to eat...cold pizza. Have texting conversation with Coach. Wander around the house aimlessly, not wanting to clean, but noticing all that needs to be cleaned, decide to go through the stack of mail that has been accumulating over the last month. Find overdue medical bill, panic...realize I can pay online, log back on computer and pay bill...decide while I am at it to pay other bills and balance checkbook, get sad. Smash calls (oh thank God) we talk for 40 minutes...I tell her the deal with Philly, we talk about NY and Coach, we get into a conversation about Pakistan, and then Obama, and then from there survival supplies in case of a disaster...we agree that the price on freeze dried strawberries is ridiculous...and then she is home, so we say goodbye. I check my pantry and realize my hurricane kit consists of one gallon of water and a candle, and think about doing something about that, but decide instead to go through my DVR. I delete programs I know I won't watch, set up new recordings, and end up watching two episodes of Grey's Anatomy, and one of The Office. Call Dancer Girl...we talk about men, money, the kids, and going trick or treating.
Get back on the computer, and remember I promised to call Matchdate # hmmmm, what are we up to? so scroll through old emails to find his number, realize he has the same name as Philly (with the same spelling which is sort of unusual) and am kind of weirded out. I call anyway, get voicemail (yay!) leave a message that I am on my way out to watch the game with some friends, and that I will call him another day. I take a shower, get in bed, turn on the game. Have texting conversation with NY. Coach calls...we talk about getting together, but don't make any actual plans to do so. I get up, get a beer, and realize I am hungry...I take my beer, and a plate of cheese and crackers, back to my bed and watch the rest of the game...make a mental note to self that tomorrow I should eat something other than cheese topped carbs.
New Matchdate guys calls, at first I am like "who the hell?" then I remember and answer. His voice is just like Philly's...his accent is just like Philly's...I mention the baseball game and he says "I am from Philly." I throw up a little in my mouth. I want to hang up the phone but he is just talking away...OH. MY. GOD. NewPhilly wants to get together sometime, but since the poor guy already has two strikes against him that he doesn't know about and has no control over, I feel bad. I know that the slightest thing is going to send me screaming from him, and he won't know what the hell happened.
I hang up, turn off the light, and try to sleep. I toss and turn for what feels like hours, finally fall asleep, and wake up this morning at 7. Without any real reason to get out of bed, I stay there until 9.
Started the day by getting the Pea set up in front of the TV with breakfast, making coffee, and taking a shower. I then, get dressed, get her clothes laid out, get her backpack packed...she not only needed her usual change of clothes and a spare, but also her Halloween costume, so she could show daddy. Drink coffee while watching Toot and Puddle with the Pea. Toot and Puddle are pigs...pigs who live together, in their perfect little house in the woods, and travel all over the world on adventures...I am very envious of Toot and Puddle and their adventures...also, they are both boys, think Ernie and Bert. The Pea gets herself dressed while Toot and Puddle muddle through the amazonian rain forest, and then I take her to school. I linger a bit longer than usual, the Pea holds my leg a bit longer than usual, the teacher finally pries us apart and politely pushes me out the door.
Back home, I get on the computer...check email, facebook, write in the private blog, write in this blog, check email again, go to TheFrisky.com and do some reading, decide I need more coffee. Realize there aren't enough coffee grinds for more than a half a cup, curse myself for not having more on hand, decide WTF...dump the tablespoon of new coffee grinds onto the old and run another pot. It's not too bad. Get back on the computer to look for jobs...curse myself for not having a copy of my resume and think about making a new one, decide instead to send messages on facebook and comment on people's status. Have texting conversation with Gigi, have texting conversation with NY.
Decide to apply for online writing job...get very excited, start filling out application. Get to section "List published articles and books, all press appearances, professional accolades" realize I have nothing to list, get frustrated and log off. Pick up my book, turn on SportsCenter, and lay on the couch to read. Read a few chapters, start to fall asleep, get pissed at myself for being a lazy slug, think about going for a run...decide instead to eat...cold pizza. Have texting conversation with Coach. Wander around the house aimlessly, not wanting to clean, but noticing all that needs to be cleaned, decide to go through the stack of mail that has been accumulating over the last month. Find overdue medical bill, panic...realize I can pay online, log back on computer and pay bill...decide while I am at it to pay other bills and balance checkbook, get sad. Smash calls (oh thank God) we talk for 40 minutes...I tell her the deal with Philly, we talk about NY and Coach, we get into a conversation about Pakistan, and then Obama, and then from there survival supplies in case of a disaster...we agree that the price on freeze dried strawberries is ridiculous...and then she is home, so we say goodbye. I check my pantry and realize my hurricane kit consists of one gallon of water and a candle, and think about doing something about that, but decide instead to go through my DVR. I delete programs I know I won't watch, set up new recordings, and end up watching two episodes of Grey's Anatomy, and one of The Office. Call Dancer Girl...we talk about men, money, the kids, and going trick or treating.
