purple shoes

Today I bought a FABULOUS pair of shoes...I had some time to kill before Matchdate #4 and wanted to get some sandals to wear on the date. I was looking for something demure and simple...well I ended up with a pair of 5" PURPLE heels...they are ridunkulous, and awesome...I did not, however, wear them on the date. So, speaking of the date...and don't worry I will fill you in on #3 as well...great. Great time, great guy...I was relaxed, had fun, he is really cool. I see him as a fantastic match for me, but not a big spark...damnit. We talked about everything, and we have so much in common, but have had vastly different life experiences, so I could see teaching each other...he is smart and funny and cool, and we share a similar "life philosophy" plus he is a writer, which I find fascinating...I just wish there had been a bigger spark. He is my type physically so I'm not sure why not, but there is just no explaining chemistry, is there? I plan on seeing him again, and I suspect we will end up friends, but who knows. Matchdate #3...uhm, cool guy...too skinny. Hate to say it, I know that sounds shallow, but I like big guys.

I may be ready to just go back to having fun as a single girl...hangin with BOB, doin' my own thing. The ups and downs, the anticipation and rejection, the putting myself out there...I don't know how some women date for years...how they go out night after night with different people. I have faith that someone I find amazing will also find me amazing and I know I want to have someone in my life that is more than just a friend, more than just a lover, but I don't know if I want to put in the work to find him. I don't know if I want to face, over and over, the disappointment that is finding someone who is perfect on paper only to find you don't connect in real life, or worse...finding someone you DO connect with, only to realize they don't feel the same.

I wish finding that perfect man (and by perfect I mean perfectly flawed, real, and human, and willing to put up with my flawed, real, and human self...my fellow dorky snowflake) was as easy as finding a fabulous pair of shoes. Then again, finding a pair of fabulous shoes ISN'T that damn easy...oh sure it is easy to find pretty ones, and easy to find ones that fit but don't make you smile. Finding a pair that is both...that makes you smile, and stand up a little straighter, and feel confident, and sexy, and is comfortable at the same time...wait a minute, they are practically unheard of! And to think, a year ago I wouldn't have let myself buy those fabulous purple shoes, I would have talked myself out of such a frivolous purchase and left them there for someone else.

Hm, so maybe, just maybe, it IS as easy [near impossible but worth it] and I just have to let myself do it.