movin' on

Going through some of my stuff last night, deciding whether to pack it all or throw it away, I ran across a letter I sent to DH on one of my trips to the Middle East. This particular trip was one of the better ones, about 2 weeks long, and with very little to do during the day, I spent my time working out, laying out, eating, and drinking. It was fabulous...a spa vacation half way around the world while getting paid. I miss that life, I miss the travel, the excitement...

The job I had then is gone, I couldn't go back if I wanted to, and since the me that had that job and life is no longer and I am now a single mommy, it wouldn't be the same. The crazy long days, and even longer nights, wouldn't be nearly as much fun knowing I had a little lady at home missing me. The weeks away from home wouldn't be great, they would be miserable...but reading that letter still made me a ache a little for that life.

I guess any time you are at a point in your life where things aren't great, and you fear the future, looking back on the good times in the past has a certain appeal. For the most part I wouldn't want to go back to any part of my past...it is all just that, the past, and while some of it was great, it's done. I'm moving on...literally, the movers will be here Saturday morning. The boxes are getting filled slowly but surely...I am finding as I pack, so much of the "stuff" I thought I needed and was important I don't really care to have, I'm finding with few exceptions, the reminders of my past are nice, but not necessary, I'm keeping the photos, and the special gifts, but not the rest.

I think, in order to really move on and become who I need to be, I have to let go of the past, let go of who I was, and of what I had...so that letter, I need to go read it one more time, smile and remember that trip, and then throw it away so I have room for new ones...