Get back on the computer, and remember I promised to call Matchdate # hmmmm, what are we up to? so scroll through old emails to find his number, realize he has the same name as Philly (with the same spelling which is sort of unusual) and am kind of weirded out. I call anyway, get voicemail (yay!) leave a message that I am on my way out to watch the game with some friends, and that I will call him another day. I take a shower, get in bed, turn on the game. Have texting conversation with NY. Coach calls...we talk about getting together, but don't make any actual plans to do so. I get up, get a beer, and realize I am hungry...I take my beer, and a plate of cheese and crackers, back to my bed and watch the rest of the game...make a mental note to self that tomorrow I should eat something other than cheese topped carbs.
New Matchdate guys calls, at first I am like "who the hell?" then I remember and answer. His voice is just like Philly's...his accent is just like Philly's...I mention the baseball game and he says "I am from Philly." I throw up a little in my mouth. I want to hang up the phone but he is just talking away...OH. MY. GOD. NewPhilly wants to get together sometime, but since the poor guy already has two strikes against him that he doesn't know about and has no control over, I feel bad. I know that the slightest thing is going to send me screaming from him, and he won't know what the hell happened.
I hang up, turn off the light, and try to sleep. I toss and turn for what feels like hours, finally fall asleep, and wake up this morning at 7. Without any real reason to get out of bed, I stay there until 9.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
catch up
A lot has happened the past few days...some good, some not so...a quick update and then some sh*t that doesn't s#ck...
Tuesday I had to go into work to sign some papers and say goodbye. Donning a visitors badge verses my regular badge was more a kick in the gut that I imagined it would be...I didn't like it much at all...it very much sucked. Signing papers that made the whole deal official...sucked bad. Having the man who decided to get rid of me play nice, condescend me, and pretend to "care" really sucked...for the record Boss Man: you can't yank the rug out from underneath some one's feet, put them between a rock and a hard place, force them to make a decision in a few days that they never imagined they would have to make at all, justify it all with the ol' "budget" argument when the company pissed away more than their salary at a convention the week before and expect anything BUT seething anger...I mean c'mon...seriously?
[short break while I do some yoga and deep breathing in order to prevent myself from having a stroke...]
Ok, then...so on a good note...oh wait, first more bad...pretty sure Philly and I are done. The stress of having the Yanks and the Phillies play each other in the World Series was just too much of a strain on the relationship and we called it quits last night...no, not really. The stress of everything else going on in our respective lives, yes, but even I am not one to walk away from someone over baseball...football perhaps, but not baseball. It just got too hard, and this early on and with everything else going on, I couldn't do hard. [So laughing out loud right now as my filthy little mind went straight to naughty...perhaps I should have said difficult.]
Now, for the good stuff. I have a new boy to add to my circle, welcome NY. Ever know someone for years, but not really know them, and then all of a sudden spend some time with them in a different setting and realize they are really cool? He was the last person I expected to be my shoulder for the last two weeks, but he was, and what a nice surprise. Another nice surprise...I got a tax refund...talk about good timing too. I know, I know, taxes should have been done back in April, if not before, but given DH and I had to work together to do them, it didn't actually happen until sometime near midnight on October 14th. The deposit into my account came this week, and because of all that was going on, I had forgotten it was coming, so yippee! Another yippee...Booya is on his way home!! He will be here tomorrow, and I can't wait to squeeze him. Last on my list of good stuff, I may FINALLY get to see Coach in action this weekend. Every game I planned on going to I never made it to, and it looks like this time it is actually gonna happen...fingers crossed nothing comes up, and it doesn't rain.
