beer goggles

It is a glorious fall afternoon.  The weather could not be more perfect.  I have beer in my fridge and football on the TV.  The Pea is outside creating a mural, out of sidewalk chalk, in the driveway.  I should be happy as a damn clam and loving life, right?  Wrong...I am annoyed.  I am annoyed because in the driveway with the Pea is her newest bestest friend, who supposedly lives across the street.  I say supposedly because it feels like she lives here.

Every day when I get home she is here before I can open my car door and get out.  Every night I have to send her home, both her and the Pea kicking and screaming.  This morning my doorbell rang at 7:45am.  If I hadn't already been up with a pot of coffee brewing I would have lost my damn mind.  Twice today I have sent her home because I just want some time with my kid, but since my kid would rather play with her than me, she is back, and I let her. 

I worked really hard, and paid a steep price, to set my little world up the way it is, and I am having a hard time letting others in.  I only get two Saturdays a month with my little peanut, I really don't want to spend those days babysitting someone elses kid and breaking up arguments.  If I have said "stop screaming and play nice!!!!" once, I have said it a THOUSAND times.  I don't have to say that when it's just the two of us.  Ok, I do, but not nearly as often.

On one hand, I know she wants to play with friends and she needs to develop socially...on the other, I am selfish and want her all to myself.  Not to mention that taking care of myownself and MY offspring is hard enough...I really don't need to be taking care of someone else's kid.  The kid isn't bad, she doesn't require much, but for some reason it is starting to really rub me the wrong way. 

Today the ice cream truck came by and The Pea tore off outside with her purse.  Her life savings is $3 (the portion that is hers to spend as she likes, anyway, the rest is going to Disney).  It pissed me off to no end that she bought TWO ice creams at a $1.50 each.  Pissed.  Me.  Off.  I didn't say anything, just let her do it, and then let them sit outside and eat, but I swear I wanted to snatch the ice cream out of the kid's hand...and then what?  It made the Pea happy, she was fine spending her money and sharing, what the hell is wrong with me?

It's not like my Pea hasn't hung out with other people in the neighborhood.  For a while she practically lived at "kid paradise" I wonder if the mom over there felt the same way toward the Pea that I do about this little one?  I wouldn't have blamed her if she did, but I'm guessing she didn't.  Why do I have no tolerance for other people's kids? 

Sometimes I feel like a heartless bitch, and I am ashamed of myself.  Thank God not all people are like me or we wouldn't have any teachers or pediatricians.  I love the Pea so much it scares me; I would spend every moment of every day with her.  Even when she pisses me off I want to squeeze her, and would give her my own heart if she needed it, so I know I am capable of loving children, just apparently not other people's children.  Although, I do love my nephews, so I dunno...

Beer seems to make me like everybody better...maybe I will just go get one.  I know I am one of the guys, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would need beer goggles to help me deal with a girl.