Ok, you are all caught up, and I promise to start writing more...more stories, more random thoughts, more musings on this lovely and confusing life...it's not like I don't have time. In the meantime, a little work humor for ya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hCgzvC028k
Tuesday I had to go into work to sign some papers and say goodbye. Donning a visitors badge verses my regular badge was more a kick in the gut that I imagined it would be...I didn't like it much at all...it very much sucked. Signing papers that made the whole deal official...sucked bad. Having the man who decided to get rid of me play nice, condescend me, and pretend to "care" really sucked...for the record Boss Man: you can't yank the rug out from underneath some one's feet, put them between a rock and a hard place, force them to make a decision in a few days that they never imagined they would have to make at all, justify it all with the ol' "budget" argument when the company pissed away more than their salary at a convention the week before and expect anything BUT seething anger...I mean c'mon...seriously?
[short break while I do some yoga and deep breathing in order to prevent myself from having a stroke...]
Ok, then...so on a good note...oh wait, first more bad...pretty sure Philly and I are done. The stress of having the Yanks and the Phillies play each other in the World Series was just too much of a strain on the relationship and we called it quits last night...no, not really. The stress of everything else going on in our respective lives, yes, but even I am not one to walk away from someone over baseball...football perhaps, but not baseball. It just got too hard, and this early on and with everything else going on, I couldn't do hard. [So laughing out loud right now as my filthy little mind went straight to naughty...perhaps I should have said difficult.]
Now, for the good stuff. I have a new boy to add to my circle, welcome NY. Ever know someone for years, but not really know them, and then all of a sudden spend some time with them in a different setting and realize they are really cool? He was the last person I expected to be my shoulder for the last two weeks, but he was, and what a nice surprise. Another nice surprise...I got a tax refund...talk about good timing too. I know, I know, taxes should have been done back in April, if not before, but given DH and I had to work together to do them, it didn't actually happen until sometime near midnight on October 14th. The deposit into my account came this week, and because of all that was going on, I had forgotten it was coming, so yippee! Another yippee...Booya is on his way home!! He will be here tomorrow, and I can't wait to squeeze him. Last on my list of good stuff, I may FINALLY get to see Coach in action this weekend. Every game I planned on going to I never made it to, and it looks like this time it is actually gonna happen...fingers crossed nothing comes up, and it doesn't rain.
Ok, you are all caught up, and I promise to start writing more...more stories, more random thoughts, more musings on this lovely and confusing life...it's not like I don't have time. In the meantime, a little work humor for ya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hCgzvC028k
Monday, October 26, 2009
polyester dreams
So the first "real" day of unemployment...very weird.
I made a list, last night, of all the things I wanted to accomplish this week. Some things I have wanted to get done for months and just haven't, a few are in an effort to secure a new job, and a few because of the job loss. To keep the Pea on a good schedule, and to prevent me from getting lazy and spending all day on the couch watching ESPN, I decided I would get up 7:30, get us both ready, and then spend the day working on my list while the Pea was at school. Well, I woke up at 7:29, yay for me, good start...I turned on the light and the Pea walked in "hey baby doll, g'mornin...wanna snuggle with mommy for a few minutes before we get up?" Next thing I knew it was 9:04...it is now 10:30...the Pea is finally at school, I am watching SportsCenter, the list is taunting me from the kitchen counter.
One of the things on the list is the rather obvious "GET A F*CKING JOB" and apparently it is weighing on me SO much that my subconscious already has me working. I had a dream I was a Hooters girl. There I was, in my too tight tank, teeny tiny heinous orange short shorts with my ass hanging out, and ridiculous knee socks, slinging wings. Then, as in dreams it is possible to do, it was suddenly the end of my shift and I was leaning against the counter counting my tips and telling one of the other girls how surprised I was I wasn't more tired, since I hadn't waitressed in so long, and wasn't used to being on my feet all day. I woke up in a panic because it was one of those really real dreams and I was embarrassed for myself...I am too old to be a Hooters girl, and don't look good in orange.
The dream has me a bit shaken...I had all this confidence last week that I would find a "real" job soon and not be left in a position that I would have to take one of those jobs that lends itself to a heinous polyester uniform, but I have been here before. I have never waitressed in a "real" restaurant, ya know with cloth napkins and pepper mills, where if you are part of the wait staff you can actually make a decent living and consider it a career. No, the extent of my waitressing experience has been while donning something gross and pretending to flirt with drunk ass morons who think they have done you a favor by giving you a dollar. Waffle House and Pure Gold...oh yeah...very unflattering brown stripes and far TOO flattering gold sequins.
I went to college on an academic scholarship, so everything from tuition to books was paid for...they drew the line at cute shoes though, so I needed to make some money and the Waffle House was the only place in town that was hiring at the time. I later got a bartending job which was a whole lot better, but for months I endured that awful polyester brown mess they called a uniform and slung hashbrowns "scattered, smothered, topped" and perfectly browned waffles. The Pure Gold gig was while I was in flight school, a decade later. Flight hours aren't cheap, and until I got a job working for the company that ran the flight school and was able to weasel free flight time, I had to endure gold sequins, and high heels, and sling $6 Budweisers.
I have no idea what job I will end up getting when it is all said and done, but God help me if I end up having to wear anything polyester, striped, or sequined...that really would be a nightmare.
I made a list, last night, of all the things I wanted to accomplish this week. Some things I have wanted to get done for months and just haven't, a few are in an effort to secure a new job, and a few because of the job loss. To keep the Pea on a good schedule, and to prevent me from getting lazy and spending all day on the couch watching ESPN, I decided I would get up 7:30, get us both ready, and then spend the day working on my list while the Pea was at school. Well, I woke up at 7:29, yay for me, good start...I turned on the light and the Pea walked in "hey baby doll, g'mornin...wanna snuggle with mommy for a few minutes before we get up?" Next thing I knew it was 9:04...it is now 10:30...the Pea is finally at school, I am watching SportsCenter, the list is taunting me from the kitchen counter.
One of the things on the list is the rather obvious "GET A F*CKING JOB" and apparently it is weighing on me SO much that my subconscious already has me working. I had a dream I was a Hooters girl. There I was, in my too tight tank, teeny tiny heinous orange short shorts with my ass hanging out, and ridiculous knee socks, slinging wings. Then, as in dreams it is possible to do, it was suddenly the end of my shift and I was leaning against the counter counting my tips and telling one of the other girls how surprised I was I wasn't more tired, since I hadn't waitressed in so long, and wasn't used to being on my feet all day. I woke up in a panic because it was one of those really real dreams and I was embarrassed for myself...I am too old to be a Hooters girl, and don't look good in orange.
The dream has me a bit shaken...I had all this confidence last week that I would find a "real" job soon and not be left in a position that I would have to take one of those jobs that lends itself to a heinous polyester uniform, but I have been here before. I have never waitressed in a "real" restaurant, ya know with cloth napkins and pepper mills, where if you are part of the wait staff you can actually make a decent living and consider it a career. No, the extent of my waitressing experience has been while donning something gross and pretending to flirt with drunk ass morons who think they have done you a favor by giving you a dollar. Waffle House and Pure Gold...oh yeah...very unflattering brown stripes and far TOO flattering gold sequins.
I went to college on an academic scholarship, so everything from tuition to books was paid for...they drew the line at cute shoes though, so I needed to make some money and the Waffle House was the only place in town that was hiring at the time. I later got a bartending job which was a whole lot better, but for months I endured that awful polyester brown mess they called a uniform and slung hashbrowns "scattered, smothered, topped" and perfectly browned waffles. The Pure Gold gig was while I was in flight school, a decade later. Flight hours aren't cheap, and until I got a job working for the company that ran the flight school and was able to weasel free flight time, I had to endure gold sequins, and high heels, and sling $6 Budweisers.
I have no idea what job I will end up getting when it is all said and done, but God help me if I end up having to wear anything polyester, striped, or sequined...that really would be a nightmare.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
saturday
Yesterday ended up being a pretty good day...just hung out with the Pea until it was time to drop her off with DH, and then off to spend the night with Betty. The plan was to go to a football game, but we never made it. We ended up at a party instead, which while quite nice, I am somewhat regretting right now, cuz my motivation to get up and going is slim to none. Today my plan is to get ready and head out of town...I am off do to some visiting, and then chick night with Sexylegs. [To Grey: pretty sure there won't be any penis straws this time, matter of fact I had no idea such a thing existed until you mentioned it, but if you let me know where I can find them I will pick some up for next time, I'm sure the girls will appreciate ;) ] I love chick nights...I think hanging out with a bunch of really cool women, drinking wine, and talking about everything from kids (men), to work (men), to sex (men) is great, and I am looking forward to it. If there is any chance I will get there in time though, I need to get off this computer and in the shower, so I am off...more tomorrow.
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